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Valderrama rates Jennifer Love Hewitt an 8 in bed

Onthereals

TRIBE Member
here's some superficial gossip- a rundown of the Howard Stern interview yesterday



Actor Wilmer Valderrama Visits. 03/27/06. 7:35am


After the break Howard had the guys bring in actor Wilmer Valderrama. Howard said that this guy is getting more pussy than anyone out there. He asked if he pronounces his name Vilmer or Wilmer. Wilmer said it's just ''Wilmer'' but people call him Vilmer for some strange reason. Howard read that Wilmer used to be kind of like the guy Pedro in ''Napoleon Dynamite'' before he learned the language. Wilmer was born in Miami but he was taken back to Venezuela where he grew up. He was then brought back to this country and didn't know the language very well. That's why he was like Pedro.

Wilmer said that when he was down in Venezuela, around the age of 14, he was able to get laid. He had sex before he left there. Howard asked him if he was getting any girls during the high school years. He said he was always trying to figure out how he was going to be able to get a cup of coffee. He joined a theater department in school and eventually went on to get some commercial work. After that he got a job on ''That 70's Show.''

Wilmer said that his parents are so proud that they don't ask for anything so he has to take care of them himself. He said that he bought them a place to live. He's got a sister who did a little modeling so she takes care of herself. He's got a couple of other siblings that he's going to do some stuff for though.

Howard said that Wilmer dated Lindsay Lohan so Artie figured that he must have taken her virginity. Wilmer said he just met her like last year. He's also dated Ashlee Simpson so Artie figured he must have banged her as well. Fred was playing some porn clips of a woman screaming and Wilmer said that it was louder than that.

Wilmer said that his first celebrity date was with Ariana Richards when he was about 17 years old. Howard told him that he's like the Venezuelan John Stamos. Howard asked him if Lindsay's boobs are real. Wilmer said that they are. Artie asked him what it's like to see his dick disappearing into those tits. Wilmer said it's pretty amazing actually.

Howard read that Wilmer also dated Mandy Moore. After every name that Howard mentioned, Artie would say ''You fucked ___?!'' He's nailed a lot of hot chicks from what they can tell. Howard asked him if he got Mandy when he was doing ''That 70's Show.'' Wilmer said that the moral of the story is that everyone should get a sitcom because that's how all of this went down. He told Howard that Mandy is a very attractive girl.

Wilmer went on to say that he's the kind of guy who doesn't hang out in the VIP room roped off from everyone else. He doesn't have that kind of attitude and that's what the women must be attracted to. He said that he could be fired any day now and if he doesn't make friends now, he could lose all of that when he loses his job.

Wilmer told the guys how he met Mandy Moore. He said that they were each other's first loves so Howard figured he took her virginity. He wanted a high five from Wilmer when he heard that. He said he's never taken the virginity of any woman so he doesn't know what that's like. Artie said that the closest he came was being a girl's 14th. Wilmer said that he's a huge fan of the show and he's a bit star struck sitting in the studio this morning.

Howard asked Wilmer what it's like to pop that hymen for the first time. Wilmer was trying to avoid answering the question. He did say that it's not like warm apple pie the first time. He said that it's really good though. Howard asked him if he can get all of the other stuff like oral and things like that. Wilmer said that you have to be into doing all of that stuff when you're in a relationship.

Wilmer said that he met Mandy and told her that she was good looking and that brought the room to a stop because no one talks to her like that. He said he went to pick her up at the hotel and her mother told him that she had changed her shirt 3 times already. He took her out to eat at and took it from there.

Howard said that he needs about 7 hours to interview this guy. He went through the list of the girls he's dated. He asked him about each girl after mentioning their names...

  • Jennifer Love Hewitt - an 8
  • Jaime Pressly - Just a friend
  • Rosario Dawson - Great girl
  • Jessica Alba
Howard asked Wilmer if he's got a huge penis or something. Wilmer said that he has been blessed. He said he does have a big penis and has more than 8 inches. He said that he's actually cursed with that. Howard asked him how old he was when he went out with Jessica Alba. Wilmer said he didn't date Jessica, he just knows her. Howard wanted to know how he knows her. He said that he never became her lover and they didn't date. He said he did date her but he didn't finger her or anything like that. He was with Jennifer Love Hewitt though. Howard said he must go nuts when he's with a girl like Jennifer.

Wilmer told Howard that two things go through your head. He said that ''Holy shit, is this really happening?'' goes through your head and then you concentrate on lasting a long time. Howard asked him if he has to wear a big, thick rubber so he lasts a long time. Wilmer said that all of the girls are pretty normal once you get to know them.

Howard said that he's been with some pretty famous chicks and he's thought about how crazy it is when he realizes who he's banging. Wilmer said that he's been doing ''That 70's Show'' for 8 1/2 years now. It must be a normal thing for him by this time.

Howard asked Wilmer if Lindsay was anorexic when he was dating her. He said that she lost the weight after they dated so she wasn't like that when he was with her. Howard asked her if she had the bright red hair down below. Wilmer said that she didn't have any hair down there and she really pampered herself. He said that she was one of the best girls that he's had in bed too. Artie asked him if he thinks that she's a shittier actor or singer. Howard and Wilmer think that she's a good actress. Wilmer said that she's a very talented girl.

Howard asked Wilmer about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. He said that they're both wonderful people as well. Howard couldn't get over the Lindsay Lohan thing so he got back to that. He read that Lindsay was so jealous of other girls that she would erase numbers from his cell phone. Howard also asked him about Ashlee Simpson and Wilmer said he didn't do her. Howard told him that he would stick his finger up her ass if he was doing her. Wilmer was saying that he didn't have sex with her but the guys weren't going for that.

