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Self-Improvement/Mental Inventory

sugar

TRIBE Member
The past two years have been a time of some real self-reflection, contemplation, and attempting to conquer my inner demons. I started this process about six years ago (my first time in therapy), but it has only been the past two years that I feel that I've taken the time necessary to make considerable progress. Life is obviously always a work in progress, and if you're interested in self-improvement, it makes sense to constantly re-evaluate areas that are problematic for you.

I recently did an exercise that my headhunter gave me that was to list at least 50 things about yourself - with the intent being to ponder the things that make you uniquely you. Necessarily (because of who the list was being given to: the person who is trying to present me as the world's greatest employee!) that list was all positive or neutral items. That was an incredible exercise, and I encourage you all to try it sometime - it made me feel pretty damn great about myself, at a time when I really needed that type of encouragement.

What *this* thread is about, however, are those areas of your personality/approach/habits that you recognise as being negative/detrimental/problematic that you are working to change, or would like to improve. I don't intend this to be a downer AT ALL! There has recently been a thread about summer goals, and that's what inspired me to think about this.

My list:
- I tend to focus on my flaws too much (ergo, this thread)
- I have chronic anxiety (though much, much less than I did before learning the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy)
- I am extremely sensitive physically, and I know that a lot of it is mental (somatisation, hello!)
- I over-analyse everything way too much, especially the motivations of others (which are largely unknowable, therefore this is a pointless pursuit)
- I am often too blunt with my opinions, when sometimes a more subtle/sensitive approach should be used
- My mom tells me I'm too sarcastic
- I allow how other people interact with me to affect how I see myself too much

OK, that's enough for now. I'm sure I'll think of others later ;)
 

Soulster

TRIBE Member
i intend to answer this when i can spend the time providing a well thought-out reply.

interesting thread sugar.
 
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Skipper

TRIBE Member
well at least I will answer your thread seriously, unlike some other dolts in here :O

- I don't let my brain shut off very often, constantly thinking (sometimes worrying) about things on my to-do list, both big things and small
- I procrastinate, which makes the point above 100x worse
- I don't forget things and have a tendency to bring up things others have done in arguments, whether we've dealt with them already or not
- I struggle with routine and with balance and exercising willpower
- I get frustrated with little details of everyday life and often forget to step back and think about the big picture, and how much those frustrations actually matter
- I don't tell the people close to me that I love them enough.

I'd be interested in doing that other exercise sugar, the 50 positive/neutral items one.
 

~atp~

TRIBE Member
sugar said:
My list:
- I tend to focus on my flaws too much (ergo, this thread)
- I have chronic anxiety (though much, much less than I did before learning the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy)
- I am extremely sensitive physically, and I know that a lot of it is mental (somatisation, hello!)
- I over-analyse everything way too much, especially the motivations of others (which are largely unknowable, therefore this is a pointless pursuit)
- I am often too blunt with my opinions, when sometimes a more subtle/sensitive approach should be used
- My mom tells me I'm too sarcastic
- I allow how other people interact with me to affect how I see myself too much
Except for the first point, I'm not sure I'd want to see you change any of the other behaviours you've raised. Maybe that's a selfish request, but I think that-which-constitutes Allison is -- at least partially -- regulated by the behaviours mentioned above.

Nevertheless, selfish opinion aside, I can see how such a list can be a totally constructive mechanism for improving one's self image and an effective tool for adding meaning, excitement and a new perspective on life.
 

rubytuesday

TRIBE Member
-I stress too much, often to the point where it's really not helping me get things done.
-I'll put off eating or skip meals because I'm broke and hate cooking/planning meals for one; I'm skinnier right now then I've been in years thanks to this bad habit. I consider myself very strong physically and I need to stop using that as an excuse to tax my body.
-My lisp; it's never been an issue to anyone but my anal latin teacher but it's my one physical flaw. Bf's think it's sexy (sure) and my friends swear they can't hear anything. I've never had a child I'm teaching comment on it, which is to me the most important thing. However I do a lot of public speaking and I'm very comfortable in that role but sometimes I wonder whether it detracts from what I'm saying.
-I tend to let things slide when people get confrontational or annoying when I could give less about them. I think this is a generally good approach, you have to choose your battles but turning my cheek(s) all the time can get wearisome and letting idiots get away with being shitty isn't ideal as they'll just keep on doing it. :mad:
-I find I downplay my accomplishments and thus myself yet at the same time I'm always striving for more. It's a bad combination, as soon as I reach one goal it becomes trivial and I need to do something bigger.
-Oh and I'm naive and I overshare. I assume everyone is like me, that is, follows a certain code of ethics and wouldn't purposefully be conniving or hurtful. While I don't want to change myself for petty and close-minded people, I've learned the hard way that not everyone is on the same level.
 

