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yet another tribe relationship question


TRIBE Member
but......this isn't going in such a sad direction

me and her haven't been together long

however we work lots and lots

she works nights i work a collection of days into nights

im a chef and she works in a factory

we really really do like eachother and want to be with eachother.......and the only thing keeping us apart is work

its been a while for me so im ready to give up cause well i want to work on it but damn there is no time and well i know what she wants is me

this is so frustrating

my boss (who is a close friend) says well i have to choose my career (cause he has a different aggenda, also in 6 months im gonna be running his first restaurant, while he watches his new one).......and i agree cause well as of now a career for me was non existant and now its there yadda yadd

i really like her and she really likes me but we have no way to see eachother as of now (like we haven't even had our lil "honeymoon stage of the relationship")

ok here is the thing......im ready to walk away which seems like the proper and the best thing to do......and since we haven't talked about it; i think she is thinking the same way......what should we do we want to be together but we both want to be ok (for lack of a better word)

should we do what i think and walk away and pursue what we need to?

is there anyway this can work?
Alex D. from TRIBE on Utility Room


TRIBE Member
I think that maybe you need to talk to her about it before you make any decisions. it seems obvious right off that bat. unless you don't really like her any more and just want to end it.

the question is: is she worth it to you to try and talk this out and either wait out this patch or make changes for each other. Because you can make it work if you both want to try.

if you boss is saying "Chose work" that sounds kinda fishy. sure he's your firend but wouldn't he have a vested interest in you sticking with your job?

how old are you both?

do you love her?


TRIBE Member
Just wait. If its meant to work out, it will eventually. In the meantime, don't change your career plans for a girl who hasn't even lasted through the honeymoon phase yet.


TRIBE Member
You can't have it all! You either have a successful career, or a successful "family" (relationship, what have you). It's just how it is in this work a day world


TRIBE Member
i'm a chef as well and i understand that the hours are hectic and that you are married to restaurant or the 1st few months it is open

that being said i make time for things that are important in my life, and if you and her really want to be together you will find a way. in good relationships the quality of time spent together eclipses the quantity of time spent together. if your relationship has quality time in it than you wil be fine, even if you only se one another once a week or so

and good luck with the restaurant

q u a n t u m i z e
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Well-Known TRIBEr
You should make it into a sitcom, like I Love Lucy, But I'm a Night Chef Beginning a Career, and She Works Days.

The recipe calls for one gay friend, one moronic friend, two Thai hookers, and a butler.


TRIBE Member
Originally posted by PosTMOd

The recipe calls for one gay friend, one moronic friend, two Thai hookers, and a butler.

sunny can be the gay friend

i'll be the moronic friend

i'm sure you can supply the 2 thai hookers

but findind a good butler is difficult

Subsonic Chronic

TRIBE Member
What about taking the relationship down a notch?

Obviously you can't have a full-blown, committed relationship with this girl because of your conflicting schedules. What if you allow yourselves to see other people and don't think of yourselves as being necessarily 'together', but try to spend time with each other at least a couple of times a month and settle for that?

It sounds like that's about the best you'll be able to do in this situation. You seem to really like this girl, so it would be a shame to cut her off completely. If you just have something casual going, then you won't be stressed out about never seeing her, and you'll be keeping in touch, so that if the situation changes for either of you and more time opens up - that option is still there.

Anyway... that's only my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.



TRIBE Member
Wouldn't this be an optimal situation for the early stages of a relationship?

I mean this way, you are forced to take things slowly by not being together so much. Too many relationships go forward at break neck speed and burn out quickly because beginning couples spend crazy amounts of time with each other.

I say, let things keep going the way they are. Spend what time you can together. And just take things slowly.


TRIBE Member
thanx guys actually before i even read your replies her and i did what subssonic chronic suggested and decided that we don't want to break up but tone it down right now....and also as someone mentioned before we can't have it all

we both figured that its not like we don't talk and we do spend minimal time together but its better than nothing.....

oh and postmod we both have decided to go on your suggestion about the tv show......
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TRIBE Member
Originally posted by TILT_Lance
i did what subssonic chronic suggested

I definetley agree that that is the best option..at least this way it gives you two a chance to hold on to those feelings and see if there is anyway things can work out, but without the pressure of HAVING to see her3 or 4 times a week or what not..


TRIBE Member
Baa haa..I find this sort of ironic how the people or (PERSONS) giving a suggestion have infact no clue about relationships...what they mean..and how to save them. That is my input, but who am i..:p


TRIBE Member
My gf works as a manager at a restaurant so he schedule is fucked up. Lots of nights, while I have the 9-5 jobby. She hardly ever has weekends off either.

We live together now, but we would never see each other if we didn't. I'm asleep most nights when she gets home. Its unbelievably frustrating. I really like my alone time, but having dinner together once in a while eould be nice too.

I would suggest just tough it out. Right now you have the best of both worlds. You are both working hectic schedules and also have the excitement of building a relationship. If you break up are you going to have the time to get to know someone new? Are you prepared to be alone for a while for your job?


TRIBE Member
was in a similar situation recently, except the problem was distance.

It didn't work.
Trying to tone it down a little, and still keep in touch didn't go over too well:(

i think i lost a good friend.
we werent official but we knew we had something going.

Good luck with your situation.
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Dirty Girl

TRIBE Member
I know exactly how you feel :(,
you cant fuck up your career, you have no choice in that matter.

but if you really like each other, which you seem to, it will work out somehow, have faith in that, devine intervention will come and lend you a hand;)
just make as much time as you can for each other and make that time special, I know it sucks but you say you havent been together long and anything can happen, maybe things will loosen up a bit once summer hits (its not as far away as it feels). It totally blows to be longing for someone and never get to see them, and its hard cause you wonder if the person is making you more sad than happy, but if you really like/love her you will give it a chance for a bit longer I think, cause the times that you are with them and they are making you happy, makes it all worthwhile.
my advice : dont give up yet, give it some more time, anything can happen.

EDIT: and now i just read that you already solved this, so my post is fucking useless and you can go fuck yourself :p


TRIBE Member
my man works in a restaurant, and i work m-f 9-5. and by god...sometimes our conficting schedules suck. i don't even have to go into the reasons why. i'm sure you know what it's like.

but we find time to be together. on the evenings of his days off, on statutory holidays, when he's done work on weekends, and so on, and so on.

if you want to make it work, you can. you just have to figure it out, and if you want to enough, you will.


TRIBE Member
Originally posted by mingster
if you want to make it work, you can. you just have to figure it out, and if you want to enough, you will.

just thought that needed to be said again.
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