• Hi Guest: Welcome to TRIBE, the online home of TRIBE MAGAZINE. If you'd like to post here, or reply to existing posts on TRIBE, you first have to register. Join us!

The "Guys Rules" Thread

MalGlo

TRIBE Member
I'm sure its been done b4.. but I liked this list :)

Add to it as you feel necessary:

THE GUYS RULES
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequ! ently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done not bot! h. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I’m in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

Cheers,

Dave
 
Stop Bill C-10

MalGlo

TRIBE Member
watch it woman!

i just copied and pasted.. i think the guy was implying that all rules are worthy of top priority :)

i particularly liked the 2nd last #1 :)

"1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. "
 

Rosey

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by MalGlo
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

werd!
 

Preroller

TRIBE Member
great list Dave......:D

hmmmm I guess I can add some......

1. Dont use my face razor to shave your legs
1.feel free to walk around topless, we like it.
 
tribe cannabis accessories silver grinders

defazman

TRIBE Member
I wish I could take credit for these.......

The Rules

#1) There will be no more warnings for bad behavior prior to going to dump city. One simple mistake and it’s thanks for coming out.

2) The expression, “he’s cute” will definitely never be part of your vocabulary. If it is, be prepared to have “See yah in the City” be part of your boys.

3) When your guy says shut up I’m watching sports, shut up, he’s watching sports.

4) You never see your guy watching sports and say “but honey, so and so is on.” Women, when I’m watching sports, nothing else is fucking on!

5) The question "Where have you been?" will never be asked. If you are supposed to know where I’ve been, you will be told.

6) You will no longer read a woman’s magazine and get stupid ideas from it. Like honey it says that if your guy doesn’t bring you flowers, he doesn’t love you any more. Fuck woman if I don’t love you any more, I’ll fucking tell you. More than likely the only reason I told you in the first place to shut you up any way.

7) (Continuation of #6) Don’t read woman’s magazines period!! Now you might think this means that you should read mens magazines to get in touch with what we’re thinking, don’t do it.

8) Don’t touch my fucking stuff. Woman what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine is an out of date expression. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours in MINE!

9) No conversation will ever be started with “I have a problem”. Who the hell cares, you just said it yourself, you have the problem, don’t try and make it mine.

10) Never show up empty handed to see your guy when he is busy without bringing restitution. Meaning if you show up to visit at work, don’t sit around and talk about your day like an idiot. Bring some food or booze or something. Hard as it is to believe, when we’re not alone, if you don’t have goodies, I don’t wanna see yah!

11) Any time your guy complains about a grade he received in school, your response will always be, “Well honey at least your way smarter than me”!

12) Thinking that you can go to sleep without getting busy is just the same as thinking I wonder what it’s going to be like when my boyfriend dumps me.

13) Any time your guy asks you for a strip tease you will respond with the question “Lap or table dance master”!

14) If your guy has to wash his own balls in the shower, it’s time to start looking for a new ball and chain.

15) If you ever ask the question “don’t you think you’ve had enough?" when it comes to drinking, know the answer will be “I’ve had enough of you babe, hit the bricks”.

16) If you have an ex-boyfriend he will get the living shit beaten out of him. Whether or not you are still friends with him or not your reaction will be “wow he sure had that coming, babe you’re a real man”!

17) No statements like "I think this would be a good name for our child?" or "where are we going to live when we get married?" will be tolerated at all!!

18) If we put up with you for more than a month, you’ve become untilitarian. Meaning that there is something that you have that we want. i.e genetics.

19) Just for reference your brothers and sisters all piss me off, no I don’t want to hang out with them and they are not funny or cute.

20) Your parents piss me off, no I don’t like them I only met them to get in your pants.

21) Women’s sports are stupid, whether you play them or watch them, don’t expect us to fake interest in the lesser version of a man’s sport.

22) If you get slapped around, always remember you had that coming. If it helps just repeat this little reminder “I know better than that, I’ll try harder next time”.

