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So, what are you gonna do?

SellyCat

TRIBE Member
A few months ago, someone started a thread whose exact subject now escapes me, but the discussion evolved into one about the state of peoples' lives once they've finally "made it" by finishing school and/or finding a job. People were being very honest about their insecurities, concerns and disappointments.

A friend of a friend recently brought up this very same subject. She talked about being in the throws of a "quarter-life crisis." She has a degree in biology from the University of Toronto, but can barely make ends meet, because it's so hard to find work. She resents that when she can find work, her employers make unreasonable demands that compromise her sense of personal integrity. She can't seem to find a healthy compromise between happiness and survival--and it's driving her crazy.

As I talk to more and more people, I realize that this sentiment permeates the thoughts and feelings of so many people. They seem surprised that they're not the only ones who feel that way--as if they've brushed it off by convincing themselves that they're just being unreasonable or picky.

When I was in high school, "they" promised us that if we "worked hard," went to university, and earned a degree, we would get a "good job" working in the feilds that interested us. They promised us that if we did all that, we would have the opportunity to fuse our passion into a profession that would secure our futures and promote a sense of personal satisfaction. Instead, so many of the people I know find themselves lost. (get it?)

They finished university and discovered that their degree has gained them almost zero advantage, because so many people have one. Some, feeling the lack of demand for their skills and passions, decide the only thing to do is continue going to school. They give their money to a graduate school in the hopes that the extra qualification would open more doors. When they get close to finishing, they discover that they are staring down the very same barrel as before: no opportunities for meaningful and rewarding work. So they accept "internships" and allow themselves to be over-worked and exploited for virtually no compensation--again in the hope that yet another sacrifice will bring them closer to an existence in which they can find some validation.

I'm about to finish a degree in International Relations at UofT--it's supposed to very prestigious and whatever--and I have no clue what on earth to do. The obvious suggestions are very unpalatable: work for the government. (They suck you into this huge bureaucracy that does sees you as a unit of human-resource. The diplomatic corps, for example, does not consider what part of the world you have specialized in: you get sent wherever they need someone, regardless of your expertise, and to avoid getting too "attached", they move you ever few years.) The other options--like journalism, social work, therapy, intelligence analysis, etc--require a level graduate certification for positions that offer career mobility.

Deafplayer summed it up really well once, "Can we do some good work, please?" While I do not suffer from any doubt about my intellectual capacity, I feel a tiny bit humiliated to bei n this position. I feel that way because it seems like I've been wasting my time--and my family's money--by enthusiastically pursuing a subject that really motivates me. At least it's not a degree in history, eh? ;)

Many of you are older and already have jobs, but you're not satisfied with them. You thought you would be, but find yourselves recognizing that either the compensation is inadequate, or the demands are too high. Many of you have the visceral--even if fleeting--knowledge that "making it" has come at an unacceptable cost in terms basic human social needs. Many people admit to feeling isolated and adrift—not knowing what to do with themselves--despite having found a career. Unfortunately, I also notice people running away from that uncomfortable dissonance and succumbing to patterns of functional addiction: I remember someone remarking that they drink more now than when they were students.

So what are we gonna do? Have you older types come up with anything interesting?
 
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Boss Hog

TRIBE Member
From friends I've spoken to, and a little bit from personal experience, what you're talking about seems pretty wide spread. You're about to make a fundamental shift from a lifetime of being a student to a lifetime of work, so naturally it can cause you to step back and second guess everything you've worked toward.

Some people can slog away at a job they don't really like for years. I did it once. At the time I was the most miserable I've ever been, and although that misery helped inspire some creative projects, I'm glad I finally made the effort to move on from that job.

I'm sure there's a percentage of people who are going to hate me saying this, but if you don't like what you're doing, don't do it. The last time I brought up life being a sum of the choices you make, a lot of people took it personally. But the bottom line is why would you keep yourself in a situation where you're unhappy? The stress and lack of quality living will have an effect on your life overall, and imo it's just not worth it.

