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Ted and Gloria Gone?

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by nawberry, Oct 14, 2005.

  1. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member


    “The Times They Are A’ Changingâ€-

    It has been over 35 years since Bob Dylan first mumbled those famous words, and since that time his famous verse has served as an easy way to punch up the beginning of written material for an innumerable amount of people who are too lazy to come up with anything original.

    And the times they are a’ changing as it has been recently reported that Canadian Tire may soon scrap their Ted and Gloria ad campaign opting for commercials that are more “pleasing†and that feature “likable†characters and that are not “annoying†to the viewer. Since when are those attributes the primary concerns of advertisers?

    Advertising is not about money, it is about expression, and deceiving the public, and making kid’s want things they do not need and their parents cannot afford.

    It seems like only yesterday (figuratively) that Ted and Gloria burst onto the Canadian advertising scene unseating both the seemingly unstoppable Dave Nicholls and Esso “Don’t call me Tony†Tiger (who always seemed beatable) taking their rightful place at the helm of Canadian advertising; and in the process, forever entering the consciousness and hearts of Canadians (particularly in the 35-45 year old demographic, and not so much for 20 to 30 year olds).

    Now, after years at the top it now seems that Ted and Gloria’s days as the spokespeople for Canadian tires are numbered. And I for one am sad to see them go (and somewhat infuriated).

    Sure they peddled crap, and no question Ted was little more than a cheap Bob Villa knockoff. And sure, I was really disgusted with them when my Mastercraft laser level irreparably burned my retina, but nevertheless, those two icons were probably the best thing to happen to Canadian television since Wok with Yan.

    And I am sure I am not the only one who has spent many a night fantasying about getting freaky with those two on one of the inflatable mattresses that they seem so keen on (it would have to be quick though because those mattresses deflate rapidly).

    I have learned from experience that resorting to violence or arson in these types of situations is not the answer. And sure there is a lot to be said for doing nothing about this and simply minding ones own business, but that is not my way. So I am turning to tribers to take on the cause and let those Canadian Tire bastards know that you will not stand for this.

    My psychologist has warned me that I have a dangerous tendency to take up insignificant causes as a way of avoiding real issues that have an actual impact on me, and that my Ted and Gloria obsession serves as a perfect example of this tendency, but I think he probably doesn’t watch TV so he doesn’t know or comprehend their importance.

    So, I am now left wondering what will become of Ted and Gloria, perhaps they will become the first duo to share a seat in the Canadian Senate, maybe UN Ambassadors or maybe even they will have their own weeklong square on Hollywood Squares (I envision them between Mayim Balik and Emanuel Lewis).

    But as with Peter Puck, the St. Hubert Chicken, and Damaso Garcia, it is quite distressing to see the demise of a yet another Canadian icon (s).

    Yet, I still hope that everyone has a good a weekend as possible given the circumstances, Ted and Gloria would want it that way.
  2. Muad'ib

    Muad'ib Well-Known TRIBEr

    i fucking hate them. what is sad is that they are replacing them with a different and younger dweeby guy and butchy girl combo.
  3. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    We all hated them, but that is not the point....oh wait maybe it is.
  4. Lil'Timmy

    Lil'Timmy TRIBE Promoter

    Canadian Icon :rolleyes:

    I'll like to shoot Ted with a Mastercraft nailgun and stick that highpower'd hose up his ass and give him a good mastercraft colon cleaning.

    Bring back Give Like Santa, Save Like Scrooge...and have them participate in a lightsaber duel on Christmas eve.
  5. Chris

    Chris Well-Known TRIBEr

    I love that smoken hot broad that seems to be in quite a few commercials now, brunette, dark eyes I think? Does the Ballys ad, etc.

  6. silver1

    silver1 TRIBE Member

    What about their fat kid who needed that super slow motorized water propeller to help him swim?

    Ya like it wouldn't hurt little pudgy boy there to use his own arms to swim for some actual exercise.
  7. kmac

    kmac TRIBE Member


    <3 <3

    You've more than made up for some of your weaker threads as of late.

    RIP Ted and Gloria (but they're no Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod, ok?)
  8. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    I tried to shoot my waiter at Swiss Chalet with a Mastercraft nailgun and it didn't even pierce his skin.
  9. Michael Drury

    Michael Drury TRIBE Member

    The words in quotes used (above) to descibe the current ads is very interesting. It blows my mind that the campaign wasn't pulled earlier if those words are beign used by the client.

