So another good friend of mine took his life

[Jeffsus]

A typical weekend for me. Roommate got put into the drunk tank, guy I took home ran out naked and accused me of sexual assault -- didn't know that till the detectives showed up.

But today I was at my sisters place and I got a phone call from Japan. Japan doesn't usually phone on the weekend (though they do call in the middle of the night) and so I figured it was a friend, and it was, beautiful Shin-dog.

After some jovial banter he informed me that a common friend had committed suicide.

Many people on this board have met him, though they may not remember him specifically.

He was so beautiful, and so bright, and had the entire world ahead of him. He studied finance, with accolades.

His persona was gentle, and illuminating, and I do have to say I sort of crushed on him, though I recognized he was too young for me. He was open and out and seemed balanced.

My own problems aside, I guess I can't ever understand why someone, anyone, would choose to solve a problem in this way.

I know a lot of people, perhaps including myself, who are struggling in life in many magnitudes of order more difficultly, yet they persist, and do not choose such an end. Well clearly I just don't understand the grief they feel.

He was such a kind and gentle man. I don't even want to start thinking what his parents are going through.

Jeff

PS: I'd just like to add, if anyone is reading this and feeling like they need to end their life, there are lots of options available and please get help.

 

[videotronic]

Feel for you man. pour one out.

 

[JamesM]

brother I can relate to this.. as I've had to save someone in the past off a balcony. and lost an aunt. chin up and move on.

all the best.

 

[Booty Bits]

very sorry to hear this Jeffsus. it is very sad that he felt that this was his only option.

 

[JamesM]

brother I can relate to this.. as I've had to save someone in the past off a balcony. and lost an aunt. chin up and move on.

all the best.

the aunt was when I was a kid.. the other one was within the last few years..fucking totally sucks. they're ok. it doesn't ever leave you.. thinking if something went wrong, they'd be gone rite?

shit man.

 

[lucky1]

sorry to read this.. I can only imagine how hard it is dealing with a loss like this. I have never experienced anything like it. Hugs.

I do know that some people are just survivors and able to push through life's problems, where as others can't seem to see the other side, that things can change for them for the better if they can only tough it out a bit longer/ or find help. Help is out there if people need it, just need to ask..

 

[Agent Smith]

My sister took her own life in December. There were four children in our family, and we were the closest (certainly age proximity had something to do with it). I feel a lot a lot of guilt over what I didn't do while she was alive, but the pain of losing a child to tragic circumstances clearly dwarfs any feelings I've experienced. I'm heartbroken, but my parents are two of the most stoic people I've ever met, and their hearts are slaughtered.

 

[mariazmess]

I guess I can't ever understand why someone, anyone, would choose to solve a problem in this way.

I can. The day-to-day can get so exhausting to the point where you just can't keep going anymore. You struggle just to get through and when night finally comes you lay there and can't sleep, only to wish that day will never come. When it finally does, the mundane reason you have to get up and out of bed only compounds the feelings of shit. The fog that clouds your mind stops any light from coming through and bringing "hope". You don't want "help" you just want it to be over because you see life as this endless cycle of momentary happiness followed by long and arduous periods of endless struggle, sadness, triviality, superficiality, and uselessness.

The brain is a mysterious fucktard.
It's best not to try to rationalize suicide.
Your brain when you're in that space and your brain when you're not is two completely different worlds.

 

[Jeffsus]

I can. The day-to-day can get so exhausting to the point where you just can't keep going anymore. You struggle just to get through and when night finally comes you lay there and can't sleep, only to wish that day will never come. When it finally does, the mundane reason you have to get up and out of bed only compounds the feelings of shit. The fog that clouds your mind stops any light from coming through and bringing "hope". You don't want "help" you just want it to be over because you see life as this endless cycle of momentary happiness followed by long and arduous periods of endless struggle, sadness, triviality, superficiality, and uselessness.

The brain is a mysterious fucktard.
It's best not to try to rationalize suicide.
Your brain when you're in that space and your brain when you're not is two completely different worlds.

