Superpowers: cheap and easy?

Krzysiu · Mar 15, 2006

I'm mediocre at best.

this lack of flight, superhuman strength, laser vision, or ability to explode on command is giving me some mid march blues...

I'm sure it has to be superpowers cause I'm not clever enough to be the world's greatest detective, and there are not chances of me practicing archery on a desert isle for a couple years like the green arrow, and ofcourse, my robotic metal suit is at the cleaners.

So its up to a chance event for me... exposure to gamma radiation, struck by lightening, gift hammer from Odin, etc. Being hit by a truck carrying toxic waste maybe?

I've tried the basics: spider bites, getting shocked, sitting in front of the microwave, waiting for my latent mutant powers to manifest, but nada... lets face it, I'm normal.

So I'm going to need suggestions on where i can get some specially abilities quick, easy and relatively painlessly!

I'm all spandex'd up and no place to go...

The Watcher · Mar 15, 2006

Eat 10 of these, wait 4 hours, and you'll be able to clear a room in seconds.

Carry a lighter with ya and you can call yourself the blue flame!

10 x 1.39 + Tax = $15.98
Bic Lighter = $2

So for 20$... you'd be super something.

Flashy_McFlash · Mar 15, 2006

Loud and wet, just like Aquaman.

Ditto Much · Mar 15, 2006

Krzysiu said:
So I'm going to need suggestions on where i can get some specially abilities quick, easy and relatively painlessly!

I'm all spandex'd up and no place to go...

Actually the crack reserach team I've kept in my hidden lair have had some great results. Many people feel a tremendous difference with the very first drink of M-Water. The cells become hydrated properly for the first time in a person's life, with increased physical energy, decreased pain and stress, mental clarity, a feeling of ease and emotional balance.

We have also created a special pendant that has been anodized with the colour Violet, which is the healing ray of the rainbow spectrum. The atomic structure of the outer shell has been altered, so that it is in resonance with a high-frequency vibration of the life force. The Tesla Purple Energy Shield™ possesses a field of energy capable of penetrating any living thing - plant, animal or human.

We're also almost finished our testing on a pill that gives you super human memory and also counters the effects of aging.

We expect to have the full catalog availible online within the next 2 - 3 weeks please check back then.

Galactic Phantom · Mar 15, 2006

On Drawn Together, they had a villian named the Mad Feltcher, you can take on that identity.

deevah · Mar 15, 2006

i cannot believe the intarweb is devoid of pix of damon wayans as handi-man

Brandon · Mar 15, 2006

"Never...underestimate...the power of...the handicapped..."

Krzysiu · Mar 15, 2006

I need something that reflects my personality but also satisfy my need to help others until it gets boring...

I also need a good origin story... can't tell who I am until we know where I'm from!

quantumize · Mar 15, 2006

Krzysiu said:
but nada... lets face it, I'm normal.

lets not jump the gun on this one..your normal-ish

Ditto Much · Mar 15, 2006

See I've realized that I don't have super powers. So instead I'm designing a lair and a uniform for my 'henchmen' and I figure I'm just going to be a super villain. Its easier and you don't need super powers only mindless cronies who'll do anything they are told, which I'll tell you sure as hell aren't in short supply down here in the USA.

I also need 1 brunette with massive tits and glasses to wear skimpy outfits and betray me to my enemies when the time comes.

If your interested in being one of my henchmen please fire me a PM along with what sized uniform you will need. If you are a brunette with big tits please PM a picture along with any personal choices for your skimpy outfit. Note this is one of the few cases where I won’t be asking (or demanding) sexual favors.

basketballjones · Mar 15, 2006

quantumize said:
lets not jump the gun on this one..your normal-ish

lol

Krzysiu · Mar 15, 2006

born to parents, chris lived a fairly uneventful life until one day, while experimenting with radioactive agents in his garage laboratory, he exposed himself... to his neighbors and was arrested for lewd conduct and thus became... Recidivistic Chris!!

Thumpr · Mar 15, 2006

Krzysiu said:
I need something that reflects my personality but also satisfy my need to help others until it gets boring...

