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The most badass seal of them all

LivingRoomPornstar

TRIBE Member
With so many species of seal to choose from and idolize, it was difficult to decide which one is the baddest badass of them all.

May I present to you Crystophora Cristata, more commonly known as the Hooded Seal.

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Known not only for their insidious, flagrant disregard for traffic law,
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the hooded seal can rapidly inflate a large elastic membrane below their nostrils(allowing them to float long distances) to help infiltrayt yer baes n g4nk all yur d00dz.
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The scarlet membrane also prevents those foolish enough to confront them from reading their evil intentions via facial expression, making them also the most badass poker players in the animal kingdom!

bring it motherbitches, this is his 'hood.

Dan
 

possibledj

TRIBE Promoter
I assume you're being facetious here. Mirounga angustirostris or elephant seals are at least 4 times cooler thatn hooded seals.

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weighing in a over 5,000 lbs, elephants seals are the largest members of the carnivora order.

They can also hold their breath for up to 2 hours, so you can forget that bluff, bitch. Call and raise!
 

LivingRoomPornstar

TRIBE Member
possibledj said:
I assume you're being facetious here. Mirounga angustirostris or elephant seals are at least 4 times cooler thatn hooded seals.

SMIelephantseal.jpg


weighing in a over 5,000 lbs, elephants seals are the largest members of the carnivora order.

They can also hold their breath for up to 2 hours, so you can forget that bluff, bitch. Call and raise!

oh noes you d'int.

Did i say this was a contest for the fattiest fatass of them all? Of course I didn't because then your hook-nosed cohort would have taken first prize.

You see there was another feature of the inflatable membrane that I didn't previously disclose. Allll the seadog bitches love 'em. Elephant seal hoochies are all up in this seal's bubble, but he just ain't got the time. That's how they roll up in this icy 'hood.

Biggest doesn't always mean the baddest -- the life expectancy for a male elephant seal is only 14 years(obviously because he's a fatty fat fat), where a male Hooded Seal can live over 30.

Dan
 
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Vincent Vega

TRIBE Member
Surely you jest....that silly nostril tumour your boy is sporting would help him swim out in his ocean about as far as a semi-inflated water-balloon would help you!

And as for the fatty fat comment, check out this swaggering tank of nautical power and evil!!

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LivingRoomPornstar

TRIBE Member
Its a well known fact that the reason they're called elephant seals is that African Elephants migrate north annually to be felated by these big slutty tubs of lard. Can't you see the poor bloke above is caught in a cramp?
 
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possibledj

TRIBE Promoter
LivingRoomPornstar said:
oh noes you d'int.

Did i say this was a contest for the fattiest fatass of them all? Of course I didn't because then your hook-nosed cohort would have taken first prize.

You see there was another feature of the inflatable membrane that I didn't previously disclose. Allll the seadog bitches love 'em. Elephant seal hoochies are all up in this seal's bubble, but he just ain't got the time. That's how they roll up in this icy 'hood.

Biggest doesn't always mean the baddest -- the life expectancy for a male elephant seal is only 14 years(obviously because he's a fatty fat fat), where a male Hooded Seal can live over 30.

Dan

oh yeah, all the elephant seal hoochies are lining up for the bulbous, red balloon like protrusion. Is that what your mommy told you? They're shapely and exotic, right? it's not how big it is, it's what you do with it, right?

WRONG!
 
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possibledj

TRIBE Promoter
technowelt said:
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And of course, we can't leave out narwhals..

look, those aren't even seals, ok? go start your own thread.

those 'whals better be careful or someone's gonna lose a blowhole.
 
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technowelt

TRIBE Member
I appreciate all amorphous marine mammals. Except maybe manatees. They are like the LA Clippers of the sea.
 
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