Slumlord Millionaires?

[Jeffsus]

I own property.

Sometime close to the end of the month, I start to get a strong anxiety. I take medication for this problem.

It's because I have to do the monthly chore of collecting the rent.

me> "Hey, yeah, it's the first, I know..."
me> "Yeah, it's me, no I didn't forget... yeah..."
me> "Yeah me too, tough times, yeah, but, you know, ..."

I work and pay taxes. Everyone of my tenants does not work. They are all on welfare, or OW, or disability, or whatever.

Getting them to pay me the rent is like pulling teeth.

them> "Oh I guess Jeff will just forget that it's time to pay the rent."
them> "Well I didn't go outside this month so I don't owe rent."
them> "He thinks I'm hot so I'll just play warcraft."

Well, so much for my generosity, once again I was seriously flicked to the tune of multiple thousands of dollars. I responded in kind, of course, with booze, boys, and drugs.

The first time it happened, a young lady, first time out of the nest, flushed her bloody (pun intended) tampons down the toilet. Also condoms.

The plumber took me aside, I had to take a day off work for this type of excavation,

plumber> "Hey, do you have a moment?"
me> "Does it look like I'm going anywhere?" (beer and pyjamas)
plumber> "Well, your blockage is because of condoms.

I took a look down into the hole where the boys were working. Murky water, dirt, gross shit floating around.

me> "Condoms?"
plumber> "Yeah you can't be flushing condoms, they're gonna get stuck on roots."

Here, he jumped into the hole and pulled up some roots.

plumber> "See? Condoms get stuck on this stuff."
me> "Great. Well, thanks. "
me> "I'm gonna get a drink, I'll be right back."

I had a bottle of CC, and called into work and said I wasn't gonna make it. Poured a glass full of CC, no ice, no Cola. Went back outside in the March snow:

me> "So... Who has to pay for this?"
plumber> blah blah blah
me> "Great. What about my Japanese maple?"
I could see they had dug up my Japanese maple and just tossed it.
plumbers> "Oh, we'll take care of that?" he said, from the hole.
me> "I got a gay Vietnamese boy who's gonna wake up in about an hour and wants, probably, to leave from the front door, what are you gonna do about him?"
plumbers> "What?"
me> "Vietnamese. Gay. about 100 pounds. No dirt."
Here the backhoe was engaged.
plumbers> "Yeah I'll take a double double."
me> "whatever."

-jM
A&D

 

[ndrwrld]

the thought of drinking a full glass of CC makes me want to gag.
your tenants suck.

 

[jmaggs]

agreed. Get better tenants.

If they are on OW or disability get them to have cheques mailed directly to you so you never have to see them. Confirm their situation with their caseworker before approving their application (just need the potential tenant to give approval) and include mailing the cheque to you directly part of the lease.

Get a good plumber/handyman/cleaner/painter so you never have to visit the property to get shit done, and just have them invoice you. Hell, even bigger companies like Rotorooter do this.

 

[MoFo]

I feel like most of the conversations are in your head.

 

[SneakyPete]

so you never have to see them.

I think he lives with them?

 

[agentRC4]

agreed. Get better tenants.

If they are on OW or disability get them to have cheques mailed directly to you so you never have to see them. Confirm their situation with their caseworker before approving their application (just need the potential tenant to give approval) and include mailing the cheque to you directly part of the lease.
.

You can't assign disability benefits.

 

[jmaggs]

You can't assign disability benefits.

I get cheques every month that prove your statement wrong...

You may be misunderstanding me. They don't assign me their benefits. Disability covers their rent (as well as other utilities), which they have requested be sent directly to me.

 

[Jeffsus]

Well MoFo, that was a real conversation.

ndrwrld, yes, my tenants did suck.

The latest tragedy flicked me over because he had nice hair and nice eyes.

Oh, but I stole him away from a previous landlord, and I distinctly asked him>

me> "You just left like that?"
shitbag> "What? No. He was a dick."

At that very moment I thought to myself, perhaps something from the "O" network or Dr. Phil, this guy is gonna screw me over the same way he just screwed over that landlord.

And, so it came to pass, that this kid/man got "fired" and strew me along and....

So here I sit in my slumlord millionaire suite. Same pattern as always.

I was particularly depressed on Friday and so I called my regular manager for entertainment. He knows what I want.

But this weekend it isn't going as well as usual. The boys are just sitting out there, outside my office, in their speedos and looking at their cheap lube. Haha they're not laughing so much this weekend. I think one of them is playing "borderlands" or whatever new game on a new TV.

Are they on edge? Is it me? Most of those guys are regulars, well, there's only 4 of them, but I think one guy is new. Frankly, no interest right now. Maybe it's the medication. Have to pay their dealer anyway... so... Maybe I'll just... ask them to do stuff, or grab me beers.

Treasure trails. Nice...

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

So a colleague broke up with his wife and asked to crash at my place here and there.