If you don't like what you do, it's worth the effort to make a change no matter how drastic it is. Anyone who argues differently is either lazy or too scared to take the chance. And if you're second guessing everything you've worked toward, give yourself a bit more time and experience before you make such a critical decision.

For me, I've found the most satisfying work I've done isn't the best paying, but the most rewarding. I guess that's a bit of a no-brainer. But making less money, knowing that my work is benefiting people on a personal level rather than my work benefiting some asshole stockholder who wants to make a quick buck definitely improves the quality of your work, as well as leaving you with a certain satisfaction at the end of the day. Money has begun to matter a lot less than quality of living has, and it took a few years of working a shitty job to figure it out.

If you love what to you do, that's awesome, but if you don't, don't ever put yourself into the trap of thinking that's it, you're in it for the rest of your life. I don't know what the exact numbers are, but the average person changes careers something like an average of 6 times in their life. Don't be afraid of the transition stages in between.

p.s. what does this have to do with politics?

edit: nm, post relocated. I think that was a first!
 
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lucky1

TRIBE Member
working for the government is not as horrible as you make it out to be. I've worked for the OPS for 6 years and have been able "to work my way up" and still am.. when i finish my degree I plan on moving up still to a proffessional level position. I already have a college diploma so going back to school for me I choose an area to study that has many jobs and opportunities for advancement. Maybe thats the difference when going "back to school" 2nd time around you look at things from a more practicle angel and choose accordingly. I don't look at My HBA that it will be just another person with a university education. I really see it will open doors
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
I have to ask. Why the emphasis on 'making it'?

I think too many people go into University expecting to come out with a an automatic 'You pass Go' card.. I always advise people to do what they love, and it doesn't necessarily have to come with a University degree.

But if you do choose a high end career, then expect that it will be difficult. It's very competitive and the monetarial benefits may not be as satisfying as one might think....

My 2 cents..:p

Edit: And just what is wrong with a History degree.. hmm?
 

xopus

TRIBE Member
i think that too many people are concerned with getting to a point in their life that they set many many many years ago. an excellent example is my sister. As a kid, she loved to write, and very early on had decided that that is what she wanted to do in school (high school and then university). Since she decided on that, it seems like she has lost the passion that caused that choice in the first point. I recently asked her how much she writes outside of school related stuff (she is about to enter her final year at dal) and she said that she doesnt anymore. But at the same time, she is still set on doing this for the rest of her life. why? i think its because of the childhood notion that that is what makes her happy, and therefore will always make her happy. Life doesnt seem to work this way. It amazes me the number of people who make the statement about hating their jobs, but yet stay there untill their soul has been beaten out of them.

In these times, i think that doing what you enjoy will give you the most success, both personally and finacially. And if you're using the excuse of 'well...i spent $30 000+ on learning to do this properly' to justify staying in a field that you dont enjoy, remember the fact that school teaches you many things, including what you dont want to do. Who cares if you decide to do something unrelated to your education, at least you found out the right way that you didnt want to do it, as opposed to never persuing it in the first place.

personally, i love what i do. Will i enjoy it 10 years from now? Not a clue. does it matter? i dont think so. If i decide 10 years from now, that i dont enjoy it anymore, then it'll be time to persue something else. Of course, for this to realistically happen, people need to not limit themselves to one specific area. Your job is nothing more then that. it is a means to make money, sure at some times it encompasses your entire life, but i think when we lose site of the other things that make us happy, and forget that we can do (and be succesful) in different fields, it becomes harder to change your path in the future.

if you truly love your job, you will never work a day in your life.
 
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SellyCat

TRIBE Member
Well see, that's the thing. "Making it" isn't all it's cracked up to be at all. I followed my heart in university and studied exactly what I loved, except the feild is very competitive with few opportunities to shine. That's the problem with the "follow your heart" approach to future-building. What can a history major do other than teach history or work for someone who teaches history? There are far more history graduates than history jobs; so most people end up with menial desk-jobs they can't stand. Degrees in business or marketing seem to be good, but how many people really want to work in that sector? I would guess far more people have to than really want to. The result is having to spend the bulk of your waking hours working a job that has nothing to do with what you're passionate about. It's unfair to promote the idea that pursuing your passions in university will result in a career along the same lines.