Howard asked him if he's ever had two chicks at the same time. Wilmer said he would never lie to his fans... yes, he has had two women at the same time. Howard asked him who he's with now. Wilmer said he's single right now. Howard told him that he's out of control and thought that he was lying about not having gotten Jessica Alba.

Howard saw that Wilmer owns a huge house in the San Fernando Valley. Wilmer said that he just bought Chuck Norris' house. He also talked to Howard about the new TV show he has going on with MTV. He said that the show is called ''Yo Mama'' and they do a rank out type thing with the contestants on the show. The winner gets $1,000 and then they have the best of the best come back and compete against each other.

Howard said that it doesn't get better than this guy's life. His new show starts on April 3rd on MTV. Howard asked him who he thinks is the hottest chick out there right now. He mentioned Angelina Jolie. Howard spent a minute talking about that and then went through some ''Yo Mama'' jokes. Wilmer said that he has a couple of favorites that he likes and they're going to get into some pretty harsh stuff when they play it on MTV. Howard wanted to get back to the Lindsay Lohan discussion again. He talked to Wilmer about her for a short time and then Gary came in and said he wanted to ask about a product placement thing he did on Jimmy Kimmel's show.

Howard asked Wilmer about that and Wilmer said that he does get paid to do events for that game he was promoting that day. Howard played the clip they had from that show where Wilmer plugged the game ''Halo 2.'' He worked his way into that discussion pretty smoothly though.

Howard took some phone calls for Wilmer and one guy asked if he had any video of these girls he's been with. Wilmer said that he has videotaped some of his experiences but he's erased them afterward so they don't end up on the web or something.

Double A called in and asked Wilmer if he's done anything with Alyssa Milano. Wilmer said he hasn't been with her. Double A also asked Howard if he would let Beth O work with this guy. Howard said no way to that. He asked Wilmer if he's actually bigger than 8 inches. Wilmer said he is slightly larger than 8. Howard asked if he could measure him. Robin was saying that she was getting turned on just thinking about this guy but she wasn't picturing his 8 inches or anything. Artie told her to look at him to calm herself down.

Bong Hit Eric called in and asked if they get stoned for real when they're doing the scenes on ''That 70's Show.'' He said that he doesn't get stoned and never has. He swore on his family that he's never done that. Howard said most people do that stuff to forget their lives, this guy has no reason to do that.

Howard read that Wilmer is going to be in a remake of CHiPs playing the part of Ponch. Howard said he might have to come down to the set and hang out with him sometime. Howard asked him to do a quick F, Marry, Kill game. Here are the names he gave him and what Wilmer said he would do...

  • Lindsay Lohan - F
  • Mandy Moore - Marry
  • Jessica Alba - Kill
Howard changed it up and asked him what he would do if he gave him girls that he's actually slept with...

  • Lindsay Lohan - Marry
  • Mandy Moore - F
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt - Kill
Artie said that the right answer is that you'd F all of them and marry none of them. Howard said that he wanted to stick Wilmer out in the green room with Jillian Grace and Pilar Lastra to see how long it would take him to get laid. Artie said it shouldn't take too long to get Jillian since she'll probably sleep with anyone who's in SAG.

Wilmer said that ''That 70's Show'' is coming to an end on May 18th. He said that they were lucky enough to get a second round of syndication and Artie went nuts when he heard that. He said that this dude has to be worth about $15 million right now. Wilmer said that it's very exciting right now because the show did so well. He said that the show came to him and his family when they needed it most. He told Howard that the show will be an hour long and they'll have some behind the scenes stuff. Howard told Wilmer he wants him to come back and talk about if any of these girls have pissed his bed. He asked him if he's had anal with any of the girls, without naming names. Wilmer said 'yes' when he was asked and he wouldn't say who it was.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that Wilmer should call in each Friday, instead of Mike Walker, and he can tell four stories and they have to figure out which one is fake. Another caller said that Artie has to shut up and let the guy talk. Artie said ''fuck you asshole'' and told him to fuck off. Howard told Wilmer he can come in anytime because he is ''the man.'' Howard said he could hang with this guy but he'd have to kill him. He said he was able to hang out with Stamos even though it's a little intimidating. Artie said you get hit with ''pussy shrapnel'' when you hang around guys like that though. Howard took one last call for Wilmer and the guy said that he's a great guest because he was actually talking about this stuff on the show. Howard wrapped up after that call.

http://www.marksfriggin.com/news06/3-27.htm#mon
 
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Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
Well it's a recap of a Howard Stern interview, not a Michael Ondaatje novel...All that talk of titty fucking The Lohan certainly did the job though.
 

kyfe

TRIBE Member
Hi i'm God said:
Words cannot discribe how much I want to bang JLH. Thats all I have to comment on this fluff. :)
yeah I make my girl sit thru ghost whisper sometimes and tell her it's a good show
 
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dicksherwood

TRIBE Member
I try to tell myself that being a celebrity must suck but then I read articles like this and I realize...no it doesn't.



mmmm...love the Love
 

sugar

TRIBE Member
Onthereals said:

Howard asked him if Lindsay's boobs are real. Wilmer said that they are. Artie asked him what it's like to see his dick disappearing into those tits. Wilmer said it's pretty amazing actually.

...

Wilmer told the guys how he met Mandy Moore. He said that they were each other's first loves so Howard figured he took her virginity. He wanted a high five from Wilmer when he heard that. He said he's never taken the virginity of any woman so he doesn't know what that's like. Artie said that the closest he came was being a girl's 14th. http://www.marksfriggin.com/news06/3-27.htm#mon
ha!
 
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