"Here and there" turned into a regular thing until he asked if he could move in. That was fine, great actually, cause he's a nice guy and given co-operation everything worked out fine.

But then, he started bringing his kids.

Ok, every other weekend is fine, though we never discussed this, prior to setting rent.

But now, kids are here 24/7 and I'm thinking it's time to revisit the cost of rent. Yet, I don't want to offend him -- as most fathers will agree, when you're approached with a question of "hey your kids cost me a lot of money", they (the father) tend to react.

Don't get me wrong, nice kids, like hanging out with them, but this place isn't exactly a kid friendly house and on top of that they're costing me real $$$ that was not negotiated. How do I broker this topic to a friend?

For example, friend tried to school me because I made out with a guy in front of his kids very late one Saturday night. My retort was:

"This is my house and I'll do damned well whatever I want."

He seemed to feel some kind of entitlement just because his kids were around at 2am watching me kiss a guy. I'll add that I agreed to offer him seriously reduced rent because he was a buddy and in a bind.

Don't want to kick him out, but his kids are eating my stuff, staying here 24/7, I'm not "allowed" to be gay, and his monthly rent is about what I earn in one day.

Should I just grow a pair and kick him out? Or is there some negotiation that should be done.

-jM
A&D

 

[Bernnie Federko]

Get a real tenant.

 

[Jeffsus]

Alright another chapter.

Yesterday there was a story in the paper about tenants on OW (read: welfare) and how landlords in the area are getting fed up with them.

They receive money specifically allocated for rent, but 100% of my experiences with them is that they overclaim what their rent is and pocket the difference. Additionally, because they buy electronic gizmos, drugs, alcohol, and "whatever", they end up not having enough to pay rent. I can't readily evict them just because they are late on rent. Additionally, OW is reluctant to have that money directly deposited to the landlord because they want to teach "money management skills" to the bum.

In the end they usually just disappear and steal shit along the way. Which has, once again, happened.

I'd like to provide affordable housing to at-risk individuals but the reality is becoming obviously clear that the majority of welfare recipients are plain, lazy leaches who have no intention of working and get by on the generosity from and scamming of others in society. I'm not sure if it's legal to say "OW need not apply" but it's probably obvious to any landlord on here (except me):

DO NOT RENT TO PEOPLE ON WELFARE.

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

Well,

The value of stolen goods was significant enough to phone the police. You know how I feel about that.

Cops's advice: (oh and he was sooo cute and tall, maybe 23 or 24 years old, mmm I could eat him up but anyway) he said:

cop: "It's unfortunate but the more I see of this, you have to be careful who your tenants are. People on welfare are generally a bad choice from what I've seen."

Case closed.

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

So this kind child-police person started to explain that>

boy-in-uniform> "Well, this isn't really..."

me> "Yeah I know, It's less than $10k,..."
him> ".. Yeah but I mean, ..."
me>"Are claims less than $5k not valuable to you?"
him> "Well, can I see your office?"

So let's talk about deeeep neural networks.

Deep learning - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I encourage all readers to party hard, and, and; this is important:

To party INDUSTRIALLY HARD

As a reader, I give you a very faint chance, that you cannot party as hard as I can, have did, and will.

GIVEN.


Please contact me on PM if you think otherwise.

-jM
A&D

 

[JamesM]

I'd love to see Jeffsus craigslist rental advertisement.

if you can't party INDUSTRIALLY HARD, gtfo. Then wonders why all this crap is happening.

For someone who's an engineering brainiac, you remind me of the freaking bathroom scene from Fear and Loathing.

I wouldn't last one day at your place if I was renting. But I'd stay for the politics, and philosophy.

 

[awwnaw]

Doesn't it make sense to ask for post dated cheques for the duration of the lease like every other landlord? Then you wouldn't have the anxiety every month.

 

[Polymorph]

my thoughts on this are very complex.
a) based on experience, a Lot of landlords here in Montreal, in key areas like the Plateau and Mile End, only want to rent to students. Oh, and they get them to sign (technically illegal, but whatever), rental forms, stipulating that, should their shit-retard delinquent student kids fail to pay, well, the Parents will cover it.

B) this only works if you're renting in a high-density urban environment in close proximity to a university.

C) It's actually an annoyance to a *young urban professional*, to be continually asked, cum September 1st, if you're a *student at McGill*.

D- but there are so many transitory student *immigrants* coming in, especially from Asian countries, that, well, landlords here in Mtl have keyed into the fact that they're a cash-cow industry. Oh, and, they are easily intimidated, unlike some locals like me whom have boned up on actual Rental Laws.

E) So, yeah, depending on Location. Location Location Location. Don't rent to welfare cases. Target students, and get their NY or Asian parents to sign legal forms.

F) Unless you support local artists, many of whom are on Welfare. But if you don't c'est la vie.

G) Why am I giving you financial advice? Aren't you supposed to be some rich fag or something?

