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The Mom Thread

Metal Morphosis

TRIBE Member
Someone said something about a push present?
still waiting for mine...
and you'd think that after all the kidney pain and suffering i went through with round two... lol

seriously, i think it's warranted - it doesn't have to be big, but it should be something meaningful to show your appreciation for the awesome job she's done with the pregnancy and soon with the birthing and then with the caring for the baby. I know that the dads are far more involved now than ever caring for their babies and that's great, but the toll that a pregnancy / labour can take on a mother's body is really immense. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster before, during and afterward with the hormones and the overwhelming feelings and maybe not feeling happy about their body afterward or the changes that a new baby has brought to her life. okay - end rant. i'll try to think of some nice ideas for you.

and yes - next round of Tribe babies is upon us - 3 in the next month or so right? two more boys and cri, can't remember if you said you were having another girl?
 

KillaLadY

TRIBE Member
How about the fact that he's been there every step of the way, he massaged her hips, he went to all the pregnancy classes with her, dealt with her mood swings, dealing with: "OMG, I am so fat" self-comments to herself while he finds her the most attractive woman ever, low sex drive while his balls are as big as Skydome and blue as the CN Tower night lights, he is going to be her guardian angel during labour/birth, he will wake up in the middle of the night and take turns with her with the baby, etc etc
Isn't that a push present enough? There are many women out there that are doing this all alone, which the dead beat fathers are out banging other broads. Having someone there for you throughout this journey should be enough of a blessing as it is and not taken for granted.
And where is HIS present for being a good supportive father?

And why should the guy feel like he has to compensate for something SHE needs to work through herself? How she feels and the emotional rollercoaster... etc etc... of course it's tough on the woman, but this is part of the journey of parenthood.

Sorry if I sound a little harsh, and I really don't care if I touched some nerves and pissed off some of you, but this push present is a little ridiculous. Come on now, man.
 

janiecakes

TRIBE Member
seriously, i think it's warranted - it doesn't have to be big, but it should be something meaningful to show your appreciation for the awesome job she's done with the pregnancy and soon with the birthing and then with the caring for the baby. I know that the dads are far more involved now than ever caring for their babies and that's great, but the toll that a pregnancy / labour can take on a mother's body is really immense. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster before, during and afterward with the hormones and the overwhelming feelings and maybe not feeling happy about their body afterward or the changes that a new baby has brought to her life.
Something about calling it a push present bothers me - I can't put my finger on it. I do think that a gesture to say "I appreciate what you have done for our family and how much work it has been and will be" can be really sweet and meaningful. I can see how supportive that would feel to mums who are in that weird/vulnerable place after giving birth.
 
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Metal Morphosis

TRIBE Member
never one to mince words hey killa lol
i do hear what you're saying, but i think even a card or flowers is appropriate for the birth of a child. hell, even my dad gave my mom flowers and he never buys her ANYTHING!

i think a nice gift idea would be a small box engraved on the bottom with the children's names / DOB. it's something that you can put a locket of their hair in, or special jewelry or if you're weird like my mom - your kid's baby teeth haha. it doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, just a small token.

ok, i'll shut up now ;)
 

geminigirl

TRIBE Member
I totally don't get the push present.

I already feel dads can be a little left out. Me and my baby were center of attention. I think the baby is the only gift needed for both parents. That along with all the baby presents that pour in.
 

mingster

TRIBE Member
hey, i have no problem with receiving gifts in appreciation of all that i do for my family (pregnancy, delivery, and afterwards).

it's hard work being a mom and receiving a gift of thanks is really nice.
 

mcbee

TRIBE Member
Kevin gave me a bracelat after Brooklyn was born and I love it. It wasn't a 'push' present, as hell I didn't even push lol! It was a gift to thank me for all the hell I went through growing Brooklyn and all the hell I went through delivering her. A token to say thanks for being her mom and thanks for being in this crazy parenting thing with me. It also just signifies to me the love Kevin has for me and Brooklyn. I look at it and remember the day she was born, and how happy Kevin was on that day. That makes me happy.

