The Unpopular Non-Breeders thread

[rubytuesday]

This is the strongest argument against stay at home dads I've heard yet.

lol

Dads can't be trusted.

There were two cases I heard last year where fathers thought they had dropped their babies at daycare but actually hadn't, one dad left the baby in the carseat in the parking lot of his workplace and all morning heard his car alarm go off and each time he just turned it off remotely.
The other dad left his baby in the car and went out to his truck driving job, realized his mistake about an hour into his drive and didn't make it back in time.

I swear to god if I have a baby the thing is staying strapped to my body until it can adequately protect itself.

 

[Wiseman]

And mothers have never done things like that?

 

[Casey]

There were two cases I heard last year where fathers thought they had dropped their babies at daycare but actually hadn't, one dad left the baby in the carseat in the parking lot of his workplace and all morning heard his car alarm go off and each time he just turned it off remotely.
The other dad left his baby in the car and went out to his truck driving job, realized his mistake about an hour into his drive and didn't make it back in time.

I swear to god if I have a baby the thing is staying strapped to my body until it can adequately protect itself.

These stories make dads sound bad but sometimes moms go crazy and drown their kids or shake them to death because they are crying.

I am ok with allowing the dad to do most of the parenting duties if it keeps me from going nuts and deciding that it's ok to drown my own children.

 

[diablo]

What the commercials leave out is that he'd probably also go jack off to porn while the baby strangles itself in the curtains.

LOL

I wonder if that would make the guy forever associate - for example - large-titted blonde lesbians with the death of his children?

 

[rubytuesday]

And mothers have never done things like that?

Clearly not, moms are perfect.

 

[NemIsis]

There are some crazy moms too. Trust me.

I love kids. They're huge amounts of fun and craziness. They're also moody with huge amounts of craziness. I deal all day and have issues with prolonging that 'joy'. I feel no need to incubate, birth, suckle, coddle or coo. However, I'm not one of those: other people's babies are annoying/gross etc., I love spending time with my friend's kids and they are pretty awesome kids.

I have put some serious thought into adopting, and I have no problem dating a man with children (Although, not like the last guy, 'cause his kids were bonkers. It became a deal breaker, and almost made me retreat into my no-kids zone).

But in the end, it's not an imperative. So, whatever happens (either with or without kids): C'est la vie.

 

[[SQUARE]]

I am 28 and still have not felt the need to procreate. Perhaps that is a sign that I will never feel that need? I love children but I also value my freedom greatly. I like being able to go away for the weekend and all I have to think about is making sure my mice have enough food to last them for a few days.

Also I have entered into a career that does not easily enable me to balance pregnancy/children and work. Basically if I get pregnant I pretty much can't work as I am on a construction site, which is dangerous. Basically I need to spend at least the next 5 years putting in hours towards my apprenticeship. So will it be too late to settle down and have kids at 33? No perhaps not but I guess I will see when the time comes.

 

[mariazmess]

IMO the first kid is 70% "oops! oh, well, cool i guess." and only 30% "oh my gawwd i want kids NOW so BAD!"

and i might be too generous on the 30% side.

 

[girlnextdoor]

i've seen some pretty interesting couples at the midwifery practice where i'm placed. most people actually seem like they will be really great parents but a few of them have made me wonder how/why they decided to have children.

also, i can fully attest that not all babies are cute.

 

[Silvershadow]

Yeah, there are some babies that are downright hideous. Some guy at work brought his new baby in a little while back and afterwards I overheard some ladies in the elevator discussing how cute it was, and I remember thinking, "Did we see the same baby?"

I must be missing that gene that makes you think that all babies are cute.

 

[Metal Morphosis]

IMO the first kid is 70% "oops! oh, well, cool i guess." and only 30% "oh my gawwd i want kids NOW so BAD!"

and i might be too generous on the 30% side.

I've always known that i wanted to have kids. I was really gunning for one in the last few years... since i was approaching my mid-thirties and all. I could really hear the clock ticking away... So yeah, had my first at 34 and couldn't be happier.

 

[penelope]

Me too. We planned and desperately wanted our first too... and the 2nd... and the 3rd. Might be time for the insanity to end!

 

[penelope]

And it might just be where I work but I would put the numbers opposite to that. About 80% of the moms I look after planned for the first and only about 20% are "oops" babies.

 

[sk8]

I'm backwards - our first was planned, the second was a "happy surprise"

 

[Persephone]

no no no! This is all wrong. Discussion of successful breeding from breeders who actually planned on breeding does not belong in this thread!

 

[sk8]

LOL

I have a question for the non-breeders then. How do you feel about breeders? - (not in this thread, per se, but in general) sometimes I get that sort of condescending vibe from those who have chosen not to have kids. Along the lines of "ugh, you're one of those people with kids", like I'm the lowest common denominator and it's superior to not have them.

 

[Persephone]

I'm fine with breeders, some of my best friends are breeders. What can become annoying is when breeders only talk about pregnancy, birth, breast feeding, diaper changing, my kid's latest injury, my kid's latest classes, etc. Some people go though such a large change, they almost cease to have anything left of the person they were before. When the conversation is only about their child/ren, then I get annoyed.

I can understand that some of the conversation would be about the children - of course they're a huge part of that friend's life, but please don't tell me the details of every little decision you're making for your baby. I've had phone conversations with a friend who spends the whole time telling me about baby decisions (things that I can't even really offer advice on) and didn't once stop to ask about how I'm doing.

