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Why is the "missionary position" called that?

Ditto Much

TRIBE Member
Dear Cecil:

Can you tell me why the missionary position is called the missionary position? If the woman gets on top, is that the heathen position? Is there a difference between the Lutheran missionary position, the Methodist missionary position, and for that matter the Zoroastrian missionary position? --Victor M. Cassidy, Chicago


Cecil replies:

Victor, you're so juvenile. Learn to be serious, like me. The legend behind "missionary position" is this: Early European missionaries discovered that native peoples, while going about the business of propagating the species, often used unorthodox positions--positions that people today spends thousands of dollars on Kama-Sutra sex therapy to learn. (OK, I exaggerate: the alternative position usually mentioned in this connection is the so-called dorsal or dog-style position, in which the man approaches from the rear.)

Shocked, the missionaries declared that only the couple-facing/man-on-top position was acceptable before the Lord. How the missionaries became apprised of what position the natives were using I don't know, but I suppose if it becomes apparent that everybody else in the village is having a lot more fun than you are, you make it your business to find out why.

That's the legend, at least. It may not be true. The earliest citation for "missionary position" in the Oxford English Dictionary is from 1969, and the Random House unabridged says the term first showed up circa 1965-70. In other words, it may have been invented by 60s hipsters who looked down upon the uncool Presbyterian proselytizers of an earlier age. In any case the missionary position was not some Anglo invention; surveys suggest it is, and no doubt always has been, a common sexual position in most of the world.


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Alex D. from TRIBE on Utility Room

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
It's quite obviously because in that position, you are on a mission to:

1) show how ginormous and huuuuuuge your cock is
2) fuckin' giver
3) drip sweat from one low brow to the other
4) pass your seed to somewhere other than your dirty lovesocks
5) go somewhere beyond the point
 

AdRiaN

TRIBE Member
In any case the missionary position was not some Anglo invention; surveys suggest it is, and no doubt always has been, a common sexual position in most of the world.
And common among other primates, such as orangutans and chimpanzees.

Something to keep in mind next time you want to have crazy "monkey sex."
 
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ndrwrld

TRIBE Member
i heard when male dolphins cum, their sperm travels with such force, it could snap your neck back, ...thats if youre into swallowing dolphin cum.:O
 

AgentSanchez

TRIBE Promoter
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MISSIONARY: IMPOSSIBLE
 
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Ditto Much

TRIBE Member
Does sex make your acne worse?

Does sex make your acne worse?

Dear Cecil:

My skin has usually been pretty clear, even through my adolescence. But now I'm 25, and recently I've been breaking out a lot. I also have been having a lot of sex for a couple of months straight. Is there some weird kind of hormone thing that's doing this to me? I thought sex was supposed to _cure_ your pimples. --Marty Tyler, New York


Cecil replies:

What the hey, Jack, you're getting parallel on a regular basis and you're bitching about zits? Some of the cases I hear from are so desperate for love they wouldn't complain if they turned orange. Be that as it may, you're not the only one to wonder about the acne/lust connection. A couple related propositions you'll hear debated in locker rooms include: (1) having sex regularly makes your beard grow faster; and (2) the more "virile" you are, whatever that means, the faster your hair falls out--obviously a notion that appeals to balding relics such as myself.

In the broadest sense no one doubts there's a relationship between male sex hormones and the state of your skin and hair. Eunuchs, after all, don't go bald, don't grow beards, and don't get acne. But whether sexual exercise per se will put hair on your chest (or on your palms, for that matter) nobody really knows, several shelves' worth of research papers notwithstanding.

We don't even know if sex raises the level of sex hormones in your blood. A couple attempts to answer the seemingly straightforward question, "does masturbation increase blood testosterone levels?" (hey, it's all for science) have produced opposite results. The apparent problem: not enough participants in the studies to produce a statistically reliable sample. Next time I'd advise the researchers to visit a freshman male dorm.

Even if sex does increase hormone production, nobody's sure if that means it'll crater your face or chrome your dome. The best one recent survey of the field could do was, "we conclude that the relations between sex hormones and characters of hair and skin are very complicated and require further investigation." A committee will soon be formed. In the meantime, enjoy your lively sex life while it lasts. Soon you'll break up or get married, either way getting ample opportunity to do a baseline comparison.

--CECIL ADAMS


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