23) When you are asked about your guy, phrases like oh yah, isn’t he a geek, will definitely not be tolerated. You will say yah that’s my man the perfect picture of masculinity and take your slut eyes off him.

24) Also if a hot girl asks you if we are dating, you will respond with no we’re just friends, do you want his number. Of course if she’s looking pretty rough you will say oh yes and he is all mine.

25) Don’t ever ask for favors, nothing comes without paying the price, If you want a favor, don’t forget to ask my friend south of the border first.

26) Condoms are for sailers, don’t expect me to wear them. Quite frankly baby you always said you wanted to share, well here yah go.

27) Just for reference your favorite movie sucks, don’t ask me to watch or your going to find yourself watching the classic, “when I screwed up and got sent out on my ass”.

28) If you don’t live in the same city as me, don’t expect me to call you. That shit costs huge money, and quite frankly baby, I don’t go to work so I can spend my cash on listening to you complain.

29) Birth control: your responsibility, getting knocked up: YOUR PROBLEM!

30) When you start a converstaion with “do you wanna hear a funny story” I can already tell you the answer NO.

31) When you tell me how you could tell how drunk I was by how bad I was driving, let it go, we’re alive aren’t we.

32) There is a reason that I didn’t ask you how your day went….I didn’t fucking care.

33) If you ask, “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” If I’m starring at her, you figure it out.

34) John Bobbit-Stud, Lorraina Bobbit- Crazy Whore

35) Sex tips will be taken as personal insults and will be responded too, with“how the hell would you know you like that, who did that to you? Get out of my room whore!”

36) If I say I’d fuck her, get over. If you only knew the type of girls that a drunk man would actually lie down with, then you would be so impressed that he shows up at your door every time.

37) If you say you want to die your hair and you are told it will look stupid if you do your gone, and then do. Wipe that shocked look off of your face when you are canned.

38) Hi honey I forgot to put your beer in the fridge so I guess it’s warm. Do I even need to tell you what this means.

39) If your guy is sleeping with his ex girlfriends, he’s not cheating, he’s just thinking of her feelings and letting her down softly. P.S if your talking your ex-boyfriends your history.

40) Suggestions that seem obvious pointing out something stupid that the boy has done will be kept to yourself and never to be spoken about again.

41) When we take a shower together if you drop the soap, the warden will not save you.

42) Price range for meals.
$15……………..blow job
$20……………..sex
$30……………..you do all the work and have desert

43) If I ever tell you a story about someone that pissed me off, just remember that I was right and they were wrong. You don’t want to find yourself on the wrong side of the rage.

44) If you tell me about this really nice, funny guy that you met, you might as well go all the way and tell me where he lives so it saves me the trouble of looking it up to kick his ass.

45) If you think you look fat in something, go on a fucking diet!

46) The next time you say I don’t know if I should do this it might be stupid, remember the first reaction is usually the right one.

47) If the thought of you even making a joke about my country of origin crosses your mind, just remember that it is full of thousands of girls who would love to be in your shoes.

48) If I’ve ever gotten drunk and suggested a 3 way, just remember I was drunk and I really didn’t mean it. Of course the best way to get me back would be to make me do those things I said I’d do while I was drunk.

49) If you ever smoke, you can consider your butt put out. Better start thumbin baby.

50) You are lucky and privaledged to be with one of the guys, if you ever forget this, just know that you will be reminded with your immediate dissmissal.
 

Michkey

TRIBE Member
Seriously, the toilet seat nagging is annoying (although thankfully my wonderful girlfriend never says a word).

A. Who dictates what the default setting is?
B. Which aspect of male laziness is preferred: leaving the seat up so it has to be put down, or leaving the seat down so that we can 'aim' around it?
 
tribe cannabis accessories silver grinders

KiX

TRIBE Member
Defazman:

Allow me to step out of the kitchen for a few seconds, and assuming i have your permission to speak.....wishing you could take credit for that sexist mysognist bullshit?? Dave's list was charming. Your list was nothing short of incredibly offensive. I know it was meant as a joke, but for fucks sake. It degrades women into nothing short of voiceless weak sex objects.

