The Mom Thread

[mariazmess]

It doesn't sound selfish at all. Some other things that might help:

- no TV in the evening.
- read to him a bunch. some kids will relax into sleepiness if you quietly read to them in bed for longer than normal.
- talk to him about it. very small kids understand more than we think. "we have to fix bedtime so that you can get enough sleep to be healthy." ask him if he has any ideas, and write down what he says, then include it in whatever you're doing to solve it.

I cannot get my child to sit still for a book. He has never sit still for a book. He won't let me read it, turns the pages before they're done, gets up out of bed and finds another book for me to flip the pages of... He just won't sit and let me read him a book. I tried to get him to just look at the pictures with me, describe what's going on - not interested. I'm at my wits end. I was always a voracious reader as a child - my parents would read me tons of stories. I'm not saying that he'll never go anywhere in life because he won't sit still for a book, but I worry.

Also, he doesn't seem to react when I speak to him about "stuff" unless it's post-punishment. When I try to engage him in conversation about something "important" or serious, he just kind of "whatever"s me.

I dunno - I just read everything you wrote and I'm like - I don't think these tactics would bode well with him. Not that I have a problem with his sleep - other than he won't sleep unless we go to sleep - but I have no problem going to bed at 8:30-9pm.

 

[KillaLadY]

My kid is high-strung and super active and doesn't sit still either. What works for us is later bedtime. He likes to stay up with us and when we go to bed, he falls asleep within minutes.
I too, read a book to him, but the shorter the book, the better - however, he is 9 months and this can potentially change.

He goes to bed between 9:30-10:00 and only wakes up once to nurse and sleeps until 7:30-8:00am.
I did the early bedtime so my husband and I can have some time together and it SO didn't work out for my son. He is very much go go go go go go and if he doesn't burn his "adrenaline", he will wake up a million times a night.

I also don't have set naps for him either. When I tried to "schedule" naps, he would scream and yell like I cut him. So my husband and I will spend time together after he goes to bed, which is perfect for us, because we are both night owls.

 

[rubytuesday]

I cannot get my child to sit still for a book. He has never sit still for a book. He won't let me read it, turns the pages before they're done, gets up out of bed and finds another book for me to flip the pages of... He just won't sit and let me read him a book. I tried to get him to just look at the pictures with me, describe what's going on - not interested. I'm at my wits end. I was always a voracious reader as a child - my parents would read me tons of stories. I'm not saying that he'll never go anywhere in life because he won't sit still for a book, but I worry.

Also, he doesn't seem to react when I speak to him about "stuff" unless it's post-punishment. When I try to engage him in conversation about something "important" or serious, he just kind of "whatever"s me.

I would try not to worry, he's probably working on other things, right? And reading books isn't the only way to get language/motor skills needed for reading and writing, here's a little article about that: Myth Busting: How Reading is Taught in Waldorf Schools | Moon Child Blog - Bella Luna Toys.

Also, 3 year olds are crazy, haha. I try to say serious things to my almost 4 year old niece and it feels like nothing is going in.

 

[mariazmess]

awesome, thanks ruby!

 

[janiecakes]

I cannot get my child to sit still for a book. He has never sit still for a book. He won't let me read it, turns the pages before they're done, gets up out of bed and finds another book for me to flip the pages of... He just won't sit and let me read him a book. I tried to get him to just look at the pictures with me, describe what's going on - not interested. I'm at my wits end. I was always a voracious reader as a child - my parents would read me tons of stories. I'm not saying that he'll never go anywhere in life because he won't sit still for a book, but I worry.

Also, he doesn't seem to react when I speak to him about "stuff" unless it's post-punishment. When I try to engage him in conversation about something "important" or serious, he just kind of "whatever"s me.

I dunno - I just read everything you wrote and I'm like - I don't think these tactics would bode well with him. Not that I have a problem with his sleep - other than he won't sleep unless we go to sleep - but I have no problem going to bed at 8:30-9pm.

