Random musings of an unsatisfied mind

[dlerium88]

I've decided to ramble, and undoubtedly reveal more of myself than I have in a long time. Its 5 am and I'm probably going crazy from sleep deprivation, although I can't sleep...damn insomnia.

I have so much to say, so many things flowing through my mind, that I thought it was time for another random musings from a confused mind in the way it was originally cast; as just a ramble, with no desire for responses (although they're always nice), and no real point but of course without a theme it'd be pointless!! (oh how I make myself laugh sometimes)

For the majority of tonight, I've sat here with this crawling under my skin, as if my something inside me is screaming to be let out, grasping for something unknown.

Then it hit me. I feel too normal. Why is it that feeling normal makes my skin crawl. I know that I want to be exceptional, do something special, but then again Im still a kid in a 20 year olds body...thinking that life should mean more than 9-5 workdays and what kind of car I can afford. But really is being in school going to change that? I highly doubt it...

It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm happier now than I have been in a long time..I'm just unsatisfied and no amount of masturbation can fix it!

Maybe spirituality is the answer...or maybe I'm just insane.

 

[nusty]

try more masturbation.

 

[dlerium88]

Whoa!! Someones awake!!

*runs and hides*

oops!

 

[nusty]

At this hour, I'm not really on top of things either, sorry for the previous statment. I've been getting that feeling a lot recently too. I'm having a blast living but I've really got more ambition than I'm putting to use.
I wish I could justify not sleeping with being an insomniac but it more likely the effedrine (sp?) that I took, so that I could work through the night.

I hope you can get things sorted out soon. Have a great night.
I'm having a private HHC / study and work party, you're welcome to join in if you can get to Waterloo before sunrise. or you can bring your own music, this stuff is starting to get to me again.
After that, then you'll probably feel more fulfilled!
Always works a bit for me.
well thats my 5:30am two cents worth.

 

[nusty]

Originally posted by dlerium88
Whoa!! Someones awake!!

*runs and hides*

oops!

aw, please come out. this place is empty as it is!

 

[dlerium88]

hehe..actually thats a good way of putting it..more ambition than I'm using up.

Go on icq! Then we can actually talk instead of making this thread look popular or something, cuz I mean it is a bunch of inane ramblings like my whole night has been!!

Look I've still got sooo much of it in me!! If you go on icq you'll be exposed to it all..

Ok I'm gonna go *hide* again!

 

[nusty]

actually my icq hasn't been working all year, there is some kind of retarded problem with my server and I can't configure it for the life of me. my msn works though....
otherwise, we'll be turning this into our own private instant messanger service.


I think I found you on msn, turn it on and lets see....

 

[dlerium88]

^^ hmm I dont think you did, because my msn IS on and Im getting nothing.

I bet you we get yelled at tomorrow for turning this into our own private messaging thread..although right now I dont think anyone cares

Maybe it'll make more people read my inane ramblings because they'll think that all these people actually cared about what I had to say...haha riight like THAT would happen!

 

[nusty]

try adding me then nusty8@hotmail.com


I don't want to get yelled at....

 

[futronic]

Gooooo Cracky! Back to teh drugs for you.

lol.

-- Jay aka Fut

 

[Rosey]

Originally posted by dlerium88

For the majority of tonight, I've sat here with this crawling under my skin, as if my something inside me is screaming to be let out, grasping for something unknown.

Then it hit me. I feel too normal. Why is it that feeling normal makes my skin crawl. I know that I want to be exceptional, do something special, but then again Im still a kid in a 20 year olds body...thinking that life should mean more than 9-5 workdays and what kind of car I can afford. But really is being in school going to change that? I highly doubt it...

It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm happier now than I have been in a long time..I'm just unsatisfied and no amount of masturbation can fix it!

Maybe spirituality is the answer...or maybe I'm just insane.

i dig it.
gooooooooooooooooo ritika!
sleep is for the weak! or would 'week' be more appropriate? hmmmm, how punny.