And like Mel, I'm all in favour for receiving gifts in appreciation for all I do!


:)sarah
 

Chris

Well-Known TRIBEr
Thanks for the feedback ladies, I have something in mind for her. Appreciate it! Superwomen, the lot of you!
 
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rubytuesday

TRIBE Member
How about the fact that he's been there every step of the way, he massaged her hips, he went to all the pregnancy classes with her, dealt with her mood swings, dealing with: "OMG, I am so fat" self-comments to herself while he finds her the most attractive woman ever, low sex drive while his balls are as big as Skydome and blue as the CN Tower night lights, he is going to be her guardian angel during labour/birth, he will wake up in the middle of the night and take turns with her with the baby, etc etc
Isn't that a push present enough? There are many women out there that are doing this all alone, which the dead beat fathers are out banging other broads. Having someone there for you throughout this journey should be enough of a blessing as it is and not taken for granted.
And where is HIS present for being a good supportive father?

And why should the guy feel like he has to compensate for something SHE needs to work through herself? How she feels and the emotional rollercoaster... etc etc... of course it's tough on the woman, but this is part of the journey of parenthood.

Sorry if I sound a little harsh, and I really don't care if I touched some nerves and pissed off some of you, but this push present is a little ridiculous. Come on now, man.
Sorry, no comparison to what the woman goes through (according to my bf at least). Things do even out as time goes on and for sure good partners also deserve appreciation but appreciating the mother doesn't have anything to do with minimizing the importance of the father/partner.

People express love in different ways (5 ways according to this guy's book) and if someone appreciates receiving a gift I don't see the issue, it's obviously a subjective thing and I think people who appreciate gifts don't see it at all as "compensation", it's a symbol of love and respect.

I don't love the term "push present" because the pushing was the easiest part of labour for me, it should be like "12 hours of back pain" present or "baby came out with his elbow sticking out" present or whatever is pertinent to the mom in question.

In ancient times Aztec women were treated like victorious warriors when they successfully delivered a baby, and if they died they got a warrior's burial. In different cultures around the world new moms are treated with respect and get a lot of support in the early postpartum period and in western society you typically get much less support and respect, so I think any support or valuation of the whole shebang is a good thing.
 

KillaLadY

TRIBE Member
Receiving gifts out of love is one thing. Yes, you can express love by cleaning the toiler bowl or by buying a gift just to say "I love you". That is quite lovely, actually.
That's not the case here.
Feeling obligated to give gifts because "hey, look at me, I delivered this baby" is another thing. Let me be really frank, it is YOUR job and your responsibility to carry this baby and deliver it, whether it's an easy pregnancy/delivery or not. I mean you DID know what you were getting yourself into, right?

Woman in this society seem to have forgotten this aspect and feel like they deserve a medal for something they were meant to do.

I get that there isn't much support from family and friends here and I am not sure why that is, because truthfully, I doubt people will refuse to help you if you asked for help.

How is being a hormonal nuclear bomb any easier on a guy than our back pains, etc etc? Or how is it that a guy has to abstain from sex for a while, because we feel fat and really not in the mood to pleasure out partners? They NEED sexual attention as much as we need emotional support during these challenging times. I am just saying, pregnancy isn't felt just by the woman, it is felt by the man as well, only differently. While it takes a toll on our bodies mentally, emotionally, physically... men have their own journey of struggle and as far as I am concerned, the fact that they made it until the end without running as far away as possible is worthy of a "push present" as well.
 
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mariazmess

TRIBE Member
Giving someone something special for any reason is great. I just hope this push present thing won't turn into an engagement-ring level gift that people can't afford. I would have loved something nice with my baby's date of birth, his birthstone and his name. Etsy has tons of really nice personalized gifts like that at reasonable prices.


In other news, I've been feeling really moody and sad lately. SAD maybe, but reading about baby #2 here and every where on Facebook is kind of pissing me off. Not your problem and I don't want you to edit yourselves EVER, but life just seems to be really in my face about how i'm NOT getting pregnant.