I really, really WANT to work in the area that's been my hobby both in and out of school for so long. I really want to apply myself, but the opportunities just aren't there. For me, I'm motivated much more by satisfaction than by money. I'd like to do a job that somebody actually cares about; ideally, somthing that will benefit humanity. I want to leave this place in a better state than when I found it.

This relates to having studied what someone loves, but there is also something to be said for having a job that isn't too taxing, pays the bills and lets you have some free time to pursue your own interests. The problem is that very few jobs meet this criteria--especially in today's economic climate AND in this particular country--and besides, I think most people would get depressed when they spend most of their time not engaged in an activity that both stimulates and validates them--i.e. using their talents.

I agree with Boss_Hog, that people have to be very mindful of getting trapped, stuck, stagnant and so on. People--myself included--also ought to mindful of getting over discouraged and hopeless.

I'm the kind of problem-solver that wants to hit a situation from an unexpected angle; to go over its head. I'm sure I'll end up peicing together some innovative strategy that'll allow me to do something interesting. I just gotta figure that out; I owe it to myself not to get trapped in a cyclical, unsatisfying future. (I also have to worry about taking care of my autistic younger brother--21--when my parents are no longer able to)
 

SellyCat

TRIBE Member
xopus said:
And if you're using the excuse of 'well...i spent $30 000+ on learning to do this properly' to justify staying in a field that you dont enjoy, remember the fact that school teaches you many things, including what you dont want to do.

Besides, the money is already spent! It's gone anyway. So to stay somewhere you don't like, just because you paid for the qualifications, would only add insult to injury!

You can't put a price tag on satisfaction and happiness. I'd rather forget the $30,000+ to shift into a happier career, than stay in a lousy one just cuz I paid tuition.
 

AgentSanchez

TRIBE Promoter
The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
SellyCat said:
That's the problem with the "follow your heart" approach to future-building. What can a history major do other than teach history

:rolleyes: Guess I shouldn't have followed my heart then..
Boo for me..:rolleyes:

LOL.. Would you like some help taking that large foot out Selly? :p

A side note, what you may not find attractive as a career choice, may be ideal for someone else.. And maybe you could try looking in different avenues? Some you might not have considered before?

Originally I believed I would always follow in the long family tradition of medicine. I was certain I would be a doctor, like my father, grandfather and great-grandfather (I wanted to be a pediatrician..:p Not surprising), but I couldn't stand the sight of blood.... My father took me aside and advised me to do what I loved.. I found out later that he gave up a promising acting career (He even played at Stratford), to become a doctor..because it was expected. He always regretted that.

I went into catering because initially I loved it (Organizing parties!!).. But soon I became tired of the rich, snobbish society that so depended on these events to impress their friends..

Finally, I had to re-examine what I wanted out of life. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to effect change. No matter how small. And I thought about who inspired me the most as a child. What did I love to do the most? So? I applied to University, spent my own money (not my parents) to get a degree..

Change brings risk..and yes, it's scary.. But, it's better than the alternative..

Long winded I know..
And Selly, really sorry about your brother. But I'm sure you mean the world to him, even if he can't express it.. :)
 

AgentSanchez

TRIBE Promoter
SellyCat said:
I'm about to finish a degree in International Relations at UofT--it's supposed to very prestigious and whatever--and I have no clue what on earth to do. The obvious suggestions are very unpalatable: work for the government. (They suck you into this huge bureaucracy that does sees you as a unit of human-resource. The diplomatic corps, for example, does not consider what part of the world you have specialized in: you get sent wherever they need someone, regardless of your expertise, and to avoid getting too "attached", they move you ever few years.) The other options--like journalism, social work, therapy, intelligence analysis, etc--require a level graduate certification for positions that offer career mobility.