 

[Lil'Timmy]

You say you feel too normal?

What exactly is normal anyways?

(readin the works of Plato on the Go-Train this morning, so I'm askin universal questions)

 

[dicksherwood]

Normal is for the unfulfilled, the unmotivated, the unadventurous...normal is a way of justifying a sedentary existence based on an appreciation of material goods and a lack of interest in the possibilities that surround us. Normal is 9-5 all week, clean the house Saturday...throw the kids in front of the television...fuck the wife twice a month...pay the mortgage, drive a minivan. Normal is what "they" want us to be, uninterested in anything except buying useless, needless products at Wal-Mart and seeing the latest Ah-nold movie.

Normal is a state of being, one that scares me. Normal means not living life to its fullest, not being interested in anything except that which is occuring in your own backyard.

Fight Normalcy, be weird...

 

[Jazz]

Originally posted by dlerium88
Then it hit me. I feel too normal. Why is it that feeling normal makes my skin crawl. I know that I want to be exceptional, do something special, but then again Im still a kid in a 20 year olds body...thinking that life should mean more than 9-5 workdays and what kind of car I can afford. But really is being in school going to change that? I highly doubt it...

It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm happier now than I have been in a long time..I'm just unsatisfied and no amount of masturbation can fix it!

Maybe spirituality is the answer...or maybe I'm just insane.

Get used to it... if you're only 20 years old now, just wait until you're turning 25... you will be questioning so many things about life, the world we live in, etc. that you'll think your head's going to explode...

solution = copius amounts of drugs... well, temporary solution anyway unless you want to slowly kill your brain with alcohol a la homer...

There's something to be said for ignorance being bliss

 

[dicksherwood]

Re: Re: Random musings of an unsatisfied mind

Originally posted by Jazz


Get used to it... if you're only 20 years old now, just wait until you're turning 25... you will be questioning so many things about life, the world we live in, etc. that you'll think your head's going to explode...

solution = copius amounts of drugs... well, temporary solution anyway
There's something to be said for ignorance being bliss

So true mon ami, so true

 

[dlerium88]

Jay (Futronic) -- funny thing is, this is what happens to my brain when it's not on drugs!! Scary thought eh..drugs make me normal

Dick Sherwood...you are my hero..why don't I know you?

and last but certainly not least

Jazz: if that's the case what's the point in living. If dulling my intelligence to the point of stupidity is the only way to cure this insatiable hunger for something meaningful then I should just go overdose on heroin (my chosen method of suicide). Luckily being as young as I am I still have hope, that maybe once I get past this undergrad bullshit, I might actually do something meaningful at least to me.

I'm hoping by the time I'm 25 I'll be over this frustration, at least paying to learn stuff I really want to instead of this dribble...

Normal means when you fill out a sociology questionnaire you don't deviate too far from everybody elses answers!! Normal means you live your life based on how you're told to live, instead of questioning everything and anything..normal is boring as fuck and I can only hope that I never fall into that mundane pre-sequenced type of life.

 

[dicksherwood]

Originally posted by dlerium88
Jay (Futronic) -- funny thing is, this is what happens to my brain when it's not on drugs!! Scary thought eh..drugs make me normal

Isn't it crazy how that works? My fun little ganja habit has gotten to the point where I feel more normal, more myself, when I'm blazed. When I'm sober I feel like I'm just getting through the day until I can get red again...

Normal means when you fill out a sociology questionnaire you don't deviate too far from everybody elses answers!! Normal means you live your life based on how you're told to live, instead of questioning everything and anything..normal is boring as fuck and I can only hope that I never fall into that mundane pre-sequenced type of life.

That's what I'm talkin 'bout boyeeee! It's all about finding a lifestyle (including a place to live) where "normal" has no influence over how you choose to act, what you choose to do and who you choose to do it with. Some can find that "abnormal" place within the confines of a "normal" society. M, I'm choosing to escape normalcy and find my own "normal" in a place where "normal" in its current form doesn't exist.

has anyone ever used more quotes in a thread than this?

