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What would you do?

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by vench, Mar 26, 2002.

  1. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    A friend of mine and I were talking today about how petty some people are. For instance, a friend of hers recently broke up with her boyfriend because he has Crohn's Disease, saying that she couldn't handle him having it and that it bothered her. When she told me this I was utterly disgusted. I know that there are such petty people out there but I think it's a little much, to breakup with someone who has a stomach condition.

    I've had stomach problems for quite some time now and every girl I've ever dated has been more than understanding and supportive of it - and this is why this situation bothers me so much, that this girl (I've met her and she's nothing to write home about) is able to make this decision and not feel bad.

    This now begs the question, if someone you were dating had some sort of disease, or condition, how would you handle it? Crohn's is a serious disease but it rarely kills the individual who has it, it's not contagious and is easily treated.

    I know it's not a big thing in the whole scheme of things, but things like this just bother me. Situations like this make me dislike people more and more each day.

    *end of rant*

  2. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    That's probably THE number one stupidest thing I've ever heard. EVER.
    But I'm bias, having a close friend with it.

    But it's still stupid.

    I don't know how I'd handle it, but I sure as hell wouldn't break up with the person.

    meh. people=dumb
  3. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    that's exactly what I said. I couldn't believe it, I had to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming the whole conversation.

  4. noahmintz

    noahmintz TRIBE Member

    I have stomach problems as well ... and I also suffer from mild anxiety ... oh boy don't I sound like a ball of fun :(
    I try not to tell girls right away when I start dating them about these problems ... although sometimes it's pretty damned obvious
    Since when I get really anxious ... I'll smoke a pack of smokes in about 5 minutes and I think people know somethings up
    It's hard to open up to someone with personal problems right when you're still getting to know them
    And if they're aren't comfortable with your problems
    Maybe it's best that you're not together
    Cause if they aren't comfortable with those problems ... then they really aren't comfortable with you
    Cause no matter how horrible it may sound ... those problems are a part of you
    And I know for myself ... it's important that if I'm with a girl she respects who I am ... and what I'm about
    And my anxiety and stomach woes are a part of who I am
    So if she's not cool with that ... I'm not cool with her

  5. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    Now that said....

    If I was in a serious *committed* relationship with someone, of course I wouldn't leave them in a time of need.

    but if someone I've been seeing told me they had cancer one day, and that they were dying...I don't know how I'd take that.

    Actually, i don't know how I'd take that either way.

    Same for any disease that would kill you....

    does that make sense?

    meh...time for dinner. ;)
  6. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    ditto. if people can't handle who I am, and my occasionally mood swings etc....then I don't bother with em anyway.
  7. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

  8. poker face

    poker face TRIBE Member

    I think that is a bad thing to dump someone over. This person obviosly has a hidden agenda like most people out there.

    I went on a date with a girl this year and she had the same disease, that would have not stopped me from going on another date with her again.

    How long was this person dating this other person vench?
  9. BreakzBroad

    BreakzBroad TRIBE Member

    WOW! that's definitly materialistic. I dated somebody who had teretz (sp.?) and it did not bother me at all. My uncle has teretz and lemme tel u, all these movies making fun of ppl. with the illness- fuking stupid! That's not at all what the disease is like.

    however, i can not see any reasoning to why this gurl broke up with him. Its not even close to directly effecting her, so sheesh! I hate when i hear stories like this. :(

  10. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    I'm not sure as I never asked.

    Since I was diagnosed with my stomach ailment, I've met so many people who suffer from the same thing, and other conditions very close to it.

    No one is perfect and this girl isn't either. I'm not sure if she failed to tell the guy with Crohn's that she has a genital problem, or did she neglect to tell him just in case he broke up with her???

  11. noahmintz

    noahmintz TRIBE Member

    That's so strange ... because I found the same thing
    For the longest time I thought I was the only one who had the problems that I experience
    But ever since I've started talking to people about it ... I've found a lot more people suffer from similar problems

  12. BreakzBroad

    BreakzBroad TRIBE Member

    ^^^ what kind of stomach problems do u have? What r some of the symptoms?? Sorry im just curious becuz my stomach is out of whack, and i have a feeling something may be wrong with it.

  13. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    what kind of symptons do you have? Let me know - I may be able to help.

  14. It's a shallow reason to let someone go. Sad, but a sign that it was never meant to be. All I can say is she just cleared the way for a better person to come along and hook up with your friend.

    He might not see it the same way right now, but soon enough he might.