Two thoughts strike me.... First, you're a damn eloquent writer. Second, you think and worry too much. I have been guilty of the same problem. Finding and honing a career is kind of like trial and error - you try something. Inevitably you get bored or laid off, and try something different. Rinse, lather, repeat. Sooner or later, you start noticing patterns. What aspects of your career motivate you and give you enjoyment? What do you hate? This self realization, in turn, leads to the knowledge and experience required to choose and land a position that is better FOR YOU.

As for the degree that you have... I wouldn't sweat it too much. I, for instance, have a degree in computer science and yet I have not written a line of code in over 3 years. I don't know you well enough to offer specific suggestions, but I would suggest that some of the fundamental skills in international relations are applicable to ALOT more than government jobs. I.E. Every multinational corporation in the world can benefit from International relations expertise.
 
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SellyCat

TRIBE Member
First of all, AgentSanchez, that article was *totally on point*. That's exactly how I've been feeling--and many others too.

NemIsis said:
:rolleyes: Guess I shouldn't have followed my heart then..
Boo for me..:rolleyes:

LOL.. Would you like some help taking that large foot out Selly? :p

There are no feet in my mouth! I meant that WRT "following your heart" in university. The history sotudent example is a good one, because most history students don't become historians! They end up doing something other than what they CHOSE to study.

More generally speaking, of course it's good to follow your heart in order to find what makes you happy in life. What do you do now, after leaving the catering world?

As for pigeon-holing oneself into a particular job, that is definitely a bad idea. There are many different things that I would enjoy doing; I was never counting on a particular activity. That might have something to do with it, actually. I'm not 100% sure what's even out there, but the people I went to school with are having a hard time finding work in areas that relate to their studies.

Other work I would just love to do:
Therapy or Counselling; party promotion; maybe teaching (a career that is rapidly becoming saturated by people who don't know what else to do); criminal investigation/counter-terrorism; copy editing; column writing...etc.
 

SellyCat

TRIBE Member
AgentSanchez said:
Two thoughts strike me.... First, you're a damn eloquent writer.

Thank you very much!


AgentSanchez said:
Second, you think and worry too much.

This is generally true, yes. At the moment though, I'm trying to engage this transition and not run away from it. I might be engaging too much; there's a lot to be said for crossing a bridge when you get there. I'm just tryin' to keep it real and shit.
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
SellyCat said:
First of all, AgentSanchez, that article was *totally on point*. That's exactly how I've been feeling--and many others too.



There are no feet in my mouth! I meant that WRT "following your heart" in university. The history sotudent example is a good one, because most history students don't become historians! They end up doing something other than what they CHOSE to study.

More generally speaking, of course it's good to follow your heart in order to find what makes you happy in life. What do you do now, after leaving the catering world?

As for pigeon-holing oneself into a particular job, that is definitely a bad idea. There are many different things that I would enjoy doing; I was never counting on a particular activity. That might have something to do with it, actually. I'm not 100% sure what's even out there, but the people I went to school with are having a hard time finding work in areas that relate to their studies.

Other work I would just love to do:
Therapy or Counselling; party promotion; maybe teaching (a career that is rapidly becoming saturated by people who don't know what else to do); criminal investigation/counter-terrorism; copy editing; column writing...etc.

I'm a history teacher Selly.. :p (True..)