    See ya!
  10. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    I always thought that being strapped to one of those motorized water propellers would be a great way to slowly make a grand entrance at the Dock's patio on a South Beach Sunday.
  11. bombthreat23

    bombthreat23 TRIBE Member

    nothing will EVER beat the canadian tire commercial with the red bike...where the kid cuts it out of the magazine and the father unloads it at the end out the pick up...reduces me to tears EVERY TIME
  12. Krzysiu

    Krzysiu TRIBE Member

    globe and mail had a viewer poll that had Ted as the number one hated person on television for canadians... I mean, he beat hitler and saddam and ben mulroony!!

    and all he was doing was biting bob vila's styles
  13. Klubmasta Will

    Klubmasta Will TRIBE Member

    gloria slade used to be my secretary at my first law firm.

    now i won't be able to point to the TV during canadian tire commercials to say "hey, that's my secretary." :(
  14. coleridge

    coleridge TRIBE Member

    Thread about her somewhere here on Tribe. Quite a few people on here know her as she used to be in the party scene.
  15. Klubmasta Will

    Klubmasta Will TRIBE Member

    hah, i wanted one of those.
  16. Booty Bits

    Booty Bits TRIBE Member

    Re: Re: Ted and Gloria Gone?

    i think you're taking this a shade too seriously.

    p.s. scrooge for life! timmy's right!
    p.p.s. i totally agree about the red bike ad... that one really tugged at the old heart strings.
  17. Rataxès

    Rataxès TRIBE Member

    CTC needs to grasp their core demographic and give them what they really want: hot, girl-on-girl action. We need Cherri and Tawni, Canada's first open lipstick spokes-lesbian couple, two lusty, but resourceful, Do-it-yourselfers (wink-wink) who are full of wanton, sapphic sexuality and home improvement tips.

    Imagine the L Word but with Mastercraft powertools, soft-focus lighting, and breathy girlgasms, all with a pinch of sagely DIY advice. Upcoming 30-second spots include an expanding range of characters: Dawn, Cherri's 19 year-old neighbour who helps clean their pool and learns a thing or two about herself in the process; Tammi-lee, Tawny's college roomate, visits to highlight car-care products in a sudsy romp; and Rob, the hapless middle-aged guy across the street, who 'likes to watch...how Cherri and Tawni use Canadian Tire products to make their lives easier'.

    CTC's long-standing 'It Starts with You' tag line will be replaced by C&T's new tagline: 'Sometimes you need a big tool to get the job done.'
  18. octo

    octo TRIBE Member

    Thank God. I can't stand those two.
  19. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    You could say the same thing about other commercial personalities but you just would be lying. I falsely tell people that the Glad guy is my uncle to try and impress them, I used to say that about Mr. Clean until I realized he was fake.

    And let me tell you Pam Coburn was not the only one who sent smutty e-mails to Joe Carnevale, although mine were just one-way.
  20. stir-fry

    stir-fry TRIBE Member

    I saw him once at a restaurant and he was having dinner with a guy. They appeared to be on a date.
  21. ginsu

    ginsu TRIBE Member

    Looks like the ads worked though! :p
  22. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Re: Re: Ted and Gloria Gone?

    I will try harder kmac, I am sorry.

    From now on I will drink less before posting, and if that doesn't work then I will try drink more, if that doesn't work I will use a thesaurus, if that doesn't work I will plagerize.
  23. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Re: Re: Re: Ted and Gloria Gone?

    But kid's constantly change their minds about their wants, and that Kid played his Dad like a fiddle, and I have no doubt that two weeks after that kid got his fuckin red bike he probably desperately wanted a Furby or a playstation or a Dad that could afford stuff.
  24. thom100

    thom100 TRIBE Member

    I used to work with Ted at West Camera , he is a great guy.
  25. graham

    graham Well-Known TRIBEr

    I want that guy to go out in a blaze of glory: The commercials to start getting darker and darker, following his apparant descent into madness, and then revenge as he starts morphing into the tools themselves, then into lasers, then into a laser that destroys solar systems - until finally, inevitably, he destroys the Sun and 8 minutes later the Earth.

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