The Fork In The Road, The Path To be Chosen

[Jazz]

OK, so I’m going to start off by saying that I wouldn’t normally turn to this type of forum and people I don’t really know to discuss a major life decision. Not for any negative reasons, but rather because I would usually just go to a close friend (and previously my now ex-girlfriend). But because of the nature of the issue, it’s not really possible to talk to a lot of my close friends about it.

And for the last year that I’ve been registered on Tribe (and the previous year as a lurker) I’ve come to respect a lot of the TBK (even though I haven’t met most of you) for their insightful views on the world and life in general.

Has anyone out there woken up one day, looked at yourself, your life, and just wanted to leave it all behind? Well it happened to me, very suddenly, and now I’m in a real state of confusion. I know there are some people that like to live life as wanderers, always moving around, looking for new adventures, etc. But that’s not me, I’ve always been happy to be grounded, have a close group of friends, and just be content with life.

So what’s triggered these feelings? Well, I’ve been asking myself that question for the past few weeks, and I think I’ve figured out some of the answers. Even though I’m happy with my life I can’t shake the feeling that I’m just treading water, going through the paces, and wasting time doing the same old thing, week after week. I’m 24 years old, and compared to some people my age I’ve done quite a lot… compared to others I’ve probably done very little… but despite the things I have accomplished so far, I still feel that I haven’t really been able to grow as a person… I was in a serious relationship for 6 years that ended a little while ago, I’ve had the same core group of close friends for longer than that, and it just feels as if these past years have been one very long, never ending episode.

Complicating the situation further is that my ex-gf is also a part of my group of close friends, and I can see drama unfolding around this which I just don’t want to be involved in. It’s already begun to a certain degree, and I really don’t like where it’s headed. I can easily see things snowballing and trapping me in it along the way.

It feels like nothing will really change in my life as long as I stay in Toronto. So I’m seriously considering picking up and taking off for a while… maybe a year, maybe longer, I really don’t know… I have the option of going back to the UK where I was born and raised, which would be relatively easy and makes it even more appealing… Some people are probably going to think that I’m running away from the situation, maybe I am to a certain degree… which is still one of the questions I need to resolve…

I’m hoping that someone out there knows where I’m coming from, maybe gone through a similar situation, and can give me some insight… this is an extremely big decision for me, probably the biggest of my life yet, and I’ve got a lot of soul searching yet to do…

 

[mingster]

I know how you feel, going through it myself right now.
All I can say right now is, be careful that you're not running away from you. Cause you can't. You will be there, wherever you go. And you will still have to deal with you.

It's hard to tell if you're doing this or not, cause I don't know you. Just be honest with yourself. You seem like a smart guy. Make sure you're not running away from something you can't escape.

Ming.

 

[Klubmasta Will]

it is impossible to give meaningful advice in a vacuum (i.e. without knowing details about why you are considering taking off).

sometimes, a fresh start is EXACTLY what you need.

think about why you are leaving though. my first thought upon reading your message is that you are leaving because it hurts you to think about your ex-girlfriend.

if this is the case, then you should probably take some time to let initial emotions pass. it's best to have perspective before making such a life-altering decision. (on the other hand, there's nothing stopping you from taking an extended trip to get away from things. in fact, that might help you get the perspective you need to make the big decision.)

respect and good luck.

 

[poker face]

I have been going through this for the past year.

You need to find yourself some new friends, I am not saying get rid of your old ones, but get some new ones so you don't have to be around your ex.

If things are not going well for you here I can understand, but don't move somewhere that when you get there you will be even worse off.

just some suggestions!

 

[Eclectic]

Empathy

I totally know where your coming from. I'm at the same place in my life right now.


For the past 4 years I've been at my job. Hopping around departments looking for more money.

I bought my car and in 3 months it will be totally paid off. Then I'm looking for a new one.

I've been together with my girlfriend for the last 6 years.

I finally got job's at 2 club's in town so I get paid for spinning! Yay!

But there is something wrong.....

I'm bored.

It seems like when I finally achieved what I wanted to do I have nothing left to strive for and I don't know where I want my life to turn now.

It's a really weird feeling to not know where your life is heading or where you want it to go. It's not that I don't have ambitions or dreams but they just don't seem like something I can start at this point in my life.

It's almost like I know where I am, I know where I want to go but I don't know how to get there.

All my friends are going back to school and telling me I should but what is the point of going to shcool if you don't know what you want to take?

Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to marry my girlfriend and while I have thought of it and decided that she is the one, I don't feel comfortable doing it till she's done school and we've been living together for a little bit.

So basically I know exactly where your coming from. I need a big change in my life but I'm not sure where that change will come from or what it will be.


Maybe I should get completely out of debt first.....

 

[InFa]

meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless.

I've been exactly where you are and I talked to many people who did things that I thought would bring me some meaning. I think everywhere you go, things are generally the same. Your at an age where you want find yourself, and now you finally have the opportunity since you and your gf are no longer interdependent. 6yrs is a long time invested in something that will eventually fade away to a memory and so it will be with life. I have personally found the raison d'etre and can not thank God enough. Searchers remain searchers even after they've been found.



