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Why you should never shave your ass hair.

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by SuperKennyK, Mar 16, 2010.

  1. SuperKennyK

    SuperKennyK TRIBE Member

    It's been a while since I have been on tribe, as like a lot of other people I have been on facebook instead. I'm getting sick of facebook though, so maybe I'll check out tribe some more once again.

    I read came across this story the other day on the internet and since I read it, I can't stop cracking up when I think about it. I did not want to post it on facebook, because I don't want people like my mom making comments.


    Slimy sticky shit/sweat combination.
    Posted 21 januari 2008
    Filed under: Okategoriserade | Tags: Bla bla bla. |
    ”Don’t Shave That Hair!!!
    I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

    No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

    I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. ”Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. ”How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. ”Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. ”There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

    I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

    Little did I know.

    I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

    Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

    Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: ”It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”

    Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair – ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

    As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.


    Source: Slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. Aenton.
  2. diablo

    diablo TRIBE Member

  3. cosmosuave

    cosmosuave TRIBE Member

    This is your friend...

  4. SuperKennyK

    SuperKennyK TRIBE Member

    Awe shit! Next time I better do a search!
  5. MoFo

    MoFo TRIBE Member

    Damn. I thought this was about you.

  6. SuperKennyK

    SuperKennyK TRIBE Member

    Lol, sorry bud. I'll be posting some pics of my new tattoo in a few weeks when it's finished. And it's on my chest! ...something to look forward to.
  7. MoFo

    MoFo TRIBE Member

    Okay, as a male body expert, I can pipe in with a few insights if anyone attempts to take this on.

    1) Don't do what this guy did.

    2) Use shaving cream.

    3) Shave in the shower so that your skin is wet and your hair is softened.

    4) Have a friend or S/O do it if possible.

    5) Use one of those female razors. The flatter ones that pivot work the best. Surprisingly, women's razors have a better grip and are made for curvy body parts so a disposable razor is a no-no.

    6) Use baby wipes daily and shower after each #2 if you have so much hair that your fecal matter gets stuck in your hairs. I mean, come on. You're an adult: learn to clean yourself properly.

    7) Use cold water to splash the area to "calm" the area. Do not use after shave or hot water. This will prevent ingrown hairs and irritation.

    8) Rinse and pat dry.

    9) After enough shavings, you won't even need much cream. It will itch the first few times. The key is to do shorter intervals between upkeep for the first few times so you can get the area used to this activity.

    10) Take a photo and show me.
  8. SuperKennyK

    SuperKennyK TRIBE Member

    What about the problem of your cheeks sticking together through sweat, or your farts just seeping out through the top and bottom? Even if you keep your ass nice and smooth, wouldn't this still be a problem?

    How often would you have to shave it before the stubble came back?

    I think porn stars get their ass holes waxed.

    If I have a messy #2 and I'm near a sink, I just use my hand and soap and water. Then I thoroughly wash my hands. Taking a shower just for your ass is a lot of work, especially if you take a few #2s per day. It's also a waste of water.

    For those who think that is gross, many cultures have been using that method for 1000's of years. Also, I would rather not have shit on my ass. Like come on, if you got shit on your arm, would you just wipe it with paper until your next shower?
  9. lok

    lok TRIBE Member

    The last time shaving my ass was a problem was when I was like 19. Its like anything else your body adapts. And all this crap about farts seeping out or cheeks sticking together through sweat only apply to fat people.

    Secret? Baby powder. Also I dont wear underwear in the first place so I am usually pretty dry which I like.
  10. 2canplay

    2canplay TRIBE Member

  11. JamesM

    JamesM TRIBE Member

    well you learn from experience. This must have been one those traumatic type ones where you feel it's necessary to tell everyone you had an epiphany that ass hair is useful.

    that's awesome.
  12. JamesM

    JamesM TRIBE Member

    I'll make the comment. word!
  13. deveator

    deveator TRIBE Member

    I've been shaving my ass crack for years without any of those problems. I used to use nair on my balls and my ass crack about once a month years ago but became too lazy and comfortable in my relationship to continue to do that.
  14. SuperKennyK

    SuperKennyK TRIBE Member

  15. Shug

    Shug TRIBE Member

    Slimy sticky shit/sweat combination? WTF is this guy's issue with properly wiping his ass in the first place?
  16. lok

    lok TRIBE Member

    Ass hair is not useful. It can be hot in average quantities but in general the rule is there is a thing as too hairy but never too smooth.
  17. BAd Luck

    BAd Luck TRIBE Member

    dunno...my ex-wife and I REALLY got off on toss salad 69ers so I shaved my ass.
    never had any problems. A bit sweaty walking around the mall or something, so, go wipe
    your ass. Shower before ass play. noone wants to tongue around a mess that looks like
    a birds nest.
  18. assassaint

    assassaint TRIBE Member

    im my 32 years on this planet i still havent found a reason to shave my ass. balls yes, back yes, knuckles.... maybe. ass???

    you sure this thread wasnt supposed to sound something like " gay guys why you should never shave your ass hair"?? because if it did, i apologize.

    but if it didnt...??
  19. mr chris

    mr chris TRIBE Member

    i don't. to itchy... though shower before fun with the gf...
  20. diablo

    diablo TRIBE Member

    This thread has veered into too-much-information territory.
  21. gl*tch

    gl*tch TRIBE Member

    Men's Asses!
  22. PAUZE

    PAUZE TRIBE Promoter

    Even if it is a repost, this article is funny as hell.

    I love the authors use of words: "my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads".

  23. Jeffsus

    Jeffsus TRIBE Member


    Use nair.

    Faster, easier, better results, and no grow back stubble.

  24. graham

    graham Well-Known TRIBEr

    There's a magazine called sticky buns, I have seen it
  25. lok

    lok TRIBE Member

    Alternatively you can have disastrous skin reactions down there. Be careful!

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