 

[Cheeka]

Originally posted by dicksherwood69

Fight Normalcy, be weird...

no problem there...
haha - I couldn't be normal if I tried. (no comments from anyone )

I'm a full-blown shitshow... normal for me is totally unattainable

 

[Jazz]

Originally posted by dlerium88
Jazz: if that's the case what's the point in living. If dulling my intelligence to the point of stupidity is the only way to cure this insatiable hunger for something meaningful then I should just go overdose on heroin (my chosen method of suicide). Luckily being as young as I am I still have hope, that maybe once I get past this undergrad bullshit, I might actually do something meaningful at least to me.

Actually, I was just joking about drugs as the solution ... if anything drugs have done the complete opposite for me... opening my eyes to things I had never even thought about before...

So, do you spend your life constantly searching for something that you may never find? Or do you just settle for being "content" with life, having a 9-5 job that pays well, nice house, nice car, white picket fence, and all the rest...

Most people pick option 2... they fall into the roles that our society has set out for them... but how can you blame them, when we've been preconditioned for this type of life since grade school... "go to school, get good grades, get into a good university, get a well paying 9-5 job, work your whole life until it's time to retire".

No thanks, not for me I realized this in high school.

I'm hoping by the time I'm 25 I'll be over this frustration, at least paying to learn stuff I really want to instead of this dribble...

Maybe you will be... but don't count on it!

 

[Jazz]

Originally posted by dicksherwood69
Isn't it crazy how that works? My fun little ganja habit has gotten to the point where I feel more normal, more myself, when I'm blazed.

so true...

The most "normal" (as in more myself) I have ever felt was the last time I was on shrooms walking around Toronto... yet at the same time I felt completely not-normal, in terms of what society considers the norm... very strange feeling...

 

[SUNKIST]

sometimes i feel like that ritikia. like something really big and good is gonna happen, so im just going to school in the meantime. or maybe its just my disillusioned visions of granduer making me think that..but still...you never know

 

[dlerium88]

Well maybe I'm naive (where are those two little dots when you need them), but I keep thinking that if I can make my lifetime goal a reality then maybe this yearning will go away..or will it still be there?

Then again I don't know if Id want it to go away. Its the yearning that makes me strive for more, that keeps me from becoming a complete drug addict, that keeps me going, although sometimes it can be a little overwhelming (like last night).

Wow I never thought this thread would actually turn into something. It's always nice when it happens though...

 

[Deep_Groove]

have you guys ever thought...

...that maybe YOU'RE the normal ones, forced to live in an unnatural/abnormal world?

Or that these great and/or spiritual things you desire are really just the normal longings of a living soul trapped in a dead zone?

spooky...
I think that ALL the time...

- Deep_Groove

 

[Guest]

Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.

Enjoy this time being young and fucked up Ritika, cos before you know it, you'll be old and fucked up.

And if you want a riddle to challenge your mind, here ya go:

THE MISSING DOLLAR!

3 MEN GO INTO A MOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30, SO EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM. A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE ROOM WAS ONLY $25, SO HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH $5. ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT $5 EVENLY BETWEEN 3 MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR HIMSELF. THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL OF $27, ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29.0

'splain that puleeze.

 

[dicksherwood]

Re: have you guys ever thought...

Originally posted by Deep_Groove
Or that these great and/or spiritual things you desire are really just the normal longings of a living soul trapped in a dead zone?
- Deep_Groove

This is scares me the most...what if what we think separates us from one another is really the tie that binds. No matter how much we desire avoiding normalcy we can't just because that's the way it is. That no amount of travelling, learning, playing, or experiencing can keep us from becoming that one thing so many of our generation seem to abhor...normal.

Yikes this leads to some heavy arguments of signifigance and finding our own individual places in the world, a subject of some obsession to those of us who have grown in the Western tradition (such as it is), something I'm just not willing to tackle after a long day...anyone got a light?