Suicide feelings

[KillaLadY]

So I have a question, because some of you may have dealt with this before...
If someone that you know and it's close to you tried to comit suicide, and they failed... what are your feelings about it?
Do you have the right to be angry at them, do you have the right to call them stupid and selfish?

How do you properly deal with that, I mean, they definitely need help, but... how do you show YOUR feelings towards their act?

 

[thom100]

Originally posted by KillaLadY
So I have a question, because some of you may have dealt with this before...
If someone that you know and it's close to you tried to comit suicide, and they failed... what are your feelings about it?
Do you have the right to be angry at them, do you have the right to call them stupid and selfish?

How do you properly deal with that, I mean, they definitely need help, but... how do you show YOUR feelings towards their act?

I dont know , I think you have the right to be angry, but it would be a time to bite your tongue. Staying positive and supportive would be key if you're a friend.

 

[Syntax Error]

the last thing someone needs is to be judged by those closest to them. be supportive for now and you can unleash the fucking fury on them at a better time.

 

[Boss Hog]

I went through this with a cousin of mine a few years back. During the death of my grandfather and the psychological breakdown of an uncle. yay.

Anyway, in my experience (and that's all I know here...) she needed attention. She needed company and for someone to hang out with her and listen to her, and not put any pressure or guilt on her as far as however she feels. Be optimistic. Take them to do things that will lighten them up. It's that time of winter, so the person might be just in a rut. I hope that's the case.

I'm no expert, I'm just saying what worked in my situation. Just a lot of focus time and discussion. My cousin is still whacked, but at least she's not suicidal.

 

[janiecakes]

Anger and frustration are definitely feelings you have when someone close to you is suicidal or has already attempted it, but my advice would be to deal with those feelings outside of your relationship with that person. They're not equipped to deal with your anger, they're too messed up. Because they're in such a dark place right now the decision they made to attempt suicide made sense to them. The last thing they need is to be called stupid or selfish. They need your presence, and your help and support.

If someone close to you attempted suicide, then you need support yourself as well, and you need an outlet for the feelings you have about the situation. So make sure to take care of yourself (harder than it sounds), and make sure you have some people around who you can talk to.

 

[janiecakes]

Originally posted by Boss Hog
It's that time of winter, so the person might be just in a rut. I hope that's the case.

I think if it got to the point where someone attempted suicide, it's not just a rut or the winter blues and it probably should be taken more seriously than that.

 

[EBiRT]

I think everyone should have the right to off themsleves if they so choose. Hey, we didn't have a choice in coming here...
All I know is if I failed at an attempt to end my life, I would feel like a big enough ass, without any of the looks and comments from the peanut gallery. By all means say what you feel, cause what you feel may be exactly what that person needs to hear.

 

[Ditto Much]

Originally posted by KillaLadY
So I have a question, because some of you may have dealt with this before...
If someone that you know and it's close to you tried to comit suicide, and they failed... what are your feelings about it?
Do you have the right to be angry at them, do you have the right to call them stupid and selfish?

How do you properly deal with that, I mean, they definitely need help, but... how do you show YOUR feelings towards their act?

I've never been in the situation (or known that I was in the situation) so I have to answer this hypothetically. I think when somebody else has an overload of emotion in this nature (I believe suicide is an expression of an emotional breakdown) its best to avoid throwing more emotion at them.

I think I would probably take a much more cold and sterile approach. I would more than likely repress my emotions and judgments as much as possible. Try to listen rather than express my own thoughts. I think we underestimate the value that our listening can have.

In this case I think I would try to let the person take the lead but I would try to offer them as many openings as possible.

 

[Boss Hog]

Originally posted by janiecakes
I think if it got to the point where someone attempted suicide, it's not just a rut or the winter blues and it probably should be taken more seriously than that.

Depends entirely on the individual. Of which I personally know nothing about.

 

[rejenerate]

I don't think it's about what you have a "right" to feel...because you're going to feel that way. It's just about how you deal with it, and how you express yourself towards that person...and I'm sure you know that when they're going through this, they need support, not anger aimed at them and the added stress it will cause.

There is no way of facing things like this "properly"...go with your gut and imagine yourself in their shoes.

~jen

 

[KillaLadY]

Seems to me that this year is meant for me and Jay to take on as much shit as we can handle.
My mom's illness and her bankrupcy and everything else didn't seem enough for us. Jay's mother and her bf had a business for 15 years and this year they had to go bankrupt. That's not a big deal, I mean sure, you lose everything, but there are tons of people out there that start from zero.

Well, his mother apparently was diagnosed with some form of depression and lately she's been talking about death and killing herself. At first, we kind of ignored it, but then we all became a little iffy, because she keeps mentioning it.
Yesterday, Jay's brother found her in the garage, with the garage door closed, in the car, which is running and she was passed out from the fumes. When Jay's brother woke her up, she was really upset at him that he didn't let her die. Anyhow, she is at the hospital and we all know now she needs help.

It's just, Jay and I both have no idea how to deal with this. He got so angry last night, he almost drove to the hospital to yell at her, but I stopped him, I didn't think that would be a good idea for him to do that.