I like this article about reading to kids who won't sit still, especially the bit about a very short bit of reading combined with movement between pages: More Fun, Mom!: How to Read to Kids Who Can't Sit Still

I think it's really common for toddlers and preschoolers to want to move around instead of sit and listen to a book. Like everything, some things work for some kids and some things won't - reading will relax some kids and other kids will be like fuck this, I am busy.

When I talked to Emmet about "serious" stuff at age 3, by no means did we sit and have an adult conversation about whatever issue we were talking about. Sometimes it seemed like he wasn't paying attention, but even when they don't look like they're paying attention, they're still taking stuff in. I just used really short simple sentences and made sure I didn't try to have any talks that lasted longer than a minute or two, most often while we were doing something else (like walking somewhere or eating). If he engaged, great. If he didn't, at least he had a little nugget in his brain about whatever was going on.

I also don't want to make it seem like those ways of handling shit made life smooth sailing all the time - I had a super active, very spirited baby/toddler/preschooler that drove me bananas often, and life is just getting calmer now that he is 6.

 

[Chris]

My brother posted this on my timeline.

Car Manufacturer Designs The ?Manliest? Baby Stroller Ever - DesignTAXI.com

 

[awwnaw]

Guys: bumper pads? What's the point of the breathable ones? They look like they'll have no cushioning anyway. Do they need cushioning? Are they really going to get a leg stuck in between the slats? Am I paranoid and everyone actually gets bumper pads?

 

[Metal Morphosis]

well - we did it, no more bottles for Thomas - cold turkey. the little stinker bit through the last two nipples over the weekend so i handed them to him and said, these are broken so you need to throw them in the garbage - and he did.
i picked up a soft-ish spouted sippy cup from Shoppers and that's what he's been using. He's certainly had less milk over the last two days as a result of the change, but I think that's a good thing since he was likely drinking too much via the bottle. He's doing really well - i'm so relieved!

 

[mcbee]

awwnaw - I was militant about SIDS, and its recommended that when baby is in their crib they are put to sleep on their back, with no loose blankets/bedding/pillows or bumper pads.

regardless of whether you are paranoid about sids like I was, early on they definately don't need them as they can't move in their sleep. once Brooklyn was rolling around in her sleep, we still didn't use them and she may have bumped in the side rails during the night, but I never noticed.

imo, bumper pads are another one of the baby items that the baby industry makes you think you NEED, but in reality you don't.

totally up to you and whatever you are comfortable with!!

sarah

 

[mcbee]

Lisa, great news!

sarah

 

[Cri]

awwnaw - I was militant about SIDS, and its recommended that when baby is in their crib they are put to sleep on their back, with no loose blankets/bedding/pillows or bumper pads.

regardless of whether you are paranoid about sids like I was, early on they definately don't need them as they can't move in their sleep. once Brooklyn was rolling around in her sleep, we still didn't use them and she may have bumped in the side rails during the night, but I never noticed.

imo, bumper pads are another one of the baby items that the baby industry makes you think you NEED, but in reality you don't.

totally up to you and whatever you are comfortable with!!

sarah

Agreed. I never used them, and my kids may have gotten a leg stuck once or twice that I had to rescue them, but they were fine. Both of them also seem to like jamming their heads into the ends of the crib too lol! Especially Kinley, it's like she could only sleep if her head was pressed about against the slats.

 

[Metal Morphosis]

imo, bumper pads are another one of the baby items that the baby industry makes you think you NEED, but in reality you don't.

this is totally true. they often come with the crib bedding set (which you'd think companies would have stopped doing by now) so you have this useless thing sitting in your closet for the next 4 years.

i actually used them with Thomas but not for their intended purpose. I only put them on at the very beginning (BEFORE he could roll around). I figured it was safe to use them, which was honestly for decorative purposes only and to at least say that I got *some* use out of them. Once he started rolling around - I took them off for safety reasons. not having them on was never an issue with either of my kids.