 

[Jeffsus]

I'd love to see Jeffsus craigslist rental advertisement.

if you can't party INDUSTRIALLY HARD, gtfo. Then wonders why all this crap is happening.

For someone who's an engineering brainiac, you remind me of the freaking bathroom scene from Fear and Loathing.

I wouldn't last one day at your place if I was renting. But I'd stay for the politics, and philosophy.

I like that adverb, "industrially". It's actually quite descriptive.

http://youtu.be/yLoAdlBY0AU <-- there's where I made my fortune.

And technically, I am a scientist, not a lowly engineer. As for any scene from Fear and Loathing, you should see my avatar. I appreciate the compliment.

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

Doesn't it make sense to ask for post dated cheques for the duration of the lease like every other landlord? Then you wouldn't have the anxiety every month.

I can't speak for all people on welfare/OW, but in 100% of my experiences, they do not have chequing accounts. And seriously, ask yourself a question (as I've asked myself many times), what is the point of getting a cheque from a person on welfare? It's not worth the paper it's written on. They come and go as they please, leaving the rest of us to literally clean up their mess.

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

my thoughts on this are very complex.
G) Why am I giving you financial advice? Aren't you supposed to be some rich fag or something?

Hi Polymorph,

As part of my social duty I take homeless people off the street, negotiate with their social worker or arrange a social worker for them, and provide affordable housing. And yes, I am a rich fag, a scientist.

I live in downtown Kitchener. I frequently walk up and down King St. and recognize many of the faces there. What I am coming to realize is that homelessness is not so much a condition or state but rather a choice (albeit perhaps an unintended one -- does that make sense?)

My interactions with social workers and the law, in the attempts to provide affordable, comfortable, housing, has made me realize that in Canada, or Ontario at least, there is no excuse whatsoever for homelessness. The government can and does pay for every person to keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies. Any person you see on the street is either mentally ill, ill informed of the help that is available to them, or both.

And despite my bitching and complaining, just today I again brought another homeless person off the streets and into my home.

So merry fucking christmas.

Jeff

 

[Jeffsus]

But I'd stay for the politics, and philosophy.

Come on James, you'd stay for the bromance.

Jeff

 

[newstyle666]

I like that adverb, "industrially". It's actually quite descriptive.

http://youtu.be/yLoAdlBY0AU <-- there's where I made my fortune.

And technically, I am a scientist, not a lowly engineer. As for any scene from Fear and Loathing, you should see my avatar. I appreciate the compliment.

-jM
A&D

I know you are wrapped up living an Internet fantasy, but why not just be truthful with yourself. You will feel better about it in the long run. You ostensibly help the homeless, a very noble pursuit, however I worry if your motives are genuine.

 

[Jeffsus]

I know you are wrapped up living an Internet fantasy, but why not just be truthful with yourself. You will feel better about it in the long run. You ostensibly help the homeless, a very noble pursuit, however I worry if your motives are genuine.

Well, thank you for the free advice. And of course my motives are genuine, I'm not sure how they couldn't be. I help homeless people because they're always willing to drink with me (if I pay for it). I also doubt that you worry.

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

You're 37 years old, perfect health, have a wife and kids.

You can't work because.....???

Well, OW/welfare will pay your wife to rent a house and cover the costs of child rearing, but they won't pay for your husband to live there too because obviously he is totally capable of getting a job.

Solution?

For normal people the solution would be to get a job. McDonalds, Staples, hey I've been there, those are real jobs and actual dignity. But no. For many (all?) people on welfare, the trick is to pretend you live somewhere and collect another welfare cheque.

So, unwittingly, I've become a part of this scam. Welfare pays me the rent, he's never actually here, he collects the balance. Wham bam thank you ma'am.

The problem is I find it absolutely preposterous. I, You, pay good taxes to fund this nonesense.

This totally healthy employable gentleman has turned what used to be my dining room into a stolen bike chop shop.

As someone mentioned earlier, I am a rich fag and I hate to see good intentions, mine directly or other taxpayers, being abused by (i'll save my adjectives).

Anyway, the reason that prompted me to write this post, is that :

The Region of Waterloo Social Services, wrote me, about a guy who basically doesn't live here, to attend an employment plan... He will never get this letter, let alone attend this seminar, let alone pick up his pussy ass lazy undignified ass......

I will evict him at the first chance, but ...

This fucking letter from "RegioN OF Waterloo Social Services" is typed in the font:

COMIC SANS.

I bash my head n irony.

Jeff

 

[Jeffsus]

Ok.

I guess I'm not done yet .

Doesn't matter for whom I've voted, the government really does reach out hard to help every capable individual find employment. I've tapped those services myself during hard times.

There is literally no excuse for me to get a COMIC SANS letter about an otherwise homless person.

Am I St. Francis? Is it my position in life to accomodate scumbag bike thiefs from the reality of having a job?

-jM
A&D

 

[Ho||yw0oD]

If you can't take rent out of their bank account, I figured you would take rent out on their ass?