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Women and Dating

tobywan

TRIBE Member
Excuse me if this is a repeat thread, but I just got this forwarded to me by a co-worker, and thought I'd share....it's February, it's crappy weather, and we could all use a little laughter...

WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti &meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat
ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens
again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already
realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have
sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his
girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma,
her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend
and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of
your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home
along the Rio Grande.
 

mingster

TRIBE Member
here ya go, labrat. :p

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike
>English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House"
>is feminine -- "la maison." "Pencil" is masculine -- "le crayon."
>
> >A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the
>answer, the teacher split the class into two groups -- male and female
>and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a
>masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons
>for their recommendation.
>
> >The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the
>feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
>
> >1) No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
>
> >2) The native language they use to communicate with other computers
>is incomprehensible to everyone else;
>
> >3) Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
>possible later retrieval; and

> >4) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
>spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

> >The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
>masculine "le computer"), because:
>

> >1) In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
>
> >2) They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
>
> >3) They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
>they ARE the problem; and
>

> >4) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
>little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
>
>
> >The women won!
 
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orange richie

TRIBE Member
A good one I got today...

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her
period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore
and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and
distinguished Englishman with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a
very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the
living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: Good
morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't
marry
her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge...
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach
villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000
bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage..."
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly
on the man's shoulder and tells him: You'll f*ck her again!"
 
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