 

[girlnextdoor]

thank you for providing this sensible and educated answer to that question.

can i ask what lead to your first caesarean?

i'm trying to decide if i still want to try a VBAC or go for a planned c. i had CPD with delivering David, and i have gestational diabetes this time around and baby is already bigger than when david was born, with 3 weeks to go! so i'm leaning back towards a planned c as of yesterday. also trying to avoid going through labour only to end up with a c-section anyways which would be worse. argh! i would hate to have regrets either way.

i had a prolonged first stage of labour with lack of progress and then heart decelerations when we tried to augment my labour with oxytocin. i only got to 4cm. i think k was in a strange position with a deflexed head that wasn't putting enough direct pressure on my cervix. i'm hoping that this baby will be better positioned but one of the parameters that my midwife and i have set is that my labour has to progress normally or else i'll head into the hospital early for intervention.

one thing you should know is that they often call prolonged labours that end in c-sections CPD but it's much more commonly an issue with position rather than an actual pelvic shape problem. some women *do* have pelvises that make it impossible to have a vaginal birth but it's quite rare whereas having a baby in a less than optimum position is common. still, a big baby and gestational diabetes does stack the odds against you in some ways. and i get why labour isn't that appealing if you are likely to end up in a c-section. go with what feels like the right thing for you. if you think you'll be disappointed by not trying then talk with your care provider and set clear parameters of when you'll make a change in the plan. if you really don't have strong feelings either way then maybe choosing a repeat c-section is the right decision for you. the problem with labour is that we really don't know what each labour will be like because one can be radically different from the one before.

good luck with your decision! if you're interested, here's a guideline by the association of ontario midwives that has lots of good information (http://www.ontariomidwives.ca/images/uploads/guidelines/No14CPG_VBAC_Final_November_2011.pdf).

 

[mingster]

Thanks for that. I saw my OB on Wednesday and we scheduled a c-section. I decided to make a decision and then go with it. So that's what we're doing. In a week!

In other news, we found out yesterday, one week to the day of having this baby, that we are actually NOT having a girl. We're having a boy. I cried for hours last night. After having made the emotional decision on delivery, a trying day with my toddler, and then finding that out, I was emotionally overflowing. I'm not upset by having a boy, but rather by not having a gir, not being able to name her after my aunt, not having a daughter. It was a very difficult day yesterday. But I'm hoping today will allow me to move on, put away all the pink, figure out what we're going to name this child, and decide what color we're going to repaint his room.

This pregnancy has certainly been different than the first.

 

[mcbee]

Thanks for that. I saw my OB on Wednesday and we scheduled a c-section. I decided to make a decision and then go with it. So that's what we're doing. In a week!

In other news, we found out yesterday, one week to the day of having this baby, that we are actually NOT having a girl. We're having a boy. I cried for hours last night. After having made the emotional decision on delivery, a trying day with my toddler, and then finding that out, I was emotionally overflowing. I'm not upset by having a boy, but rather by not having a gir, not being able to name her after my aunt, not having a daughter. It was a very difficult day yesterday. But I'm hoping today will allow me to move on, put away all the pink, figure out what we're going to name this child, and decide what color we're going to repaint his room.

This pregnancy has certainly been different than the first.

wow, so tough. I think you reacted in a way that any of us would. I cried for hours when I decided to have a planned section. Add on top of the that, all the gender stuff...you are allowed MANY hours of crying!

fwiw, I found recovery from my planned section a breeze. and knowing ahead of time, allows you time and space to process the emotions associated with a section.

sarah

 

[Metal Morphosis]

mel - that is crazy-making stuff you're going through at the moment. mourning the 'loss' of your little girl is perfectly normal. i can't imagine having to 'shift gears' like that so last minute.

re: the name
what's your aunt's name? is there a way to 'masculinize' the name so that it can still be representative of your aunt?

