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Should a guy pay for a woman on a date?

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by Old Stradlater, Oct 7, 2005.

  1. octo

    octo TRIBE Member

    this is why i'm totally comfortable with letting the girl pick up the tab. because otherwise it makes me feel like i'm paying for sex.
  2. Old Stradlater

    Old Stradlater TRIBE Member

    That's ridiculous. A Husband who pays for his wifes meal is not "paying for sex".
  3. octo

    octo TRIBE Member

    when did this become about husbands and wives?

    edit: anyway sex should be a given in a relationship. dates are for spending time/doing something interesting together
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2005
  4. Krzysiu

    Krzysiu TRIBE Member

    if you're on a date with me... money will be spent... booze will be drunk... esteems will be damaged.
  5. Michlerish

    Michlerish Well-Known TRIBEr

    Old S, I guess I didn't answer your question directly, so here:

    Your friend is a little bit of a cheap ass. He has every right to say that he doesn't want to pay the full tab all the time... but his reasoning is really weird. It's not really progressive to absolutely refuse to ever pay the tab. Especially in a relationship, he should want to treat his girl once in a while (and vice versa).

    With that said, you're both right, really. You're just going to attract different kinds of women.
  6. Old Stradlater

    Old Stradlater TRIBE Member

    It's not about husbands and wives..and it's not about first dates either...it's about guys and girls in general and whether its normal or not for the man to want to pay for the woman more often than not, or take care of her in other ways I suppose (moving, fixing stuff, whatever).
  7. octo

    octo TRIBE Member

  8. KillaLadY

    KillaLadY TRIBE Member

    A mature and intelligent woman will be very observant and know that you paid for dinner, you don't have to emphasize and tell her that. It makes her feel like... well, if she was in a relationship with you, she would feel you will constantly remind her that you did all these things for her. (look, I did that for you and that and that...)
  9. Old Stradlater

    Old Stradlater TRIBE Member

    It also looks like you tricked her into accepting the second date, and once she said yes, you announced "by the way, you're paying!".

    Just ask her for the second date and wait and see if she tries to pay..if she makes no effort to pay, and this continues, then you know what type of person she is, and you can decide whether you want to continue or not.

    But inviting a girl out on a second date and then announcing it's her turn to pay once she accepts, is very uncouth.
  10. acheron

    acheron TRIBE Member

    especially considering it's her money too.

    As things have changed significantly in our societal and social makeup in the past fifty years, we can only really look at that period to measure what we 'think' collectively as a society about any given issue. So, after feminism, and multiculturalism, and social democracy all had their way with us, our ways and means and needs and wants have changed dramatically.

    - women can be providers
    - men 'prove their worth' by being good fathers, not by being a walking wallet
    - women are much more selective about men and date more and longer, and decide to end relationships sooner (same with men)
    - different views and inputs from new immigrants - some more progressive, others regressive (left-right)
    - many couples chose not to marry or have children and just live equally

    Given all this, is it still necessary or expected for the man to pay for any dates?

    I never held to that, myself - and I tended to select women who were at best semi-traditional in this regard, i.e. the expectation wasn't there that I would have to pay - and I never saw why I should have to. Women are _not_ dependant and shouldn't be encouraged to be so. Only exceptions I made were if the woman was looking for work or was a student at the time. Then it was entirely appropriate for me to pay the whole nut, and I wouldn't think or say anything about it. But if your partner has an independant income stream, she should pay her share. In the end, if you marry, you will end up doing this anyway. These days, my wife and I trade who gets out their credit card and pays for dinner, even though the cards both link to the same account.

    One marriage, two incomes, one bank account. Quibbling over who contributes more to the union and trying to install a financial power structure is retrograde foolishness. I think it's imporant to start thinking that way from day one with your first date. Demonstrate to the girl that you expect her to be a fully contributing member of the relationship and that you have confidence she will be able to do so. If men could be judged for their ability to provide then so should women, all things being equal. Expectations have to be equal, too. And all that about women making less is B.S. - occupations may make less than other occupations but either way, it doesn't matter - it's just a dinner date and if either of you can't afford it, you should pick a cheaper restaurant.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2005
  11. Old Stradlater

    Old Stradlater TRIBE Member

    That's very romantic of you Acheron as well.....:rolleyes:
  12. HotSauce

    HotSauce TRIBE Member

    grasshopper, you have much to learn...
    HE HAS ALREADY PAID for goods he no longer receives


    and look at this guy, happy about carrying a purse?

