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Valentines Gift Selection for Toonces

nawberry

TRIBE Member
Please help choosing my valentines gift for my girl (triber toonces)…

I have narrowed my Valentines gift to four things, but am having a hard time making a final decision. What are your views of the below items? But bear in mind that I am not made of money.

Locket:



Wow this locket is absolutely breathtaking! And the picture of the Raggedy Ann doll is a perfect valentines touch. I think that the key may represent something but I haven’t figured out what yet. Nevertheless I don’t think I could go wrong with this one.


Cat:



That fuckin adorable green sleeping valentines cat melts my heart, he, unlike me, seems so content. When I found out that thus green cat was signed by Lorna Bailey I flipped, I consider this to be an “investment†valentine as I could see it doubling in price on e-bay within a few years…we are talking Lorna Bailey you know.


Deli tray:



This is the only Valentine gift that you can eat! The plus of this gift is that it can come in handy when peckish and serves ten. My only concern is that I have given deli trays to my sweetie for the past three Valentines and don’t want to get into a rut, albeit a delicious rut.


Ceramic Sculpture:



I don’t know much about art, but this beaut is on sale for 5% of its original price for whatever reason. Pure class, but somewhat sharp.
 

Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
I dig the last two (it must've taken a lot of "love" to squeeze out that last gift), but were I to opt for the deli tray - and this is McFlashanova talking - I would probably try to scrape off at least a bit of the syphillis that is clearly growing on the roast beef there, and possibly arranging it to look like genitalia (mine or hers, she would appreciate the thought either way).
 

Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
Originally posted by Skipper
How big is the deli tray?
When giving meat, on valentines day especially, size matters.
He says it feeds ten...That's a buttload of meat (which you can expect as a reward after giving one of these fabulous gifts).
 
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nawberry

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Flashy_McFlash
I dig the last two (it must've taken a lot of "love" to squeeze out that last gift), but were I to opt for the deli tray - and this is McFlashanova talking - I would probably try to scrape off at least a bit of the syphillis that is clearly growing on the roast beef there, and possibly arranging it to look like genitalia (mine or hers, she would appreciate the thought either way).
I thought it was already arranged to look like genitalia. My bad.
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by noodle
You really can't lose with the deli tray.
One problem is that I tend to pick away at the tray during the couple of weeks between when I buy it and give it. Sometimes all that is left come gift exchange is some olive pits, a few slices of pastrami, some colby, and a guilty, ashamed nawberry.
 

Soulster

TRIBE Member
nawberry, i think i have a great idea here. it's original too! the only thing is that it may require you to shell out a little more cash than you intended. i'm willing to bet Toonces is worth the extra bit of dough, though!

my idea is this: combine two of the presents you have selected here!

For example, you could give her the deli tray, but sneakily hide the locket in between two pieces of meat! that way when you hang the locket on her she'll remember the deli tray long after she has eaten it, because the smell will remain on the locket, wafting up "meaty memories" of your special (and creative!) valentine's gift to her.

Or, you could try rolling up the deli meats and sliding them through all the little holes in the ceramic sculpture. She'll appreciate the time and effort you took to present her the deli meat in a creative way, rather than in the traditional deli meat tray format.

My last suggestion is to buy the cat - like you said, a surefire investment gift that will appreciate in price with time (just like your love!) - and then wrap the cat in deli meat! so that as she eats away at the meaty part of the gift, she'll discover what is at the "heart" of the gift - a little green cat - a symbol of your love for her. Incidentally, Toonces is the only cat who can drive a car (see old SNL skits), so this gift would be symbolic twice over.
 
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nawberry

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Soulster
For example, you could give her the deli tray, but sneakily hide
Or, you could try rolling up the deli meats and sliding them through all the little holes in the ceramic sculpture. She'll appreciate the time and effort you took to present her the deli meat in a creative way, rather than in the traditional deli meat tray format.
Soulster, all of your ideas are fuckin brilliant. But the one that strikes me as best is the stuffing meats into the ceramic sculpture. So simple yet so tasteful. It is kind of a post-modernist deli-tray that still makes use of old-fashioned deli meats (I hate post modern deli meats, what the fuck is Reflexive Ham anyways?).

I think I will meld salami and ceramic sculpture into what I shall coin Cerami, toonces will love her cerami valentines gift as I will use a variety of salamis from Schlieffers.
 

Soulster

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by nawberry
Soulster, all of your ideas are fuckin brilliant. But the one that strikes me as best is the stuffing meats into the ceramic sculpture. So simple yet so tasteful. It is kind of a post-modernist deli-tray that still makes use of old-fashioned deli meats (I hate post modern deli meats, what the fuck is Reflexive Ham anyways?).

I think I will meld salami and ceramic sculpture into what I shall coin Cerami, toonces will love her cerami valentines gift as I will use a variety of salamis from Schlieffers.
Well shucks nawberry, thanks!

And may I offer another suggestion, regarding the meat (as i consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject)...

get someone who's going to montreal this weekend to bring you back a 1/2 pound of smoked meat from schwartz. don't forget the sour dills either! if you can't find someone who's making the trip then just head up to Panzer's (i think it around yonge and sheppard or something) and get some of theirs. not as good, but almost.
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Soulster
Well shucks nawberry, thanks!

And may I offer another suggestion, regarding the meat (as i consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject)...

get someone who's going to montreal this weekend to bring you back a 1/2 pound of smoked meat from schwartz. don't forget the sour dills either! if you can't find someone who's making the trip then just head up to Panzer's (i think it around yonge and sheppard or something) and get some of theirs. not as good, but almost.
Hey, its only valentines day, no need to go too far. I will save the panzers idea for our 50th wedding anniversary.

What do you think of my poem:

Happy Valentine, my love!
This deli tray is yours.
Praised be love that brings us home,
Pilgrims to these shores.
I stuffed lots of salami into a sculpture;
I know you will eat it like a vulture.
Toonces you better save some for me this time!
 

Crazlegs

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by nawberry

Happy Valentine, my love!
This deli tray is yours.
Praised be love that brings us home,
Pilgrims to these shores.
I stuffed lots of salami into a sculpture;
I know you will eat it like a vulture.
Toonces you better save some for me this time!
<3 ..... that poem is the ultimate finishing touch!

Nothing says I love you quite like an assortment of meats and a vulture reference!
 
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marcinm

TRIBE Member
you can never go wrong with sauce.. if they turn it down you can be like "fine!!!" and down the whole bottle right there and then, smash it on their floor, and leave.
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by marcinm
you can never go wrong with sauce.. if they turn it down you can be like "fine!!!" and down the whole bottle right there and then, smash it on their floor, and leave.
Good idea, I may offer her her choice of any two products from the Frank's line of hot sauces.


 
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solacevip

TRIBE Promoter
Knowing that you are on a budget nawberry, and of course Toonces' love of alcohol, I think you should go out and buy a lovely box of wine.....

You could go for this lovely red shiraz....but I think she would prefer it in those new "stemless glasses".






But since it's Valentine's day....why not buy the above box and then dress up? That way it's a special Valentine's Day for everyone!





Wait a sec.....is that you nawberry?!?!?
 

veteze

TRIBE Promoter
Originally posted by Flashy_McFlash
possibly arranging it to look like genitalia (mine or hers, she would appreciate the thought either way).
That would be the awesomest. I would give my deli tray the biggest &^%ing labia you ever did see.
 

veteze

TRIBE Promoter
Originally posted by nawberry
A bad link? That isn't much of a gift, I find you can't go wrong with champagne and orchids.
I can't stop laughing at the dead link. That's so darren. ahahhahaha. :)
 
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