 

[Jennika]

mingster, that really is shocking.

with Ben, my older one, I was told he was a girl at the first ultrasound and then later on told he was a boy just like you were. and I totally grieved for the loss of the little girl I thought I was having for weeks. it's really normal and totally understandable.

hugs

 

[Metal Morphosis]

just found out that my friend's mother has passed away (brain cancer); a memorial is planned for later this month, but she's pregnant with her second and i feel like i'd like to do something for her now. she lives a few hours away so i can't just run over to her house to give her hugs. any ideas on what i can send to her apart from the usual card & flowers? i am so sad for her i feel like i want to do *something*

 

[mcbee]

just found out that my friend's mother has passed away (brain cancer); a memorial is planned for later this month, but she's pregnant with her second and i feel like i'd like to do something for her now. she lives a few hours away so i can't just run over to her house to give her hugs. any ideas on what i can send to her apart from the usual card & flowers? i am so sad for her i feel like i want to do *something*

food.

is there a supperworks or another frozen prepared food type store in her area? you could hook her up with a gift card, so she can stock her freezer whenever she see fit. Its nice to have already made food around when you are grieving OR when you are dealing with a newborn, with no mom around to help you.

sarah

 

[geminigirl]

When my father passed from brain cancer, the nicest things that people did was just being there. Calling and texting is sooo appreciated. Some people shy away and don't know how to act. My closest friend was amazing. She called me and showed up with food all the time. She shared all kinds of great stories about my dad. She was never afraid to talk about him. LOVED that. Now 17 years later, she always bring him up in convo and remembers his bday, anniversary of his death, asks me how I'm doing on father's day etc. Such a good friend.

I think Mcbee's idea is nice. Or you can order food, bring some homemade food(assuming you know what she loves to eat), edible arrangements are really nice too..

 

[mingster]

just found out that my friend's mother has passed away (brain cancer); a memorial is planned for later this month, but she's pregnant with her second and i feel like i'd like to do something for her now. she lives a few hours away so i can't just run over to her house to give her hugs. any ideas on what i can send to her apart from the usual card & flowers? i am so sad for her i feel like i want to do *something*

Wow - that's tough. For all the frustrations my mom gives me, I sure am happy to have her around, especially when new babies come into the picture.

I would agree if there's a way to get some meals to her that's a great idea. Or maybe hire a cleaning service for her? Being able to have a clean house to care for a newborn in, while not having to clean it yourself is priceless to me.

As for me, we are getting ready to have baby in 5 days. I am starting to feel excited for a new baby boy, and I think we have decided on a name. But am still very sad not to have a daughter. I never thought I would be so beside myself over it. Everything, everywhere that is daughter related makes me sad, and I am quite angry at random things like my stupid neighbors. For now, I stay busy, try to enjoy these last few days being able to give 100% to David, and try to stay in touch with my emotions.

And try to convince my husband that we should adopt a little girl. Lol!

 

[mariazmess]

ug i don't feel like being a mom tonight. someone else take over this newborn stuff pls thx bye.

 

[Metal Morphosis]

thanks for the ideas ladies.
i loved the edible arrangement idea but sadly she's outside of their delivery area.
i may do a cleaning service for her when the baby comes since i can't seem to find any food delivery people in her area either. i'll take her some freezer meals when i see the new baby.

Mel - how are you feeling? Only a few days to go!
Thinking of you - and you too Maria!

 

[mingster]

feeling pretty good, thanks! just a little full, baby doesn't have much room to move around.

t-minus 2 sleeps to go!

 

[mariazmess]

this newborn phase is FULL ON. my shoulders are KILLING ME.

my parents took Matteo for the week so we can pack (moving in 3 weeks) ... bliss! busy, busy bliss.

he's SO CUTE on the phone, and having an awesome time with the grand-parental unit.

ps - hang in there Mingster!!! courage!