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WHERE IS YOUR HOME?-is emotional attachment healthy to have?-

mystique0217

TRIBE Member
well, after living at so many different places since I was 15 from:
-Japan to
-Huntington beach, ca, usa,
-West Vancouver, bc,
-North Vancouver, bc,
-Victoria, bc,
-North Vancouver, bc,
-Toronto, on,
-Huntsville, on,
-Toronto, on,
-Chiba, Japan (near tokyo),
-Toronto, on, then
-Guelph, on (current),

It is obvious that my life was always consist of *getting used to the place by exploring the environment, and discovering things that made me feel most comfortable (place to go get books/read/hear music/dance/eat etc..),and making new friends*..then usually unexpected/planned move happens..boomb. to the next destination.

In fact, this life style taught me so much about myself and allowed me to learn how to take good care of myself, which in the end made my parents not to worry a bit about me, cause I know I always take good care of myself no matter what.

But the side effect of this accumulated moves was the inability to truthfully identify where my home was (well not that it matters now to me), but more to do with: *what kind of elements do I need in the order to make my life so warm and being able to feel that people care about me?*

In the previous phase of my life, I felt as if I thought I needed to let go of any attachment that we, human being, tend to gain in our life to gain a sense of comfort and care in our lives.
Well back then, I was striving forward only to become a stronger individual always chasing after things that felt like something that I had to do to reach the ultimate life that could reflect more of my true identity of my self.

and thus, not having attachment seemed much healthier to my mission back then.


But in the phase of my life that I am living right now, I have come to feel where I am so sick of being independent, trying to take care of my life, even if a move meant something of obligatory to the decision that I made,..and so sick of feeling alone and not really having any attachment to any particular condition/environment/situation that could make me feel like a normal person.

The bottom line is that due to the conditions of life that I have lived in the past 10 years, I have gone through so many moments where I had to say good bye to friends that I became closed to, and I am freaking so tired of this..like the new place I will be, I will be alone without a friend, and my closed friends being apart from me.. I am freaking sick of it, but I have not found a place I feel like *this is it, this is my home* yet that it seems my journey of constant moves will not end sooner or later.

I doubt that there aint many tribers who have moved as frequently as I have in my (recent) years of life, but
I was wondering what is your 2 cents about attachment to any particular location/condition/environment in life.

do you think it is healthy to having a need to keep obtaining such condition to feel comfortable and safe in our life?

thanks for reading,,,

-kumi<patient of this counselling session trying to learn more of what I am going through emotionally>
 
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mystique0217

TRIBE Member
oh, I was going to say that even though everyone must have different kind of values in life that strive them to live in a way they may live their lives, I am still in a phase where I feel like I must establish myself by doing something that I can invest my passion and dreams for.

I know that the only way to live my life will be to go and do what I need to do such as to educate myself in a field that I have massive passion for etc.. so I would not want my personal attachment to condition/people/friends restrict my life opportunities..

I think I am very ironic in many ways.

oh well.
 

new to t.o.

TRIBE Member
In the past 10 years I've lived in

St. John's
Jasper
St. John's
Jasper
St. John's
Ottawa
Marystown
St. John's
Fort Frances
Toronto (two moves and another coming in March in a little over a year of being here)

I'd move back to St. John's for school or work - always a different apt. . .

I miss certain people whom I've lost contact with but I try to make each place home.

I think I read that the average Canadian moves once a year (which is hard to believe) so maybe there are more people in the same boat.
 

AshG

Member
hmmm...

Drayton
Elmira
Kingston
Sydney
Oshawa
Toronto(current)

i will always have an attachment with sydney.
i went so far as to obtain permanent resident status in australia so that i can move back if i want, and visit with no hassles.
what a place and people sydney is!
 

Northernsoul

TRIBE Member
This thread stirred some memories for me. A compiled list of my own reads like this

In the last decade.

Keswick UK
Blackpool UK
Bordeaux France
Paris France
Calais France
Liverpool UK
Amsterdam Holland
London Ontario
Bristol UK
Toronto Ontario
Vancouver BC
And now Ottawa

Incredible memories from all areas, all very different and deserving of some form of mental attachment.
 
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mystique0217

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Northernsoul
This thread stirred some memories for me. A compiled list of my own reads like this

In the last decade.

Keswick UK
Blackpool UK
Bordeaux France
Paris France
Calais France
Liverpool UK
Amsterdam Holland
London Ontario
Bristol UK
Toronto Ontario
Vancouver BC
And now Ottawa

Incredible memories from all areas, all very different and deserving of some form of mental attachment.
a bit more international living eh?
what is your nationality? and
do you have a tight family structure that supports you emotionally??
 

Northernsoul

TRIBE Member
I keep in touch with my family via correspondence (I have not seen them in some time)... the absence of them has caused inevitable loneliness at times! A certain desire to create a stronger foundation is the result when I have a family of my own. My wife and I are pretty much in the same boat, (similar circumstances) but its not how it sounds, I simply have learnt to understand and appreciate my family from a far. I am British and my wife is Canadian. The amounts of addresses are simply from the desire to travel. Not as tourists but as temporary residents. My family supports my interest and my choice to finally move to Canada…Through distance, there is a lack of familiarity with each other as you may imagine.
:)
 

oddmyth

TRIBE Member
Kumi,

Nice to see you back!

