Things men should never do...

[MoFo]

Come on, ladies and fags (looking at lok and PRIMAL). Let's tell it like it is.

NEVER piss on the seat. It's disgusting.

NEVER throw used tissues on the bathroom floor. BUY a friggin' garbage can.

NEVER pick your toes in front of me.

NEVER fart under the covers and ask me to smell it.

NEVER ask "can I come in your mouth?" If I want to, I will, Patches.

NEVER chew with your mouth open (especially bananas).

NEVER tell a girl (or guy) that she (he) looks "kinda chunky."

NEVER floss in front of me (I don't like pieces of food being flicked at my face).

NEVER forget to hold the door open.

 

[kuba]

never ask me if you look fat in that cuz if you do i'll tell you

 

[seeker]

Originally posted by MoFo

NEVER piss on the seat. It's disgusting.

x 1000

this kind of thing isn't even funny when you're 11.

 

[Chubbs]

*wipes brow*

Phew, Im off the hook, Im 100% not guilty of any of those

 

[MoFo]

NEVER use your significant other's computer to watch porn and leave crunchy Kleenex for me to find the next day.

NEVER read someone's journal or diary.

NEVER leave shit-stained undies on the floor. AT LEAST hide them.

NEVER pee in my shower.

NEVER use my toothbrush without asking.

NEVER hog the covers.

NEVER pick your nose in front of me.

NEVER wear sweatpants outside of jogging, relaxing and low-income employment.

NEVER buy a girl (or a guy for that matter) an appliance as a romantic gift.

 

[PosTMOd]

 

[man_slut]

Originally posted by MoFo
NEVER fart under the covers and ask me to smell it.

So it's ok to fart under the sheets just to talk about it.

 

[vveerrgg]

Originally posted by MoFo
NEVER buy a girl (or a guy for that matter) an appliance as a romantic gift.

what about buying them cleaning supplies?
bud-a-buh.....

 

[MoFo]

Originally posted by qtip
never ask me if you look fat in that cuz if you do i'll tell you

Take your unchivalrous demeanor OUTTA here.

NEVER (emphasis on the NEVER) trust a guy to have and tact when dealing with sensitive issues. Unless they are Richard Simmons.

 

[MoFo]

Re: Re: Things men should never do...

Originally posted by man_slut
So it's ok to fart under the sheets just to talk about it.

Yes. We fags and chicks know that some guys can be farting machines. It's a natural thing to do considering we fart an average of 23 times a night. But don't say "HEY HONEY! Get a load of THIS one, baby!"

Trust me, I've had it happen a few times. And TRUS ME, it's a total turn-off.

 

[man_slut]

Originally posted by MoFo
NEVER buy a girl (or a guy for that matter) an appliance as a romantic gift.

Lets say it's a really practical gift like a mandolin?

 

[MoFo]

Originally posted by PosTMOd

NEVER use the "pull out method."

 

[PRIMAL]

I don't really have a list.

Here's one.

NEVER ask me to move to Mississauga.

 

[MoFo]

Originally posted by man_slut
Lets say it's a really practical gift like a mandolin?

That's not an appliance. If she plays mandolin, great. If she doesn't, well, you might as well have bought her a friggin' banjo because really they're the same in her eyes.

If you're going to buy her an instrument, may I suggest the Bunny Vibrator.

 

[Chubbs]

Ummm a mandolin is something that chops vegtables. Its not a musical instrument.

Unless there are two mandolins. In which case. I'll shut up.

 

[PRIMAL]

Originally posted by Chubbs
Ummm a mandolin is something that chops vegtables. Its not a musical instrument.

Unless there are two mandolins. In which case. I'll shut up.

You should shut up then.

 

[MoFo]

Originally posted by Chubbs
Ummm a mandolin is something that chops vegtables. Its not a musical instrument.

Unless there are two mandolins. In which case. I'll shut up.

NEVER question a gay man's knowledge of instruments.

 

[man_slut]

Originally posted by Chubbs
Ummm a mandolin is something that chops vegtables.

And they aren't cheap!

 

[MoFo]

As for the vegetable chopper thing, NEVER give that as a romantic gift unless you want to never get laid again.

Give that to aspiring lesbian chefs who don't wear fancy jewelry and is basically "one of the kitchen boys."

In fact, this lesbian tomboy chef can probably pay for her own damn mandolin.

 

[PosTMOd]

Gay men don't know about the OTHER mandolin, since it makes vegetable into non-insertable slices, dices, shreds, grates, and other verbs which I just tried using as nouns.

 

[man_slut]

^^^^^^ Thank You!

 

[MoFo]

NEVER tell me that you've regifted something to me.

NEVER drink from the carton unless you're really hot at 3 AM in your boxers.

NEVER shit with the door open. COME ON, we're not THAT close, are we?

NEVER ask me to come into the bathroom to check out your footlong (I've heard horror stories).

NEVER come on to your girlfriend's hot gay guy friends. PLEASE. So 80's.

NEVER wear a Blue Jays baseball cap. Possible exceptions: baseball game, gardening or Halloween.

NEVER use the last drop of a girl's shampoo. If you do, take note and BUY HER AN REPLACEMENT.

 

[MoFo]

Originally posted by PosTMOd
Gay men don't know about the OTHER mandolin, since it makes vegetable into non-insertable slices, dices, shreds, grates, and other verbs which I just tried using as nouns.

Okay, fine. I reiterate, NEVER buy that for a romantic gift. PLEASE.

LOL and Oates @ the verbnouns.

 

[Aleks]

NEVER spit on someone's back during sex to fool them into thinkin you came, then only to turn around to your partner and give them a phantom bukkake!

LOL..

 

[Ditto Much]

Okay lik dude, we know what not to do and we knew what not to do when we did it. But every now and then being offensive is our way of getting even for knowing the outcome of every disagreement is going against us.