And my comment was a joke. I meant no offense :) I thought most knew..
 

rubytuesday

TRIBE Member
I don't think I was ever told that pursuing my passions would somehow pay off later on. I didn't consider what I wanted to do while I was in high school but I worked hard for my OAC's, got scholarships and got accepted into a program that had more security than most. I was pretty sure I was going to end up teaching and while I wasn't crazy about it (after three years of practice teaching) I felt lucky to have that option. I got into grad school and decided to pursue that as it's well funded and something I am genuinely interested in and passionate about. I wouldn't even have gone to university if I hadn't a) received scholarships and b) been accepted to teacher's college out of high school. I needed to know that I had a solid plan after graduation so that any debt incurred would be manageable. I feel very lucky at this point although I know it's largely been my own hard work that's led me where I am.
This summer I'm working with refugees. These are people who have left everything behind in the hopes of making a better life for themselves. Some of them are well educated yet they don't have an attitude of entitlement, they don't expect things to be handed to them and they aren't above taking on what many graduates here would consider to be menial, soul-sucking type jobs if need be. They have really reinforced my own beliefs on what "happiness" is. I think in our society we have this idea that we should be able to have a car, house, fulfilling AND well paying job, two kids, vacations etc etc. I don't think attaining these things guarantees us happiness at all and I think our perspective of what we are entitled to is really skewed. At work I ask people why they came to Canada and generally they value our democratic government, high quality of life (being on welfare here is often better than their former situations), clean air and water, public education for their children and a chance at higher education, freedom from persecution and racism....(I could go on and on but hopefully I've made my point). These people are truly grateful to be here and I think it's that feeling of gratitude that gives them fulfillment. Another important point that's been reinforced to me by interacting with them is that they are extremely flexible. I don't think they knew they were going to end up where they have but they just keep adapting to their situation (making lemonade I suppose).
So what am I going to do? I'm going to remain grateful for everything that I could so easily take for granted and stay flexible. I'm not going to expect life to give me what I (think I) want. There are opportunities for meaningful work in many areas and to get stuck on one isn't a good strategy and it's a pretty good way to ensure disappointment. Life doesn't owe anyone anything and the sooner that sinks in the sooner one can get on with it.
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
Well said Ruby..

I agree. I feel happy every day I go into work and I'm so thankful for what I have, not what I don't. Maybe that's the key?? Also, volunteering is awesome! It can help one discover other paths and strengths..

Apart from that, I have to say, what you are doing is incredible. Kudos :D
 
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AgentSanchez

TRIBE Promoter
SellyCat said:
Many of you are older and already have jobs, but you're not satisfied with them. You thought you would be, but find yourselves recognizing that either the compensation is inadequate, or the demands are too high. Many of you have the visceral--even if fleeting--knowledge that "making it" has come at an unacceptable cost in terms basic human social needs. Many people admit to feeling isolated and adrift—not knowing what to do with themselves--despite having found a career. Unfortunately, I also notice people running away from that uncomfortable dissonance and succumbing to patterns of functional addiction: I remember someone remarking that they drink more now than when they were students.


Much of corporate Toronto, by and large, has forgotten that the idea of a job is so you can WORK TO LIVE. It's like people see others putting in long hours and pointless work, lacking either the assertiveness or sense of self worth to say 'fuck that noise'. So they tag along and become part of the 'live to work' camp. Pretty soon, entire corporations are like that.
 

AgentSanchez

TRIBE Promoter
SellyCat said:
At the moment though, I'm trying to engage this transition and not run away from it. I might be engaging too much; there's a lot to be said for crossing a bridge when you get there. I'm just tryin' to keep it real and shit.

I hear ya.. only reason I said that is that I used to have a HUGE problem with overanalyzing. Now it's just a manageable predisposition. I've learned that enjoying where you are at NOW is far more important than figuring out how you are going to point B, or even figuring out where point B IS.

EDIT: There's actually a term for it I've heard tossed around - Analysis Paralysis.
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
SellyCat said:
maybe teaching (a career that is rapidly becoming saturated by people who don't know what else to do.

Just saw this.. You did not just say that?