So I am just asking, because I read in the past some of you dealt with this and went through it properly.

 

[Hawk Eye]

oh wow
that's awful
I'm sorry you guys have to deal with something like that especially your boyfriends mother. THat must be so hard for him to hear.

 

[Boss Hog]

Tough spot. I think communication is the only thing that's going to help, trying as it may be.

<-- by no means qualified to give advice.

 

[KillaLadY]

You know, girls talk about it, cry... I really want to know how different it is for guys to show their emotions.
I have never seen Jay cry until last night - what tears!

 

[Ditto Much]

Originally posted by KillaLadY
Seems to me that this year is meant for me and Jay to take on as much shit as we can handle.
My mom's illness and her bankrupcy and everything else didn't seem enough for us. Jay's mother and her bf had a business for 15 years and this year they had to go bankrupt. That's not a big deal, I mean sure, you lose everything, but there are tons of people out there that start from zero.

Well, his mother apparently was diagnosed with some form of depression and lately she's been talking about death and killing herself. At first, we kind of ignored it, but then we all became a little iffy, because she keeps mentioning it.
Yesterday, Jay's brother found her in the garage, with the garage door closed, in the car, which is running and she was passed out from the fumes. When Jay's brother woke her up, she was really upset at him that he didn't let her die. Anyhow, she is at the hospital and we all know now she needs help.

It's just, Jay and I both have no idea how to deal with this. He got so angry last night, he almost drove to the hospital to yell at her, but I stopped him, I didn't think that would be a good idea for him to do that.

So I am just asking, because I read in the past some of you dealt with this and went through it properly.

For year my father spoke about his desire to die. He had been suffering from alcholism for the better part of three decades and was no longer able to see beauty in the world. He had forgotten why he wanted to live and didn't see the value that he provided anymore. Part of it was brain damage part of it was self medication and another part of it was the medication he was on (he had cancer).

When I left for university I gave him a hug (only one I ever remember we never had a comfortable relationship in that way) part of me believed that it was a final memory. I don't know if something changed or if something developed in him but 4 months latter a darkness that had held over him for years seemed to be flowing away. He sold the farm and he started to putter around in a more relaxed way, he would play with the grand kids, he would read his papper, he would head down to the pub. But when he came home and passed out on the coach he wouldn't talk about his desire for death in his sleep.

I don't have anything to say of any practical nature, except that everyday that she is still with you is another day. Each and every day that she is with you is another reason for her to be with you. Sometimes our lives change not becuase of our own choices but because of the choices of the ones we love.



My thoughts are with you and Jay.



Jeff

 

[Boss Hog]

Originally posted by KillaLadY
You know, girls talk about it, cry... I really want to know how different it is for guys to show their emotions.
I have never seen Jay cry until last night - what tears!

we just bash walls and shit.

(or write books)

 

[KillaLadY]

Originally posted by Boss Hog
we just bash walls and shit.

(or write books)

Yeah, there is a nice big hole in the bedroom wall right now.

 

[KillaLadY]

Thank you, Jeff... sharing your story means a lot to me and hopefully she will wake up from that dark place she is in right now and see that there is so much more than money.
Family and friends, grandkids coming...

 

[Ditto Much]

Originally posted by KillaLadY
Yeah, there is a nice big hole in the bedroom wall right now.

over the years I've gotten really good at fixing those.

 

[Skipper]

Jo...I don't know what to say. My only contribution to this thread is that my thoughts are with you through all of this.

 

[Silvershadow]

Perhaps you should get in touch with a suicide help line/organization and ask them... seeing as they deal with stuff like that every day, they probably would be a lot more qualified to tell you how to handle it than Tribe...

Also, I'm fairly certain the hospital would've had a shrink see her... perhaps you can contact that person, and while you wouldn't be able to get personal stuff she told the shrink (evidently), he/she might still be able to give you tips on how to react.

 

[Littlest Hobo]

I'm sorry to hear about this.

 

[KillaLadY]

I was thinking last night... about this whole thing... what makes people get so close to this stage? Is that called courage... because I would never have the "courage" to do anything like that.

 

[janiecakes]

Originally posted by Boss Hog
Depends entirely on the individual. Of which I personally know nothing about.

i disagree. when anyone gets to the point where they actually make an attempt to kill themselves, it's not a 'rut' and it's not the winter blues, it's likely a major depressive episode and should be taken very seriously.

killalady - i've had some experience over the last year and a half with people close to me being hospitalized for depression and suicidal feelings. my little brother was one of them and it was the hardest thing i've ever gone through in my entire life. but we all got through it and he's himself again.

my advice would be for jay and his brother (and you) to do a lot of talking to people who have had similar experiences, either informally or in a support group. counselling couldn't hurt either. the hospital social worker can probably refer you guys to programs in your area.

 

[janiecakes]

there's a book i read while the shit was going down with my little brother called 'the noonday demon: an atlas of depression' by andrew solomon, that i found really helpful in giving me some insight into what the hell was going on with him.

http://www.noondaydemon.com/