littlenutty

TRIBE Member
Right now i'd say my most detremental personality trait is being too hard on myself. latley i have been obsessing over reaching perfection. well my idea of perfection anyway.

major trust issues. i dont trust anything or anyone (cept the s.o). i'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop - which isnt fun.

i'm vengeful. i harbour resentment for those who have crossed me. which means that i waste my precious time and energy thinking about things that really dont matter at all and probabley never really mattered to begin with.

but i have to say that other than those issues i've made leaps and bounds in my state of mind and personal well-being. i ran into some people who knew me a few years ago and they couldnt believe the change in me and how i had gone from someone with zero confidence and major insecurity to someone who knows their selfworth and is exuding confidence. it was probabley the nicest most encouraging thing i had heard in a very long time. i still have things to work on but its a lifelong process, i dont think i will ever run out of areas to improve on.
 
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Syntax Error

Well-Known TRIBEr
-i'm incredibly self-absorbed. the world really does revolve around me and anything outside of my head is not worth my time.
-i argue with people even when i know i'm wrong.
-i lie constantly for no reason other than to amuse myself.
-i always feel like i'm being judged. everytime someone looks at me or GOD forbid speaks to me.
-i am unable to see how someone could have a different opinion than me and not be wrong
-my grammer sucks
-i never leave my apartement unless i have to
-i have fallen into a daily routine of self-medication which impairs my ability to motivate myself
-i can't remember what happened 30 seconds ago
-i enjoy hurting people
-i take nothing seriously
-i get distracted easily
-i abuse point form
-i am quick to anger and take forever to calm down after getting angry
-my penis is too large

i'm sure there's more. i'm not really at the point where i'm actively trying to "correct" myself, but it's good that i can at least recognize my less-attractive(relatively) personality traits.
 

Syntax Error

Well-Known TRIBEr
oh yeah and i don't talk much. mostly because i'm usually too concerned with myself to bother trying to have a conversation with anyone.
 

Karim

TRIBE Member
Participation on tribe is the worst thing one can do for their mental stability. I'm sure all your problems would be solved by blindly punching a whole bunch of random characters into the "change password" section in the options ensuring you could never log on again.
 

sugar

TRIBE Member
DJ Doublecross said:
Your thread sucks Allison.
Spinsah said:
Your mom's right, Allison.
You guys are both dicks, and I constantly question why I am even friends with you.

Skipper said:
I'd be interested in doing that other exercise sugar, the 50 positive/neutral items one.
I'll post it tonight from home :)

~atp~ said:
Except for the first point, I'm not sure I'd want to see you change any of the other behaviours you've raised. Maybe that's a selfish request, but I think that-which-constitutes Allison is -- at least partially -- regulated by the behaviours mentioned above.
Well, thank you :), but I'd hate to think that the fact that I struggle with chronic anxiety is part of what makes me unique, because it is something I am working hard to change! I think I'd still be uniquely me without it ;)

Karim said:
I'm sure all your problems would be solved by blindly punching a whole bunch of random characters into the "change password" section in the options ensuring you could never log on again.
So I could just reregister and come back with a different name when the temptation grows too strong, like a certain someone we know?
 

Amy_J

TRIBE Member
-I live for confrontation. Rarely do I go into a situation without the expectation and in the mindframe that a fight of some sort will inevitably take place
-I can't let go of the past and even though I'll forgive and move forward with people, I don't really forget and it always leads to a bit of resentment
-I have a hard time controlling my anger
-I contemplate every little detail of life.
-I second guess everything I do. This has gotten so bad that I found myself in the grocery store wondering if buying green peppers was the right choice over red (I didn't want to buy both cuz they never get eaten if I do) and finally couldn't decide, so bought neither
-I try my hardest to not show weakness, or emotion that may be viewed as weakness, out of fear of being walked over and taken advantage of in some way
-I question whether people are friends with me because they have some kind of alterior motive and thus don't keep many people as close friends


There's more, but it's all shit I'm working on because it all reeeks of insecurity and that drives me crazier than anyone could begin to imagine
 