OK, I agree. There are way too many people who choose this career because they get the almighty 2 months off in the summer. What they figure out in the first two years is that your life must be your kids from September - June. And the paperwork is hell. Forget partying all weekend and trying to hide behind a computer on Monday because you have the worst hangover.. You go in hung over and you will be eaten alive.. They also can't take the attitude. "But? I'm their teacher? Why don't they respect me?" They don't get that in today's world, you have to earn it.. And screaming at them does nothing.. Usually these people drop out quickly. But if you love it? It's the best job in the world! IMO :p
 
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NemIsis

TRIBE Member
AgentSanchez said:
Much of corporate Toronto, by and large, has forgotten that the idea of a job is so you can WORK TO LIVE. It's like people see others putting in long hours and pointless work, lacking either the assertiveness or sense of self worth to say 'fuck that noise'. So they tag along and become part of the 'live to work' camp. Pretty soon, entire corporations are like that.


And why is that? Haven't numerous studies shown that employee satisfaction leads to higher production? and less sick days??

I don't get the motivation. From what I've heard, Europe is a much better place to work..(at least fro m a business perspective)
 

AgentSanchez

TRIBE Promoter
My first boss and mentor summed it up perfectly.
'Work smarter not harder'.

Fortunately, there is still room for that kind of atitude. The only caveat is you have to be good at what you do, otherwise people think you're just lazy.
 
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Hamza

TRIBE Member
I love where I work, it is in my area of studies. The people I work with are great, and the mandate is worthwhile and exciting.


Am I making a shit load of money? No, I could make a lot more in the private sector, but fuk that.

Am I using my full potential? No, not yet - its entry level and I'm proving myself.

Do I see myself moving up and kicking ass in 2-4 years time? Yes.


Where you get your degree from and what you studied becomes less important once you enter the work force, you still have to prove yourself. I know people who went to good schools (UofT, McGill) who have shit jobs and are not good workers, similarly, I know people who went to the 2nd and 3rd teir universities and they are highly competent and good at what they do.

Let's face it, it is not that hard to get a university degree, or even a graduate degree. You still have to prove yourself at work, and unless you have sweet connections, or can shake your tits/ass to a good job in an interview, you will start out at a low level.

Deal with it and work hard.
 

SellyCat

TRIBE Member
rubytuesday said:
This summer I'm working with refugees. These are people who have left everything behind in the hopes of making a better life for themselves. Some of them are well educated yet they don't have an attitude of entitlement, they don't expect things to be handed to them and they aren't above taking on what many graduates here would consider to be menial, soul-sucking type jobs if need be.

I make a habit of having real conversations with every cab driver I meet. There is one, absolutely predominant complaint that they all have: Why did the Canadian Government so strenuously demand that they have professional qualifications, without informing that these qualifications would be *worthless* in Canada. They did not expect to be cab drivers; they expected to be engineers and doctors, but only once it was too late did they learn that they must be recertified. I have asked well over a dozen immigrant cabbies about this and they just LIGHT UP: "Oh you know about this!? YES! This is what happened to me too!"


rubytuesday said:
I think in our society we have this idea that we should be able to have a car, house, fulfilling AND well paying job, two kids, vacations etc etc. I don't think attaining these things guarantees us happiness at all

That combination is almost certain to make people UNhappy! That's nowhere near how I would define happiness for myself.


rubytuesday said:
Life doesn't owe anyone anything and the sooner that sinks in the sooner one can get on with it.

That's dogma. Nobody is talking about entitlement. I'm talking about having been conditioned, in high school, to beleive that if we studied what we liked, we could have a career in that area as well. This was the specific message deliberately forwarded by propaganda from universities and the high school itself. (Public)

While having nothing to do with free entitlements to things that one didn't earn, I'm talking about opportunities relative to the expectations engineered by various agents of "guidance". Dissapointment is a function of expectations--if I have one complaint, that's what it is: that various elements exerted great energy to make us beleive this thing about pursuing our interests.

I'm very obviously not complaining about having to earn things. In fact that's EXACTLY what I want the chance to do.

Edit: I'm posting on a Sat. night, because I've decided to stay in an catch up on school! Ironic? Not really, no.
 
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Joe Seven

TRIBE Member
This thread is full of verbose posts - not too many one-liners! I guess people have lots to say on the subject. Not me.
Just do what cha like, don't compare yourself to others, and try to be happy on your own terms.
 
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