My mom had 4-5 years between each child and it's not really something I wanted to emulate. bah.

Alright, that's enough sharing for one day.
 

janiecakes

TRIBE Member
Let me be really frank, it is YOUR job and your responsibility to carry this baby and deliver it, whether it's an easy pregnancy/delivery or not. I mean you DID know what you were getting yourself into, right?

Woman in this society seem to have forgotten this aspect and feel like they deserve a medal for something they were meant to do.
serenity now
 

mcbee

TRIBE Member
In other news, I've been feeling really moody and sad lately. SAD maybe, but reading about baby #2 here and every where on Facebook is kind of pissing me off. Not your problem and I don't want you to edit yourselves EVER, but life just seems to be really in my face about how i'm NOT getting pregnant.
i'm guessing you are trying right now....and i can defiantely empathsize. trying to get pregnant and being unsuccessful at it, while everyone around you seems to be breeding like rabbits is insanity inducing. its a total mind f**k and takes a real toll on your emotions.

I let myself feel angry and jealous, and had to start ignoring facebook announcements etc. I cried for 1/2 an hour in the bathroom when my SIL announced her pregnancy at a family dinner and I had been trying for 6 months post my miscarriage. its sucks.

:)sarah
 
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IgStar

TRIBE Member
hey at least you're in a relationship and able to do this. try being 36, failed realtionship and a miscarriage and nowhere even near being in a relationship soon enough to even have ONE.

how's THAT for a headfuck and emotional turmoil. while allllllllllllllllll your friends are married with one, two, three kids.
yah. GREAT FUN
 

Metal Morphosis

TRIBE Member
men have their own journey of struggle and as far as I am concerned, the fact that they made it until the end without running as far away as possible is worthy of a "push present" as well.
this is a very valid point killa, i like this a lot.


Woman in this society seem to have forgotten this aspect and feel like they deserve a medal for something they were meant to do.
that said, i will be interested to hear how you feel AFTER you've been through L&D. i'm sure you'll do great b/c you have a very positive attitude towards pregnancy, birth and parenting, but if one thing is for sure, it's that pregnancy, birth and parenting never go exactly as planned.

good, healthy discussion today!
and sorry for your struggles Maria.
 

mariazmess

TRIBE Member
thanks dudes -- Iggs, thanks for the perspective.

And I agree MM -- i'm very eager to talk to Killa in 6 months to see what has changed. there are SO many things that I felt and understood so much more clearly after... I picked up the phone SO many times to friends or to my own mother to say, "Holy shit, I had NO IDEA."
 
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Cri

TRIBE Member
I am 37 weeks and yes, another girl :) I am very excited for this baby to be born, she can come anytime now as far as I am concerned! I want to meet her and I want to start feeling like my skin isn't about to explode. Bring on the labour! I can't wait!

Kevin did buy me a gift for this pregnancy although I wasn't expecting anything. It was really sweet. Previously, for Kinley, he had bought me a nice camera as my 'baby' present, and I had actually got him something for a 'baby' present also, a bonsai tree :) Baby presents all around :)
And I also think that there isn't anything wrong with receiving gifts at baby time :) but agreed, the 'push' present name leaves something to be desired..which is why we just call it a baby gift.
 

IgStar

TRIBE Member
thanks dudes -- Iggs, thanks for the perspective.
I read that after and thought "oh god I sound bitter" lol which I did not mean to at all.
but it does suck. I'm almost 36. Just got out of 4 yr relationship that I thought was going to be THE ONE, we miscarried 2 yrs ago...and a part of me sometimes wishes that I had at least gotten pregnant, I would have the baby I wanted, despite him being a douche. haha
so now, I find myself thinking this is probably just not gonna happen for me and that's depressing as fuck. I dunno..who knows. maybe the next year I'll meet the one, and it'll happen. but realistically, I highly doubt it.

I love coming in here and reading about you guys...but at the same time, it does make me sad somedays.
 
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