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The latest issue of Harpers magazine

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by Subsonic Chronic, Aug 29, 2003.

  1. Subsonic Chronic

    Subsonic Chronic TRIBE Member

    OMG, I'm laughing my ass off reading j-dogg's cyber sex transcripts in the "readings" section. What a great way to kill some time at work.

    Oh man... this stuff is gold.

    Anyone else have this? And no, I'm not retyping the whole thing out. :D

    Pete
     
  2. Boss Hog

    Boss Hog TRIBE Member

    Read it. Loved it. :) hilarious.

    Wish their magazine was online so we could post it.
     
  3. beaker

    beaker TRIBE Member

    i thought it was posted on here before.

    (but indeed - so fucking funny!)
     
  4. beaker

    beaker TRIBE Member

    found a copy of it with a couple of extra excerpts.

    sexysusan: Thats ok. Ok I'm a japanese schoolgirl, what are you.
    J-Dogg: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
    sexysusan: Haha, ok lets go.
    sexysusan: I put my hand through your hair, and kiss you on the neck.
    J-Dogg: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
    sexysusan: Haha, ok, you know that turns me on.
    sexysusan: I start unbuttoning your shirt.
    J-Dogg: Rhinoceruses don't were shirts.
    sexysusan: No, your not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
    J-Dogg: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fuking charge your ass.
    sexysusan: Stop, c'mon be serious.
    J-Dogg: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
    J-Dogg: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
    sexysusan: Thats it.
    J-Dogg: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
    J-Dogg: Goddam am I hard now.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    QT-Pie:Hey
    Jdogg:whats goin on
    QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
    Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
    QT-Pie:what does that mean?
    Jdogg:what are you wearing?
    QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
    Jdogg:Garter belt?
    QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
    Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
    QT-Pie: uh, okay.
    Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
    Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your stink from here.
    QT-Pie: WHAT?!
    Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
    Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
    Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dik puppet. I put on a little play.
    QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
    Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
    QT-Pie: A stripe?
    Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
    QT-Pie: You're a freak.
    Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Katey69: Sure, you into vegetables?
    J-Dogg: What like gardening an shiat?
    Katey69: Yeah, something like that.
    J-Dogg: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
    J-Dogg: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
    (pause)
    Katey69: is that it?
    J-Dogg: You water your tomato patch.
    J-Dogg: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
    Katey69: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
    (pause)
    J-Dogg: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
    J-Dogg: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
    Katey69: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
    J-Dogg: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
    J-Dogg: Damn baby your right, this shiat is HOT.
    Katey69...
    J-Dogg: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
    Katey69: What the fart is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
    J-Dogg: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
    Katey69: whatever.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    G-Love: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
    BritneySpears27: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
    BritneySpears27: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
    G-Love: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears27: WTF, I told you not to message me again.
    G-Love: Oh shiat
    BritneySpears27: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me fuking kiddie porn you fuk up.
    G-Love: Oh shiat
    G-Love: damn I gotta write down their names or something...


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Mandy4u26: Yeah I'm here.
    J-Dogg: You ready?
    Mandy4u26: Okay.
    J-Dogg: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.
    Mandy4u26: Cowboy boots?
    J-Dogg: WWI era trench issue boots.
    Mandy4u26: okay...
    J-Dogg: Help me pull my boots off baby.
    Mandy4u26: Whats that smell?
    J-Dogg: Rotting toes.
    Mandy4u26: Ummm...
    J-Dogg: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.
    Mandy4u26: ...
    J-Dogg: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    J-dogg:Your pretty funny
    DirtyKate:I don't remember you.. but thanx
    J-dogg:Wanna cyber?
    DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody (wink)
    DirtyKate:Who are you?
    J-dogg: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot.
    J-dogg:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's
    DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
    J-dogg:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
    DirtyKate: Haha! OK
    DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
    J-dogg:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
    DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
    J-dogg:Is this a delivery?
    DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
    DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
    J-dogg:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
    <pause>
    DirtyKate:Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
    J-dogg:You can't hurry good pizza.
    J-dogg:I'm on my way now though
    <pause>
    DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
    J-dogg:How did you know?
    J-dogg:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
    J-dogg:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
    DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
    J-dogg:So you're still in the bathroom?
    DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
    J-dogg:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
    DirtyKate:wtf?
    DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shiat
    DirtyKate:Fuk
     
  5. diego

    diego TRIBE Member

    Thats some pretty funny shiat
    It really made lol
     
  6. Boss Hog

    Boss Hog TRIBE Member

    J-Dogg>Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice, aight?
    BritneySpears27>Aight.
    J-Dogg>Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
    BritneySpears27>I slip out of my pants just for you, J-Dogg.
    J-Dogg>Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears27>Oh, I like to play dress up.
    J-Dogg>Me too baby.
    BritneySpears27>I kiss you softly on your chest.
    J-Dogg>I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a really beautiful women.
    BritneySpears27>Hey...
    J-Dogg>I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
    BritneySpears27>Funny I still don't see it.
    J-Dogg>I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
    BritneySpears27>You are the worst cybersex partner ever. This is ridiculous.
    J-Dogg>Don't fuck with me bitch. I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
    J-Dogg>I steal yo soul and cast Lightening Lvl. 1,000,000. Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
    BritneySpears27>Don't ever message me again you piece of shiat.
    J-Dogg>Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightening shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
    J-Dogg>King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnick's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The Cold War ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes it like was cause of him.
    J-Dogg>You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
    J-Dogg>Baby?
     
  7. vveerrgg

    vveerrgg TRIBE Promoter

    is it REALLY possible to have net sex like this?

    please ppl...... tell me it's real. i wanna try. i wanna try.....
     
  8. alexd

    alexd Administrator Staff Member

    "Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness. "
     

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