Originally posted by skyparty
i don’t know if i should have said that.
talked about him just after we had sex.
but i said "i don’t like them"
i said "i hate them"
i don’t know why he wanted to use them in the first place. what was he insuniating? i said iw as going to START my period, and that i didn’t have it.. so why the condom? the whole thing was uncomforteable to me since the beginning...
i felt wrong saying that, i hate them, they hurt, i don’t like them..
like i had to explain myself.
like i wanted to tell him that when craig and i had sex, we used a condom - except that one time.... and i did. "and i just wanted you to know... you know... i guess i just want to be honest, so you know i’m being safe... and if you have to know, i had the worst night of my life when i went to visit him. so don’t even worry about it...."
you know is an overused word when i’m nervous and want to say soemthing but i’m avoided it
i don’t know why i felt the need to tell him that.
i felt guilty? but why should i feel guilty?
that was in the summer, and we weren't even speakin then.
god i jsut wanted to open my heart to him and tell him he’s the only one i want to be sleeping with, that he IS the only one i’m sleeping with and that ya- i’d like to be the only one he’s sleeping with...
but i couldn’t. so i said all that other stuff, which came out ALL wrong and then he didn’t say anything. like he always does and it drives me fuckin crazy. SAY SOMETHING!
i thought, omg narissa just keep your mouth shut!
he probably knows craig means nothing to you!
but i didn’t know if he did, and i wanted him to know that.
i wanted to tell him i was jealous of the others girls he could be sleeping with, and iw anted him to be safe with them so we could enjoy ourselves. but what if he’s not with other girls? why am i assuming? only because i was with other guys? and today he wanted to use a condom?
but in the 2 years i knew cory before this, i knew his love life. it was non existent, which is one of the things he always bitched about CONSTANTLY whinewhine i don’t have a girlfriend.... whine whine...
ah man i hope i didn’t screw something up.
THINGS WERE GOING SO GOOD
and you had bring HIM up!
NEVER BRING UP THE EX!
I MEANS YOU’RE STILL ATTACHED TO THEM IN SOME WAY
all i want to do is reassure him of that,
but he said "you know i don’t care...."
i didn’t like that answer! you should care! because i care about you...
goddamnit this is hard!!!!
god iw ish we could have "the talk"
im just trying to drop hints.