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Things overheard at the STD clinic

SPACEMAN

TRIBE Member
"I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks."

"My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch."

"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt."

"My last period looked like meat."

"My balls feel soft and mushy."

"I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't tell you they got something unless they mad at you."

"How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?"

"I got the dripper."

"I have food chunks in my urine."

"Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then douched with Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there."

"Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."

"I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."

"I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old homosexual man."

"I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice."

"Can't you put the swab in further?"

"I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and my other new baby's momma has disease."

"Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of Wheat before it's cooked."

"My cervix hurts when I jiggle."

"The seam in my circumcision split open."

"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust either of them."

"My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my armpits."

"From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the adrenaline out of me."

"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me."

"I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a 'chlamydiahoris.'"

"My pee smells like ham."
 
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Littlest Hobo

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by SPACEMAN
""I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't tell you they got something unless they mad at you."

"I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice."

What's up with Minnesota?

Originally posted by SPACEMAN
"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt."

"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust either of them."

"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me."

"My pee smells like ham."

These are all GOLD! :D :D LMAO!
 
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H2Whoa

TRIBE Member
"Oh my god. Are you saying that my genital warts are responsible for my girlfriends cervical cancer?"
 

The Tesseract

TRIBE Member
My ex-gf used to work at a clinic.
They actually get that stuff.

I remember her saying the funniest one she heard was:

Patient: "I feltched my girlfriend, and i want to get checked"
Clinician: "I'm sorry, we don't provide psychiatric ass-sesment here"
Patient: "Okay, give me whatever you got then"
Clinician: "How about i just run a few tests on you?"
 
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