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What to take to a viewing (death) ?

bettEC

TRIBE Member
I've never been to a funeral, or a viewing, but I am now going to a viewing in a couple of days and I'm a bit stuck on what to take.

It's for my friend's mother, who passed after a long battle with cancer.

I'd like to take something but I'm sure there will be a thousand flowers-- anyone have any suggestions? Is there anything else acceptable to take? A card?

????

I'm not sure how this stuff works. :(
 

grumblegirl

TRIBE Member
most people are now asking for donations in lieu of flowers at funerals/wakes. in other words - make a donation to the canadian cancer society in the deceased woman's name.
but the obit should state it.

for the funeral, if you're going, make sure you have a $5 to put in the collection plate. [sooo glad my boy planned ahead last weekend - i had no cash for my grandma's funeral collect. obviously a terrible granddaughter, *and* christian. ;)]

edit: for someone as 'distant' from you as a friend's mother, i don't think it's necessary to bring/do anything for the viewing tho. don't stress about it - just give your friend a good hug.
 
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terrawrist III

TRIBE Member
just bring your deepest sympathy for their loss and show them you give a shit...it's the best thing and sadly, only thing you can do for them right now
 

LeoGirl

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by terrawrist III
just bring your deepest sympathy for their loss and show them you give a shit...it's the best thing and sadly, only thing you can do for them right now
agreed. When my dad passed, my friends 'just being there' made a huge difference.

If you really feel the need to bring something, as mentioned before, a monetary donation to the family or or charity of their choice or a card for your friend is all you need.
 

bettEC

TRIBE Member
Thanks... one more thing...

Is a funeral more for family and close friends?

I plan on only going to the viewing, but now I am wondering if it would be better to go to the funeral. (Both, one or the other?)

I grew up with this girl, we've grown apart but I definitely want her to know that I'm there for her. Ah, so sad for her right now! Hard to know what to do.
 
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rubytuesday

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by bettEC
Thanks... one more thing...

Is a funeral more for family and close friends?

I plan on only going to the viewing, but now I am wondering if it would be better to go to the funeral. (Both, one or the other?)

I grew up with this girl, we've grown apart but I definitely want her to know that I'm there for her. Ah, so sad for her right now! Hard to know what to do.
Depends on what the family wants. I think the funeral is more intimate and for close people while the viewing is for anyone who knew the deceased and wants to pay respects.
I've only been to one funeral and one church service so I could be way off but that's what Six Feet Under has taught me.
 

MoFo

TRIBE Member
Attending a funeral is really your choice. Out of respect, to pay respects, to go to support someone.

Really, when it comes down to it, no one is going to care whether you're there as they have a death to deal with.

That's how I think of it. You're not the centre of attention for a few hours. :)

And I'm really sorry. Funerals can be tough. Just went to a really tough one a few weeks ago.

I tend to not bring anything. I think it's kind of tacky to go with money or flowers. Just take a donation card and send flowers in advance. They can even do it the day-of.
 

LeoGirl

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by MoFo
Really, when it comes down to it, no one is going to care whether you're there as they have a death to deal with.
I tend to disagree. I cared a whole lot that my friends were there. Mostly because they were my family (away from my family). They didn't know my dad (not even met him) they were there to support me.

*getting a little choked up thinking about it*

If you wish to pay your respects personally to your friend and her family go the the viewing but that doesn't mean you can't attend the funeral as well.
 
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NemIsis

TRIBE Member
When I lost my dad and then, a year later my mom, I was amazed by the ppl who showed up. Some didn't even know them, but the fact that they showed up as a gesture of support was humbling.. .. I was very appreciative.
 

rejenerate

TRIBE Member
You don't need to bring anything. If you want to send a card and/or flowers, do it in advance so that the receiver doesn't have to figure out what to do with your offering, or potentially forget it somewhere.
 

KillaLadY

TRIBE Member
Unless it's specified, don't bring anything. I have been to 11 funerals in the last 2 years and 3 months - all I can say is, it IS appreciated if you pay your respects and even if noone in the family thanks you, don't take it personal, they acknowledge you're there and they will thank you later.
 
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Krzysiu

TRIBE Member
yeah, I'm going to a viewing in Oakville. For the funerals I've been involved with, usually arrangements for flowers and cards are made through the funeral home ahead of time so that people don't show up with stuff and an ordeal has to be made to find a place to stick them. Guestbooks where visitors write their condolences is also pretty formula. Good funeral homes have a procession momentum where they get people going through at a regular rate with enough leeway time for dealing with bawlers or stoic statues. Wear sombre clothing, be prepared to have your shoulder cried on, bring kleenex and sometime coffee really helps afterwards.

I've been to enough funerals to know that when I go... I want the whole smorgasbord of emotion, tears, stoic silence, laughter, remorse, regret, about eight jilted lovers throwing themselves on my remains, and then everyone over to my house for punch and pie. And then they unveil my bronzed body atop a white marble pedestal. I should be positioned pointing to the sky... and then more punch and pie.
 

rhyss

TRIBE Member
It's always good to make a donation to whatever charity they note and mail a card.

I only send flowers if I don't hear about the death for a bit. Then I usually send some to the house. Always brightens the day.
 

dyad

TRIBE Member
yah sending/bringing something to the house before or after is the best way to go. One really good way to support the family if you are close is to bring a meal to the house that can be frozen and reheated another day. With the stress of funeral preparations, a meal that they can pull out at their convenience will be really appreciated. I know it always has been in my experience.
 

basketballjones

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by dyad
yah sending/bringing something to the house before or after is the best way to go. One really good way to support the family if you are close is to bring a meal to the house that can be frozen and reheated another day. With the stress of funeral preparations, a meal that they can pull out at their convenience will be really appreciated. I know it always has been in my experience.
this is always a good idea in times like that.
unless you have had flowers sent, dont bring any, and just have cash on hand if they are taking donations.
 

fear_of_fours

TRIBE Member
dyad said:
yah sending/bringing something to the house before or after is the best way to go. One really good way to support the family if you are close is to bring a meal to the house that can be frozen and reheated another day. With the stress of funeral preparations, a meal that they can pull out at their convenience will be really appreciated. I know it always has been in my experience.

correct. a dish of home made lasagna, that can be stuck in the freezer is good in most occasions. death. births. serious injury. etc.
 
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geminigirl

TRIBE Member
LeoGirl said:
agreed. When my dad passed, my friends 'just being there' made a huge difference.

If you really feel the need to bring something, as mentioned before, a monetary donation to the family or or charity of their choice or a card for your friend is all you need.
Ditto.

I won't forget the friends who there for me at my Dad's funeral. But it's the people who gave me support..days, months and years after the funeral that meant the most.

Our family really appreciated all the flowers. When the funeral was over, our house was completely surrounded with flowers. It made us happy. Donations are always nice too.
 
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