=tina=
 

KiX

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by MalGlo
something i did was charming! score! :)

Hi tina;)

Dave

Yah but you blew it by sending out that email around your office.

:(

That really sucks dood. That shit is REALLY offensive.

=tina=
 

deep

TRIBE Member
Look at it this way Tina, if any guys actually believe that shit it's not likely they're going to get laid anyways.
 
tribe cannabis accessories silver grinders

Rosey

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by KiX
Defazman:

Allow me to step out of the kitchen for a few seconds, and assuming i have your permission to speak.....wishing you could take credit for that sexist mysognist bullshit?? Dave's list was charming. Your list was nothing short of incredibly offensive. I know it was meant as a joke, but for fucks sake. It degrades women into nothing short of voiceless weak sex objects.

=tina=
WERD!!!
the first list was kinda funny, the second is disgusting. :mad:
 

KiX

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by deep
Look at it this way Tina, if any guys actually believe that shit it's not likely they're going to get laid anyways.

Would you be saying the same thing about someone who sent around the same sort of shit degrading blacks?

Ohh it's ok.... let it circulate, everyone knows its a joke anyways.

Why shoudln't i get offended by derogatory comments like that?? Did you read it?? "If you drop the soap... the warden won't be there to help you"... that's fucking promoting rape. "Price range for meals. $20……………..sex " We're expected to sell our bodies if you go out of your way and buy us a meal?

Granted, I'm sure most of the people who read this and laughed won't take it seriosuly pull this shit on their girlfriends, but it still promotes a VERY sexist way of thinking... it keeps on instilling a male-dominated view of the sexes, something that should NOT be an issue anymore.

=tina=
 

Libradragon

TRIBE Promoter
GO TINA!

i agree one hundred fucking percent with every word tina said ^^.

I don't see how pronstar's joking around *yay for the negros* thread is any worse than the email above.
 

Rosey

TRIBE Member
Re: GO TINA!

Originally posted by Libradragon

I don't see how pronstar's joking around *yay for the negros* thread is any worse than the email above.
it's not worse, kenny made 1 dumb comment and tried to justify it - maybe with reason, maybe not, that's neither here nor there - that list is as bad as a KKK '50 Ways to kill a N****r' list.
 

Cri

TRIBE Member
Yep...

The first list was cute...the second one was just horrible! It was in no way funny and in every way disgusting!!
 
tribe cannabis accessories silver grinders

starr

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by defazman
I wish I could take credit for these.......

The Rules

22) If you get slapped around, always remember you had that coming. If it helps just repeat this little reminder “I know better than that, I’ll try harder next time”.

definitely unfunny
i'm with tina and naomi on this one
 

deep

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by KiX


snip


Easy tiger, despite having a penis, I'm not objecting to what you said. :)

I didn't read over either list, mostly because they're pretty boring/cliched rather than amusing. Regarding their potency in shaping social norms, I don't think they're as virulent as say, groups or places in society where such attitudes can be dispensed without reprocussion and still allow people to get what they want. That being said, I still think it bears mentioning that anyone who believes that kind of shit will find themselves punishing themselves, because ignorant attitudes tend to conflict with basic social (and in this case, sexual) needs. I think those needs are stronger than the need to hold such prejudiced attitudes, so over time it tends to sort people out. Kind of darwinian in that sense. Just mentioning this because if you find yourself getting upset at this kind of stuff it's sometimes good to keep in mind that people are only screwing themselves over if they actually believe it.
 

MalGlo

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by KiX


Yah but you blew it by sending out that email around your office.

:(

That really sucks dood. That shit is REALLY offensive.

=tina=

i only sent it to 3 guys around me ;) all 3 are crude .. no innocent males were corrupted in any way by it !! :)


btw -- sure that list was pretty damn harsh --- I found it funny I guess cause I could visualize a couple people saying it....(namely, the guy who sits beside me at work)

Cheers,
Dave
 
tribe cannabis accessories silver grinders
Top