    From the Ministry of sorry for the heartbreak, but soon enough, he'll meet someone that deserves him

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  15. starr

    starr TRIBE Member

    that's messed up, but i'm obviously biased.
    i've had crohn's disease since i was 12, but it's been in remission since i was 16.
    sure it flares up now and then, but it's not disastrous or anything.

    i'm not even self-conscious about it really anymore, but that's probably because it's in remission.
    i can understand how it would be tough to tell someone if it was active, but then i'd probably be on medication and should feel fine most of the time.

    it's never been an issue in any of my relationships, and if someone freaked out about it - well i would think they were really weird.
    it's kind of like mild asthma, or something like that. sure it affects your life, but it's not that life-altering or anything - at least not for most people.

    it can be a bit more complicated if you have an extremely serious case, but even then - it's definitely dealable, not life-threatening at all, and just something you live with (like a lisp or a limp or something).

    that girl has ISSUES.
  16. rejenerate

    rejenerate TRIBE Member

    I've only known one person with Crohn's (as far as I know)...he went through some tough times, had some treatments, and is now fine and living a fulfilling life. So yes, I agree, the girl freaked out.

    But, I've thought about this before...what if my significant other had cancer? Heart problems? AIDS? What if he was in an accident and was paralyzed? Of course, it would also make a difference if I knew these things in advance, or if they happened over the course of our relationship. It's an awful thing to say, but I think I'd have to look at what's best for me, and evaluate it from there. I think it's one of the hardest decisions anyone would have to make.

  17. Dr. Grinch

    Dr. Grinch TRIBE Member

    Some people don't want to spend the rest of their life worrying about the well being of who they are with.
    I personally wouldn't want to date someone with serious medical problems. I think making a relationship function today is hard enough without dealing with added stress.
    Call me shallow I guess, but it's my freedom and convienence to make that choice. Same goes for your friend.

    I'm so gonna get lynched, but fuck it, I know I'm not the only person who sees it this way.
  18. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    exactly. You said part of what I was trying to say in my original post - thanks starr.

    I didn't realize how many people suffered from stomach ailments, it's funny (not HA-HA funny.....)

  19. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    hey man, you're entitled to your opinion, some might not agree with it but it is yours.

    I will say this thought, you said above that "Some people don't want to spend the rest of their life worrying about the well being of who they are with. this I do disagree with. Part of being with someone, in good and bad, is helping each other deal with whatever comes along.

    What would you do if you met someone, fell in love and then found out they had serious medical problems, would you leave them?

    I'm not attacking you, not at all, I'm just interested in your opinion - no matter what it is. I mean, I'm sure I've got opinions on things you'd disagree with.

    Last edited: Mar 26, 2002
  20. Not at all, I think you have a very valid point. Some people lead their lives a certain way, and to ask them to live their life another way is selfish on the behalf of the person asking. Some people don't want to deal with it, and all the more power to them for being honest enough to be forward with it and having the self knowledge to realize it.

    From the Ministry of the power of choice.

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  21. Dr. Grinch

    Dr. Grinch TRIBE Member

    That was just poor wording on my part. I meant in the sense, I would not want to have to worry about another persons chronic illness constantly. I'm just the kind of person who couldn't really deal with that. Like HighSteppa said, I would find it too much of a demand on my own personal space/time/life.

    If I fall in love with someone, I'm going to know whether or not they have a serious illness beforehand. For me love comes at a point when I feel like I know a person inside out. Generally speaking, if I'm in love with someone, there's a good chance we're sleeping together, and at that if I didn't know their history, I would want a blood test. That would probably reveal things like diseases and such. It's shitty to say, but I'm being honest here.

    I don't want a patient I have to nurse. I want a partner, an equal, a soulmate. Someone who can keep pace with me and lead a fulfilling and healthy life. Anyone with a serious illness is most likely not going to fall into that category.

    Granted if I had been married to someone or with someone for like 5 years or something, and they fell ill, then I would do what I could to help, etc. But when you're young, and have options, I don't think it makes sense to tie yourself to someone who will hold you back or slow you down..
  22. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    I may not agree with your thinking in everything you've written, but at least you're sayying you'd be honest with someone in this regard.

  23. Dr. Grinch

    Dr. Grinch TRIBE Member


    Did two people just have a civil discussion on a message board on the internet and it not end in a name calling kiddy fight?!?

    I can hear the universe tearing itself apart at the seams!

    As for what you wrote as well Vench, I see your side of it too. Different strokes for different folks.

  24. vench

    vench TRIBE Promoter

    I think we may have won an award or something.......no fight over an issue that is not "controversial" per sey, but had people expressing strong opinions.

    Indeed, different strokes for different folks.




    what a stupid reason to break up with someone. she sounds selfish, and shallow to me. and is using this as an excuse to break up with him. its not even logical to me. he'll be much better without her. anyone who isnt willing to be supportive, and comforting when its needed isnt good girlfriend/boyfriend material if you ask me.

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