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What do you think...

junglegirl

TRIBE Member
about helping someone find their long lost parent that they've never met. I dunno I have a friend who has never met his dad and sometimes I think that if he knew him it could change his life and let him see some stuff he may have realized about himself but he has never said he wants to meet him. Am I overstepping my boundaries as a friend?...opinions? and is there somewhere in Canada where they help you find people? :D
 

junglegirl

TRIBE Member
no I havent asked him and I realize it should be his decision - but sometimes people surprise people with these kind of things...
 
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opium_souldjah

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by junglegirl
about helping someone find their long lost parent that they've never met. I dunno I have a friend who has never met his dad and sometimes I think that if he knew him it could change his life and let him see some stuff he may have realized about himself but he has never said he wants to meet him. Am I overstepping my boundaries as a friend?...opinions? and is there somewhere in Canada where they help you find people? :D
It's an admirable thing to want to try to help someone find their parent, but you have to be very careful. I have a freind who went through the very same thing and when she found her mother she found out that her mother didn't want to have anything to do with her. She had a new life and a new family and didn't want to tell her husband about her past. I would tread very carefully if I were you. A lot of heart break come come with the territory you are about to set foot on.
 

geminigirl

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: What do you think...

Originally posted by opium_souldjah
It's an admirable thing to want to try to help someone find their parent, but you have to be very careful. I have a freind who went through the very same thing and when she found her mother she found out that her mother didn't want to have anything to do with her. She had a new life and a new family and didn't want to tell her husband about her past. I would tread very carefully if I were you. A lot of heart break come come with the territory you are about to set foot on.
Yeah...good advice.
 
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junglegirl

TRIBE Member
It was just something that has crossed my mind because I love this person alot but in the end I do realize that it is his decision and I do realize that it can be a VERY hurtful situation
 

opium_souldjah

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: Re: What do you think...

Originally posted by geminigirl
Yeah...good advice.
It's hard. As much as you want to find that person, the odds are that person doesn't want to be found. There are a lot of cercumstances that you have to consider beforeyou really put this plan into action and once you do, you have to be prepared for a negative response. Even though as much as you want it to happen sometimes it's just not meant to be. But be reminded that what is good in that persons life. The family they have now, the friends they have....
 

IgStar

TRIBE Member
I'd ask first for sure!

My BF hasn't seen his dad since he was 11.
At one point I clearly thought that meeting his dad would be great for him. I now realize that I ad gone ahead & did what you are thinking of doing, I would not have a BF right now.
Sometimes, they haven't seen them for a reason. Reasons that are not for me & you to understand.
I now, don't even bring it up unless HE brings it up.

so, yah. I'd see how he feels about that.
 

geminigirl

TRIBE Member
I just think it is a very personal mission. It's something he needs to do for himself. I don't think it's your place, unless he would like your help.

You sound like a super friend to him.:)
 

junglegirl

TRIBE Member
yeah I know that it is something that he should want to do and I will leave it at that - it is not my place I realize that - Thanks for all the opinions, thats what I wanted.
 
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junglegirl

TRIBE Member
yeah I love him alot. But I also realize that it may not be a "fairytale" ending and he doesn't need another asshole in his life...
 

sweet_e

TRIBE Member
definately your friend's decision. And my advice from experience is not to try to pressure him to make a decision.

Standing on the outside it is easier for you to see the benefits that this may have but for him there is a lot of emotional baggage tied to the situation and in the end it might not help him at all.
 

opium_souldjah

TRIBE Member
I would advise that the only thing you should do is be there if he needs you. If he directly asks yuo to become more involved that's a different story, but more than that you are risking your friendship. This is a journey that he has to do by himself, and even though he may not want to, it's not your place to get involved in the politics. It could be hazerdous to your friendship. Best thing is just to be there, like a good friend would be.
 

IgStar

TRIBE Member
^^ good stuff.

You are a considerate friend though, which is well, rare. :)

I on the other hand, would love to meet my BF's dad, tell him what an ass I think he is for certain reasons, and what an amazing son he's missed out on enjoying. His loss.
 
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junglegirl

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Indian Girl



I on the other hand, would love to meet my BF's dad, tell him what an ass I think he is for certain reasons, and what an amazing son he's missed out on enjoying. His loss.
This is exactly how I feel - Do you think not knowing his dad has affected the way he views relationships?
 

IgStar

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by junglegirl
This is exactly how I feel - Do you think not knowing his dad has affected the way he views relationships?
Oh, there is no doubt about it.
Definately it has affected the way he views women, relationships, HIMSELF.

so. yah.
He tured out just fine n dandy. That's what I tell him. :)
but I see the hurt and missing he feels at times.
 

junglegirl

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Indian Girl
Oh, there is no doubt about it.
Definately it has affected the way he views women, relationships, HIMSELF.

so. yah.
He tured out just fine n dandy. That's what I tell him. :)
but I see the hurt and missing he feels at times.

I totally relate to this but I guess they way my parents turned out affects some of my feelings/views as well
 

squirrely

TRIBE Member
why don't you just ask him if he has ever thought of meeting his dad? if you love him and you're so close you *are* allowed to bring the subject up....aren't you?
 
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