Infa-

 

[somasociety]

Go travel. Go travel go travel go travel.

though mingster's right about being careful to not just be running away from your problems, i found nothing cleared my head and got me to really re-evaluate things like getting the hell out of t.o. and backpacking around overseas.

and hey, sometimes escape ain't such a bad thing...

 

[somasociety]

Searchers remain searchers even after they've been found.

^^^ ooohh, i like that quote infa

 

[lazy]

Originally posted by somasociety
Go travel. Go travel go travel go travel.

though mingster's right about being careful to not just be running away from your problems, i found nothing cleared my head and got me to really re-evaluate things like getting the hell out of t.o. and backpacking around overseas.

and hey, sometimes escape ain't such a bad thing...

this is dead on..

Travel works.

Hello new perspective! I'm glad you could make it!

If you feel you're the sort that likes to be 'grounded' then maybe you are. Don't go for a year. Go for an extended trip --> open your mind and look around. When you get back to Toronto you'll see things differently.

 

[Jazz]

Thanks to everyone for their input... reading through the responses has definitely given me some more things to think about... I'm definitely going to take a lot of time to think everything over before I make any decisions... I will be heading to the UK for a month vacation in May, already had this planned for a long time... so I won't be making any decisions until I come back... but I have already decided to at least take a few months this year to go travel... it's something I've always wanted to do, and I don't think I'll get a better opportunity than this...

Originally posted by Klubmasta Will
think about why you are leaving though. my first thought upon reading your message is that you are leaving because it hurts you to think about your ex-girlfriend.

Well you're half right... but not because it hurts to think about or see my ex-gf, it was my decision to end the relationship and I have no regrets over that... but I do think putting some time & space between myself and her would be good for both of us... I think we both need time apart to get our heads together...

 

[stir-fry]

i had a discussion with a friend of mine last week and the bottom line of the discussion is that we are ALL BORED! We do the same old thing all the time cause nothing else seems fun, yet the stuff we currently do isn't all that fun either.. it just helps to pass time.

but i think that's what we are on this planet for.. just to pass time.

 

[Sassy]

Originally posted by Jazz

…
I’m hoping that someone out there knows where I’m coming from, maybe gone through a similar situation, and can give me some insight… this is an extremely big decision for me, probably the biggest of my life yet, and I’ve got a lot of soul searching yet to do…

I totally relate to everything you said Jazz its almost scary. I decided recently that I needed to get away and be in a different environment, travel. At first I questioned myself and wondered if it was running away but after much thinking I have decided that its not about running away but rather trying to do a little soul searching and try to gain a little bit of perspective.

Six years is/was a long relationship, I am sure you still associate and maybe even think of yourself as a couple instead of an individual. It must be especially hard since you share the same group of friends. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to pick up and see some of the world, I think you will benifit greatly from it as long as you are realistic about your expectations and realize that you can't run away from anything, you might be able to forget things for a while but they will always come back to haunt you if you don't deal with them.

Good Luck, I definitely think you should go away and have the time of your life, I hope you eventually find all the things you are looking for, just give yourself some time.

 

[vinder]

dude, it seems like you need a little changeup. maybe before you head to the uk (see you at homelands!!!!), you should try maybe changing up things a little while you are here.

go out and meet some new people, get a new perspective. i can't say my situation has ever been as drastic as yours, but sometimes just doing something different, with different people helps alot. you get to find out why things were so much fun again, cause you're not falling into the same routines as you normally do.

routine kills all.

do something different. explore. travel. find out what it means to really have fun again, on your own.


i'll give you a call soon, try not to worry too much.

 

[tobywan]

Originally posted by somasociety
Go travel. Go travel go travel go travel.

though mingster's right about being careful to not just be running away from your problems, i found nothing cleared my head and got me to really re-evaluate things like getting the hell out of t.o.

Bang on! For the past few weeks I had the opportunity to be able to travel across Canada(while getting paid to do so), and see our wonderful country....now that I'm back, I'm thinking more deeply about where my life is heading, as well as my career.

Bias

 

[Cheeka]

I'm in the same boat Jazz... I have totally been treading water for the last year.
I got out of a 5 year relationship about 9 months ago. I am totally uninterested and uninspired in my job.
I guess I just don't have anything in sight that I really feel is worth my time or energy.

So I have decided to make a big move.
I have thought about doing this before (and actually did it once a couple of years ago) but I realized that I was doing it (and did it) to run away from things.
I know that is the wrong reason.

But this time I really feel that I am going to something.
That I will hopefully find some of the answers I have been looking for - and if nothing else learn a lot about myself.
The more I internalize what I am about to do - the more right it feels.
So t-minus 5 months and its bon voyage time.

 

[AlyG]

Make sure that you take into consideration the possibility that travelling will make you feel more lost/bored/disenchanted...once I arrived home I felt totally separated from those around me, both old friends and family. I realized that in order to feel better I will have to leave again and try to find the *independence? experiences?* that I'm still looking for.

A <---queen of escapism