I haven't moved out of this city (guelph) in the last ten years, but I have certainly moved around it, and well outside of it.

I don't know if there's any one answer to your questions but many times I feel the same way, since I barely ever see my family (if you could call it that).

So here goes:

*what kind of elements do I need in the order to make my life so warm and being able to feel that people care about me?*

I would say familiarity and experiences together help make any friendship seem like a geniune bond. Listening to your friends and spending time with them is the only true way to feel cared for. When we distance ourselves we feel we have lost that caring feeling, not because we do not care for that person anymore, but more that we have no way of showing them that we do. For me anyways the less I experience caring (ie. from not spending time with my friends), the less I seem to care on a whole. This is not a good thing, so I go out and spend time with my friends when I begin to feel complacent in my loneliness.

I was wondering what is your 2 cents about attachment to any particular location/condition/environment in life.
Do you think it is healthy to having a need to keep obtaining such condition to feel comfortable and safe in our life?


Its different for everyone I think. I am particularily attached to this city for various reasons - I have found good work in all facets of my life (music, computers, education), the cost of living is low and the society that I live in is open, full of creative energy and always evolving into something new. Not to mention the beauty of this city in the summer :eek: I have moved around but I keep coming back here because I truly feel most comfortable here.

Do I think it's healthy to need such a condition - not particularily. Moving about can open your eyes to new and different things, and I'm sure I will do more moving before I settle down for good (even then who knows?). However humans do fall prey to Newton's Law as well: A body at rest will tend to stay at rest. Once we find something comfortable we tend to stick to it.

Perhaps you've been rebelling against such conditions for so long now that it might be good to embrace them for a time. I'm no psychologist though, I just maintain their computers.

odbx
 

mystique0217

TRIBE Member
^^ thanks oddmyth!
<<should have known that you spin at van goph at friday nites..smark :/>>

well, guelph definitely has got this very very warm energy to it.
it is like the nurturning energy?! that I feel..I feel very happy and pleased to be here in guelph right now especially during this Christmas season (not superficial at all..feel the true spirit of christmas all around the city personally for me for some reasons)..

So i think I feel very warm and beginning to feel the attachment to be living here. even though I deep inside kinda know that I must get myself out to a place like nyc only to pursue my great interests in house dancing..
I think I am afraid of establishing my attachment to my current living here in Guelph, getting to know people, allowing people to get to know me..even though one day i will have my da to say good bye to the comfort and attachment that I will gain living here?!!

shrug.

But I guess this is the life that is given to me.
I just wondered how other people on the same boat (life with a lot of moves) perceive their life..or what it would feel like to live in a same place for a long ass time that one must feel such comfort and warm feelings around..

I can't wait for the guelph summer though..winter here is very pretty too- :) I think I just need to let go of all these *oh, but..and no* kinda thoughts and just enjoy my life :)
 
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PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
I would like to own nothing but a laptop and a camera, and travel around, living in different places for 6 months at a time.

Instead, I lament and complain. And though I do, I'm still satisfied, in that I have a home (that's wherever Allison is ;) ), a belly full of greasy food (a cupboard full of supplements and vitamins to counteract the ill nutritional effects), a television and high-speed internet and some drugs (instead of a learjet and a fat bank account-- cheap, pathetic travel substitutes).

And, in the blink of an eye, I'll be old and wondering why I spent all my time lamenting and complaining.
 

Aphrodite

TRIBE Member
amazing post from PosTMod


'home' will always be my parents house-Toronto-my cottage-Woodland Beach - but I'll follow Marcia wherever she goes cuz she's my future and I can't wait to make our home
 

mystique0217

TRIBE Member
timo and shany, i truly appreciate your post,
but you see, you two have an emotional attachment to another human. if the person that you two have in your life are gone one day, how would you define your home?? (our parents do not live eternally..nor nothing really holds the bond between two people..because afterall, no-one knows of the future).

to share more of my background, i have recently decided not to focus on the romantic side of a relationship that i was sharing with my best friend, because two of us were pressuring each other to take a drastic step to become closer with each other physially (long distance shite drama)..and neither of us were really ready for such a thing.

i would wonder what it would be like to call wherever my love will be as my home... but now that i have let go that part of my life leave, i really feel very alone. literally.

i appreciate the immense emotional support that my best friend still offers me, but i sometime can not let go of *you would not really understand what it will be like to have no family, feeling like an orphant, no romantically tied partner nor closed friends phyically closed to me (i know this thought is full of self pity ungh)*.

afterall, i feel like i have no family, no friends (cause my closed friends live far from me now again) and no structure of which i can rely on in the order to feel warm and secure, and only to depend on independent self by doing things (maybe I am avoiding to face the reality by doing so??!!)

Not that these feelings are new to me, I wonder if it is healthy to feel the need to obtain such a thing as an emotional and mental attachment while I am still trying to establish what I dream for (I freaking wanna go wherever it maybe to get some serious exploration in my passion for house dancing..god dammit)..

okay, time for me to go and practice dancing...seee yahhh :)
 
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Adam

TRIBE Member
I've always felt that home is where the heart is.

Or where everybody knows your name.

Or where everybody knows where your heart is.
 
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