Its mostly women that do this though; the men seem largely immune.

 

[sk8]

That would totally be frustrating and annoying. I definitely try to make a point of not talking about my kids unless specifically asked when I am talking to kidless friends. One of my best friends is a non-breeder, so we talk about other stuff. I save the gushing for when I'm talking to my mum.

Everyone takes a different path, and I suppose everyone thinks theirs is the best one. And it is - for them. Unfortunately, I guess I've run into a few people who think theirs is best for everyone and you've somehow failed by doing something else. Although I get this from both sides - as some stay-at-home moms have this attitude too!

 

[ila]

LOL

I have a question for the non-breeders then. How do you feel about breeders? - (not in this thread, per se, but in general) sometimes I get that sort of condescending vibe from those who have chosen not to have kids. Along the lines of "ugh, you're one of those people with kids", like I'm the lowest common denominator and it's superior to not have them.

It's not that I look down on breeders so much as I don't trust them. What kind of person willingly subjects themselves to that much hard work and pain for nothing more than a hand-crafted greeting card that opens backwards and contains a sentiment that is spelled incorrectly such that it has no discernible meaning to anyone except the sender (and maybe not even them, who knows) and then perhaps a pasta necklace that you can't really wear anywhere (if you're lucky) on mother's day?

A crazy person.



PS. I'm totally joking, usually all of the time

 

[KillaLadY]

I never really wanted children - I mean, I loved kids, just never really wanted my own. I loved babysitting, but the idea of being a parent used to scare me, A LOT.
I guess I just didn't really feel like taking on that responsibility - oh crap, I have a kid now, I can't go Vegas and gamble my paycheque away... lol

I changed my career and thinking about children just wasn't on my schedule, let alone plan to have one in the near future. Going through all the shit I've been through in the last 10 years, the thought of having a child was causing me to have panic attacks. I used to say: "oh, you need to really plan for a child, you have to have a lot of money saved in your bank account, you have to be 100% healthy, 100% ready, ready a million books, attend classes..."

But now, this year especially, I seem to have done a total 180 and I absolutely cannot wait until I have a child.
I am not sure what did it, I really have no clue and I also know that my life is busier now than it has ever been - but all of this could just simply be having the right partner to share all of this with. I used to always roll my eyes when I heard that, having the "right" partner - "WTF is the 'right' partner, really? That is the dumbest thing I ever heard!"
Well, I can't really explain it in words, but I feel I am with the "right" partner now and I really would feel honoured to carry our children.

 

[keline]

I'm 31 now, and I've never had any strong feelings one way or the other about becoming a parent. I do enjoy children and I have worked with children and families for years. I always thought I would just keep an open mind and I would make up my mind about it later.
Anyway now I'm in my 30s and I still have no idea what I want to do. I think I'm leaning more towards not having children. My partner is in his 40s and would be happy "either way" so the decision is mine to make. I love babies and children in small doses but the idea of devoting my life to child care for the next 20+ years sounds terrifying. I love traveling, and I love being able to pick up and go whenever I feel like it. But is that attitude immature? Am I selfishly attempting to prolong my own youthful lifestyle?
Another issue I grapple with is the potential for regret. What if I let my fertile years slip by and then realize that I have missed out on an incredible life experience that would have been the best thing to ever happen to me?
Thoughts I've been having.. I'm interested to hear how other women have approached the issue of having children or not.

 

[skyparty]

Well i posted in here a year before getting pregnant. ha. pregnancy was the easy part, and that was the part i was scared about. lol

 

[Metal Morphosis]

I'm interested to hear how other women have approached the issue of having children or not.

I definitely thought about what i wanted my life to be like 'down the road' and decided early on that i wanted to have children. Both my partner and I are really close to our families so it was important to us to be able to have one of our own. We get together for holidays etc and i just thought that it wouldn't be very much fun later on in life if we were having Christmas dinner for two.

That said, if you have siblings with kids that you're very close to - that can be an excellent way to get your fill of the joy (and horrors) of kids. If you decide not to have kids but are worried about regret, you could make a commitment to volunteering with kids or something like that - where you feel like you're making a difference. There's also the foster care option to think about.

 

[Dirty Girl]

sure are a lot of moms posting in the non breeders thread.

 

[lucky1]

I always wanted kids, was just waiting to meet the right guy and all the get married, kids happy ending stuff!

Then I got diagnosed with cancer at 32, and from my stem cell transplant I am menopausal (at 34). Now I am in remission and I am soon turning 35 and we are getting some pressure that if we are going to have a kid it has to be now! but I don't know if I can handle the no sleep part, I sleep like 10 hours every night (sorta related to my illness).

We did fertililty preservation which is an IVF procedure but you freeze the eggs before my stem cell trannsplant (stem cell is the new form of bone marrow transplant following high doses of chemo)

My husband says he is fine either way.

I think along the same lines as Metal Morphosis....I love being around my family and having a family. down the road if it was just us it would be kind of sad waking up Christmas morning etc.

I think we might try and have an only child... I was always against just having one, since only child kids are kind of weird and always need adult attention, but that is where cousins can help.

Also we would have to do fertility treatment and there is no guarantee, so what ever happens kids / no kids we will be making the choice, no happy surprises making the decision for us!