I also need a good origin story... can't tell who I am until we know where I'm from!

how about you're from the Soo, and you fart nickels?

Ditto Much · Mar 15, 2006

You all say you want superpowers, you all say you want to be part of something, but when I open the doors to you you all hide. Is there not one brunette with big tits who will betray me to my enemies when they time comes to redeam herself in the eyes of justice. Not one henchmen who is willing to lay it all on the line with little hope of ever accomplishing anything unique as an individual.

Krzysiu · Mar 15, 2006

I thought they shat coal and iron, and it was people from sudbury who fart nickles?

Thumpr · Mar 15, 2006

i know, but 'from the Soo' sounded mysterious

Krzysiu · Mar 15, 2006

Ditto Much said:
You all say you want superpowers, you all say you want to be part of something, but when I open the doors to you you all hide. Is there not one brunette with big tits who will betray me to my enemies when they time comes to redeam herself in the eyes of justice. Not one henchmen who is willing to lay it all on the line with little hope of ever accomplishing anything unique as an individual.

finding a villian on tribe is like finding a needle in a giant pile of needles with a bonifide electrified needle finding device... and then acting surprized.

Ditto Much · Mar 15, 2006

Yes but I'm not just a villain I'm an insane villain. Trust me on this ask a few tribers, I'm certifiably nuts!!

Eclectic · Mar 15, 2006

Ditto Much said:
If your interested in being one of my henchmen please fire me a PM along with what sized uniform you will need. If you are a brunette with big tits please PM a picture along with any personal choices for your skimpy outfit. Note this is one of the few cases where I won’t be asking (or demanding) sexual favors.

Do you offer any sort of medical/dental benefits?

Also, what colors are your uniforms?

Ditto Much · Mar 15, 2006

Eclectic said:
Do you offer any sort of medical/dental benefits?

Also, what colors are your uniforms?

Originally I was going to go for black, but everyone looked the same so I went with white which was far to easy to see at night so I switched to purple but then I heard that purple is the colour of sexual frustration so I switched to green which was a total failure because the army wore green and it always looked like I was winning even when I wasn't we tried orange and then red but everyone looked like they were in prison and moral dropped real quickly, currently we're using blue.

With the exception of the brunette with big tits and glasses she gets to wear whatever colour she wants as long as its tiny body tight and shows off plenty of cleavage.

as a special offer any henchman who introduces the brunette with big tits to my organization will get to be her personal attache!

Ditto Much · Mar 15, 2006

Oh in regards to medical/benefits...

We offer the most comprehensive medical and retirement program on the market. Simply put you pay in the same as the autoworkers do but we pay out 10x the pension and all medical treetments are %100 covered!

Eclectic · Mar 15, 2006

I have an eyepatch....can I wear that?

Also, do you allow pets?

I have a Leemur that does various meaningless tasks for me like retrieving my keys, loosening various knots, pushing buttons that cause chandeliers to fall on people, accidently shooting any stray guns that happen to be laying around.

I was just wondering if I could bring him along.

mariazmess · Mar 15, 2006

Well, I’ll be radioactive this weekend – if you want to come over on Friday afternoon or Saturday, you can sit beside me for extended periods of time... or we can make out and see what happens. ??

I got nothin to lose!... Except maybe my self-respect...
:0

Ditto Much · Mar 15, 2006

Eclectic said:
I have an eyepatch....can I wear that?

Also, do you allow pets?

I have a Leemur that does various meaningless tasks for me like retrieving my keys, loosening various knots, pushing buttons that cause chandeliers to fall on people, accidently shooting any stray guns that happen to be laying around.

I was just wondering if I could bring him along.

I'm worried that you are over qualified for my 'henchman' position and I get the feeling that your also not a brunette with big tits. Over the next few months we will be interviewing for the position of mad scientist and also for a pretty boy to infiltrate enemy organizations and act as a spy.

We will contact you shortly in regards to any openning that may develop. However once again I must point out that your best bet is to join along with a brunette that has big tits.

Krzysiu · Mar 15, 2006

superheroes don't make out with people... they laugh haughtily and say "no foolish mortal woman! I wear tights, do the math!"

Superpowers: cheap and easy?

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