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shock and awe and bosa- part 3

judge wopner

TRIBE Member
shock and awe and dating part 3- in the club:

knowing so little of that evenings mission,
i jumped headfirst into battle plans to hit up the local disco for cougar night..
yes, just the thought of all those ladies, lustful and vibrant as ever, desparately
seeking young fresh meat, made me giddy with excitement.

After donning the traditional dress of Nairobi's "awye machu" peoples, repleat with the morrocain hat and fly swoosher, I soundly changed into comfortable slacks and a pajama top, tucked in to highlight my youthful and thrust-ready buttox.
"Surely the alpha female cannot resist" I paused to say to myself standing before a mirrored display case while waiting in line for low carb beer at the LCBO. After a few breif twirls and
meowing sounds (for effect) I was off.

after a rather bumpy and unpleasant Rickshaw ride to the bar I entered in haste to destiny.
It was dark, dank and dirty, just the way i like it. Women scrambling madly about the room scanning for men. But a boy i was, amidst the vitural tick tock of biological clocks drowning the room in noise like a tea kettle at boil.

It was here i believed my many wrongs in the complex and often awkward world of dating would be remedied. Yes, amist the haste and regret of a single life for any woman over 30, I would arrive to champion the cause of self-gratification.

There i stood before an entire battalion sized group of grils, quite young to be in such a place i said rather loudly, only to realize i was foolishly speaking to myself out loud, (and chastizing myself for it even louder... silly rabbit.)

I avoided approaching any of the ladies, save one particularily cute blonde who caught my eye.
I shot her a big smile and that look that said "im too chicken to talk to you, but i thought you'd like to see my nice teeth."
she responded in kind with a look that seem to shout "i think this is a gay bar."

the minutes passed, and so fast they do when gin is coarsing through your viens.
i soon found my self in a long and rather drawn out conversation with that special lady about her love life and deep seated emotional issues. far too much information for a first encounter. it took minutes to learn just how disturbed this fair blonde woman was. as with all beautiful women, i gladly neglected to tell her any persoanl information in favour of her incessant chatter.
if only i had known how to use these precious tidbits of personal detail as cannon fodder to further the cause of consensual and casual sex..... i guess some mysteries are better left unsolved.

there i stood buying drinks at the bar for the two of us.
vodka and tonic, my 2 strongest allies in this the war of the sexes.
while she placed the tip i left for the bartender down his pants, followed by a clandestine hand job, i hastily scooted away with both drinks, in hopes of using the remainder of the night wisely meeting an equally foolish special someone,( while wondering who ever said that pretty girls make graves). how dark and devious my plan, but if carefuly excecuted, i would surely spend that evening with a lucky lady non?

i could see it now, we would enjoy hours of dry-humping on my couch perhaps followed by a tearful account of her most recent failed relationship, and my own tearful admission that my infantry unit was shipping out to Afganistan the following day, and how I may never come back....... he he he....

alas i ended that fabled night alone, in the cold streets of tonronto's harsh artic winter. My face froze save the gentle embers of that hot dog stands grill. As i ordered a sausage, i handed him my $2.50 and wondered how many fallen men the hot dog guy has seen, just like myself stumbling from bars, disheveled but still intact.... ready to fight another day.

my 'Wonder Years' moment was interupted by his squawk voice "$3.00 for sausage, $2.50 for hot dog, you give me $.50 more". I laughed as i realized he had no cheese, and i had just ran out of money......

Alex D. from TRIBE on Utility Room
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Evil Dynovac

TRIBE Member
You should have stayed in that Nairobi number. The white cougar is drawn to the exotic races their ex-husbands use to make fun of.


TRIBE Member
Originally posted by judge wopner
Women scrambling madly about the room scanning for men. But a boy i was, amidst the vitural tick tock of biological clocks drowning the room in noise like a tea kettle at boil.


Gold :)