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grumblegirl

TRIBE Member
- my fears or anxieties have far too much power - i routinely stress about things that are either irrelevant, or far away, or are not necessarily even going to happen.
- i am too much of an open book. like rubytuesday - it means that not very nice people have too much information about me. unfortunately - also one of my great traits. argh.
- i have mercurial mood/outlook changes. one minute everything is wonderful, and then [see my first point] all of a sudden everything is lost and nothing will ever work out.
- i procrastinate, and have a hard time motivating myself for anything i'm not getting paid to do. and even things i am, sometimes.
- i am often judgemental of those closest to me, while giving people i *don't* know as well, a lot of faith, understanding, and empathy.
- it seems that i'm rarely happy/content with what i have. i like the *idea* of something better than the reality, a lot of the time, and when i get 'it', i'm not sated.
- there is more, but i'm procrastinating, and really should get to my to-do list.
[as an aside - doing this exercise without doing the other side of it (stuff i'm proud of) is kinda depressing.]
 

Ms. Fit

TRIBE Member
negative/detrimental/problematic for Ms. Fit:

-i seem to have have the same eating issues as rubytuesday
-i waaaayyyy overanalyze things to the point where it consumes me and inhibits my daily functions
-i get angry easily
-i too tend to forgive but never ever forget and i struggle to let go of things even though important relationships may be damaged in the process
-i'm extremely bitchy towards my (ex)bf, even though he's trying
-i let my friends influence me too much, maybe instead of turning to them for advice i should realize that only *i* know what's best for me and maybe certain people don't have the best intentions for me

i'm working on all of these though.
 
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kmac

TRIBE Member
I thought about this and I have a ton of faults (and I'm fully aware of them) but those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
 

MoFo

TRIBE Member
I do drugs and drink copious amounts on a weekday when I should be going home after work, eating dinner, getting my shit together and then having a good night's sleep.

Other than that, I am perfect.
 

MoFo

TRIBE Member
Okay, I'll do more.

I have a hard time saying no to requests, particularly if they are for the betterment of society or for my work. I will take on a lot of work just because I know that others will fuck it up, not put in 110% or do it in a way where certain people will be left in the dark. So I end up stressing so much because a huge weight is on my shoulders. I am notorious for doing too much.

I tend to get these really extreme and sometimes surreal obsessions with certain boys that they take over every waking moment of my life.

I am really blunt because I always assume that everyone can take a racist joke, a jab or a blatant criticism as I expect the same kind of honesty towards me from others. I forget that most people have a sensitivity threshold.

I like living with multiple personalities. It often backfires on me because most people want consistency. But consistency is so boring! I like pushing people's buttons and totally playing with people's perceptions. To the point where I took a career path (non-profit) just to prove to people that I can be different. Sure, it's rewarding and I work in this field with sincere intentions but that's not how I got into it.

I will do anything to get my way including insulting someone, leaving someone out or lying my way through a hierarchy while leaving, say, coworkers/colleagues in the dark.

I often don't take credit for the shit that I do. And that can be alienating sometimes. But then again, being a silent do-gooder is also the best thing.

I have a social anxiety disorder that haunted and ran my life for a good 20 years before I decided to do something about it sans medication. So even now, I have panic attacks in very specific social situations.

I have a very selective learning process. It often makes me sound really unintelligent. So I can go on and on about a certain type of art or a book I read.. But ask me to tell you how to cook Kraft dinner, how to write a cheque or how gasoline works and you'll get a huge "UM" from me.So I become a total space cadet.

I tend to multitask and even though I always get stuff done, it could be way more efficient. I am not a planner.

I am a huge planner and really strategic about everything I do even if it's something spontaneous.

I tend to contradict myself.
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
Hmm. Good topic..

- I do way too much at work and have just learned that saying 'No' is ok..

- I'm too nice. This sounds totally stupid I know, but it is something my friends have been telling me for years. I'm always volunteering to help someone out, or put my time in..with little response.. I know I spend way too much energy on ppl who don't deserve it. I'm working on it.. But, I still am who I am.. (Some of you may know what I'm talking about..)

- I'm shy. Constant struggle. In a group of ppl I don't know, I won't say Boo.. I can be an ass and talk up a storm in front of my kids and close friends, but anyone else?? I will do it. I will put myself out there, but it is tough..
Also have no capability to make small talk.. I'll get right into the deep shit..

- I think too much. I'm a worrier...

- I hold stuff in. Then it just explodes like a maelstorm.. My ire, which doesn't show it's angry head often, is a terrible thing to see...And the recipient is usually left thinking, "What the Frak?".. Only cause I will finally blow over some small thing like how to cut tomatoes..lol

- Mmm I hate fish.. I know it's good for me, but I can't stand it and want to gag every time I smell Dover sole or salmon being cooked.. Lokks so good though..
 
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