    But in all honesty, I think Acheron hit the nail on the head.
    All things should be considered equal if you're indeed married.

    If not, the man should pay(if he wants a shot of getting between the legs :)).
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2005
  13. acheron

    acheron TRIBE Member

    Since when does romance have anything to do with money? Seriously. there's just no need.

    :rolleyes: yourself! Your nick is appropriate! Old Stradlater was a womanizer!
  14. zee

    zee TRIBE Member

    Re: Re: Should a guy pay for a woman on a date?

    we laugh at the ridiculous dilemmas straight couples have ;p

    actually my boy and i have discussed this before and we're always amazed how in so many of our straight friends, its always assumed that the guy pays - always

    as acheron said, issues with money have very little do with any kind of notions of romance in our relationship

    sure, its nice if he takes care of the bill of the meal.. but i won't be swooning over that shit
    and vice versa

    but if you ask someone out on a date, then yes you should pay as courtesy.
  15. MOD ONE

    MOD ONE TRIBE Member

    If she's a cougar, she pays lol!:p

    I also think we are at a time where both people can pay for a meal or the movies here and there. It's 2005 and things have changed... well at least IMO.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2005
  16. MissBlu

    MissBlu TRIBE Member

    I definately think on the first date that the guy should pay...
    He should hold the door open too... After the first initial date I think its different though... If it turns into a relationship I think that dual pay is a good thing, especially if both people are just getting started in the big bad world, you dont want to make anyone go broke....
  17. annec

    annec TRIBE Member

    first date, guy should pay. 2nd date, guy should be prepared to pay, but should see if lady friend is willing to pay or go dutch. Tells you a lot in a short time about what each other is like from small interactions.

    There are no guarantees whether you're going to "get any", but if you're cheap like Stradlater's pal, the odds diminish unless he's super hot, but cheap is cheap, and he sounds like he's disguising his chepness by trying to argue that he's a "progressive" sort of fella.
  18. Prickly Pete

    Prickly Pete TRIBE Member

    This is exactly what I do... first date on me... then tell them to pay next date...
  19. Prickly Pete

    Prickly Pete TRIBE Member

    This should happen all the time... not just on the first date :)
  20. jebac

    jebac TRIBE Member

    just pay the fucking bill you goddamn cheap skate! and open the door for her too and pull out her chair!

    kids these days....

  21. annec

    annec TRIBE Member

    LMAO! ;)
  22. MissBlu

    MissBlu TRIBE Member

    true that... chair and door too... it really works & impresses the ladies... at least me anyway
  23. artemis

    artemis TRIBE Member

    i think a man should always be a gentleman. period.

    in terms of cash this means that he should be offering to pay, but doesen't have to do so constantly.

    my bf and i take turns, and i especially make sure to 'pay for the bill while on my way to the ladies room' when i can see that he is struggling with cash, or it's near the 1st or whatever.

    certainly the playing field is much more even these days, but i don't think it can ever be truly equal and why would you want it to be? we each posess a half of a whole - our similarities and differences are to be celebrated!
  24. Skipper

    Skipper TRIBE Member

    I usually expect the guy to pay if we have just started dating (because the guys I like are usually still a bit traditional like that), but if he can't, I wouldn't have a problem picking up more than my share so we could still go out and spend time together.

    Almost everyone I've dated has, at least initially, had more financial flexibility than I have and has paid for most of the initial dates.

    Many men just aren't comfortable with women picking up the tab on dates. They are more comfortable being the provider and are more concerned with impressing the woman by paying for everything. Women who pick up the tab usually do it just to be fair or give back a little.

    basically, who the fuck cares.
  25. grumblegirl

    grumblegirl TRIBE Member

    YES, man!
    there is a rather large income differential between my guy and i, so he pays more often than i, but i treat him as well (ikea swedish meatball special!!).
    when we first started dating, he tried to pay for everything - i had to fight to get him to let me pay for gallery tickets [doufus], but he now understands that having him pay for everything makes me *very* uncomfortable - i don't feel like i'm contributing equally, and there is a perceived power exchange (real or not real - doesn't matter if you feel it). he also has gotten used to going for cheaper dates - walks, coffees, lunch specials, etc. so that it's not much of an issue anymore.
    420 guy - if the women you're dating don't understand that you're treating them WITH respect, and not the other way around - then you're dating the wrong women. keep it up - eventually someone will appreciate your honesty and respect. (tho - that said - i do hope you finesse the 'transaction' a wee bit more than your explanation led to believe!)

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