As an atheist, and an existentialist, I understand and do feel the absurdity, shall we say, "pointlessness" of it all. I do wake up many times and think "oh, not again.."

But I do wake up and force myself through the hard parts and pretty much every day there is something that makes me, and others around me, smile.

I firmly believe in the absurdity of existence, and this really doesn't help me professionally. Perhaps I should have been a comedian. Nonetheless, I spend nearly every moment appreciating the unlikelihood that I am here at all. I spend many moments trying to push the limits of what I've done before; this gets me into trouble, already I'm out of touch with most people.

There are now two close people I know who have taken their own life. In both cases they were successful in their social circles, excelled even, quite popular, beautiful both physically and in character... Youthful, all the world ahead of them really...

It's quite a contrast to the stereotype of the suicidal person. I guess, you know, dark, moody, introverted, whatever. I've known a lot of people that fit that description yet they are still around to have a beer and bitch with me.

So, what are the signs? Is it possible to see the signs? A smile, a word, a passing gesture...

I don't know, I have so much more to say, but, I guess this isn't really the right place to do it. Take care of yourself, have a sense of humour, and remember, somewhere someone always likes you.

Jeff

 

[Beer babe]

I can. The day-to-day can get so exhausting to the point where you just can't keep going anymore. You struggle just to get through and when night finally comes you lay there and can't sleep, only to wish that day will never come. When it finally does, the mundane reason you have to get up and out of bed only compounds the feelings of shit. The fog that clouds your mind stops any light from coming through and bringing "hope". You don't want "help" you just want it to be over because you see life as this endless cycle of momentary happiness followed by long and arduous periods of endless struggle, sadness, triviality, superficiality, and uselessness.

The brain is a mysterious fucktard.
It's best not to try to rationalize suicide.
Your brain when you're in that space and your brain when you're not is two completely different worlds.

Wow, very well said, mariazmess

Very sorry for your loss, Jeffsus.

 

[mariazmess]

There are now two close people I know who have taken their own life. In both cases they were successful in their social circles, excelled even, quite popular, beautiful both physically and in character... Youthful, all the world ahead of them really...

It's quite a contrast to the stereotype of the suicidal person.
...
So, what are the signs? Is it possible to see the signs? A smile, a word, a passing gesture...

The problem is that these intelligent, capable, beautiful beings, they understand the absurdity and are so grateful for what they have, what they have achieved, and the fact that they were not born with nothing, or with war, or whatever (as the case may be). I think there's a sense of not deserving what they have (too easy), and a sense of not being allowed to "complain" about how they feel.

Not feeling like you can get up in the morning when you have a very decent (if not great) job - albeit by society's standards - doesn't make you feel as though you're allowed to talk about how you feel. Your life is seemingly perfect, your future is seemingly bright, therefore the notion that your brain goes to dark places and that you often feel that life is not worth living "doesn't make sense". Since it doesn't make sense, you wonder whether or not you should bring it up with anyone, whether or not they would understand, how they would react, how they would treat you, and what the point would be.

Are there signs? Very subtle signs. When someone who is normally quite chipper and happy suddenly complains that they are tired, or when you ask them how they are, they'll answer, "hanging in" or "not too bad". People often ask "how are you" automatically and don't listen to the answer. People who are in pain are waiting for an opportunity, for someone to reach out because they're so heavy with sadness that they feel stuck in the mud, waiting for someone to help dig them out. Except it's mental mud, so it's not as easy as yelling, "someone grab a shovel".

Again, the issue is that these people live in their brains and don't want to burden anyone. Because their "lives are great" and "everyone has troubles", they don't want to make themselves seem "more important than anyone else".

I guess using these types of situations as a way to speak to as many of your friends/family as possible about how this person's death made you feel, about how you want your friends to know that you are always available to help them, any place and any time... use this situation to ask friends about whether or not they've ever been depressed, and about how they're feeling now. Ask them what's different about them, how they act and what they say differently when they're feeling depressed.

The key, then, is to pay attention. Your friend may come to you 2 years down the road and uses these key phrases and act the way they told you they would and you may not remember or realize...

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