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Question for the ladies.

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by Cheer Bear, Mar 6, 2002.

  1. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    I have a question for you gals.

    Would you go out with a single father, who took care his baby completely by himself?

    And what if the relationship turned serious? Would you continue with it?

    How would you feel about dating a guy with a kid?

  2. deep

    deep TRIBE Member

    I've never even heard of a young male with custody of their child over the mother

  3. pr0nstar

    pr0nstar TRIBE Member

    I couldn't do it, and I'm older.

    A child is something I'm not prepared for...

  4. It's very rare. I'm not sure if its because the courts are biased, or the dads just generally don't want to stick around, or whatever.

    From the Ministry of very interested in seeing what the response to this thread is.

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  5. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    She sees the baby when she wants to. Which is hardly ever.

    He lives on his own, with his son.
  6. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    I was hoping you'd respond James.

    Anyways, I'm only 19, he's 21.

    I'm not saying this will go anywhere, but if it does I'm worried that when the baby gets older, and if he knows who I am, it would hurt the child more than it would hurt me or him.

    I'd feel horrible. :(

    But, it might not turn into anything at all.

  7. doodlebug

    doodlebug TRIBE Member

    I don't see a problem with dating someone who fits the description you mentionned above. If two people are into eachother and the guy happens to have a kid - there's just more to love!!!
    But seeing boys with their babies makes me all mushy inside anyway....
  8. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    That's what I said, I get two beautiful boys instead of one. ;)
  9. pr0nstar

    pr0nstar TRIBE Member

    G'luck ...

    But you made valid points that should be crossing anyone's mind that it's involved with someone with a child that's always there.

    You should be concerned mainly with the child and their view of your relationship.

  10. doodlebug

    doodlebug TRIBE Member

    seriously, I've seen some kids and their daddy's girlfriends get along SO well. The only thing is that there's always a chance relationships don't work, and if you get attached to the little boy, and vice versa, it might be hard. But you have to make choices and if you're going into it fully knowing what might come out of it and willing to accept it, then cool - all the best to you! ;)
  11. Booty Bits

    Booty Bits TRIBE Member

    i don't think theres any reason to stay away from the potential relationship just because he is the primary caregiver for his child.
    however, it is definitely something you want to think about...
    you know how everyone is at a different stage in their life?
    well a 21 yr old single dad is probably at a different place in life than me or you.
    if thats a gap you think you can bridge, then go for it.

    hell, he might even be more responsible than some other guys his age.

    just treat his son with respect, and be sure to acknowledge the time and emotion that he must allocate to his son.

  12. Some people say that that should matter, some people say it doesn't. I generally find that people who do have children at a young age, do tend to exhibit a bit more maturity, but then again, I don't think that applies to everyone.

    And I'm sure that he's just as aware of that as you are. It's kind of a double edged sword. I'm sure that the child would take to you, as you have a wonderful demeanor and seem like the kind of person that would be great around kids.

    Breaking up is a risk you take in any relationship. Just remember that you are dating him and not the child. He is separate from the child and probably gets known as the guy who has a kid (much like I was in high school). He does have his own separate identity, and although he does have a bit more responsibility than most of us, he still needs to be thought of alone and separately.

    Hopefully he isn't looking for a surrogate mother. I myself, remind people that when the issue of Kearyn comes up, that I am not looking for someone who will take care of her. That comes much further down the road, should we be fortunate enough to head down that path. But that comes much later.

    You shouldn't. Yeah, I've been sad for my daughter when my past long term girlfriends broke it off, but I sat down and talked to her and often explained to her that sometimes things just don't work out. The fact that he's on his own and not with the mother, sometimes prepares the child better than you or I would think for something like a break up.

    From the Ministry of you'll find out soon enough, think not necessarily of the child first, but if you like him first and foremost.

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  13. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    Yup yup.
  14. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    Thanks James. You're always good for some advice. :)
  15. Just out of curiosity, how old is the child?

    Not that it would matter all that much.

    From the Ministry of curious

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  16. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    9 months. He's a weeeee baby.
  17. shouldn't really matter. I do very much admire the guy's taking on the bull by the horns so to speak.

    From the Ministry of that's courage.

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  18. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    that's what i said too :)

  19. That's really sound advice Liz. :)

    exactly. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to leave him alone with the child, but make sure you feel comfortable being around the child.

    From the Ministry of kids pick that kind of stuff up. They are far more perceptive than we could ever give them credit for.

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  20. mingster

    mingster TRIBE Member

    I think it's the parent's responsibility to determine who should and shouldn't meet their kid. Not saying that the parent has to lie about dating, but I've met single parents who don't want to confuse their kids and won't have them meet each other.

    Someone in such a situation is obviously gonna have to deal with the "single parent" aspect of life with their kid. Personally, I don't think it's appropriate to introduce the kid to all the women he dates. Just the special ones. ;)

  21. BreakzBroad

    BreakzBroad TRIBE Member

    I would definitly consider it. Sure it would be different, but I could deal with it. If he is a good dad and treats his child well, at 21 yrs. of age, and taking full responsibility for the child,- he seems like a very sweet and mature guy.

    I was involved in a realtionship about 2 yrs. ago, and i had no clue that he had a 2 yr. old child. he lied to me. i didn't know the whole time! I saw a car seat once, he told me he had a nephew. i believed him. He never gave me the chance to show him how i would respond. After I broke it off with him, i was still oblivious to the fact. I found out 2 months later!

    guys like that are NOT worth the time. I mean sure, it's a really hard situation and they must have lots of trouble with gurls becuz of this situation. but lying about it is just WRONG! i say give him a chance, see what he's all about. :) It doesn't make him any less of a man becuz he has a child. If anything he is more of one.

    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 6, 2002
  22. It kinda sad if someone will pull that kind of shit, since it generally says to me that they are embarrased about having the child. That doesn't really bode well either if his attitude doesn't change.

    From the Ministry of not nice.

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  23. BreakzBroad

    BreakzBroad TRIBE Member

    that's exactly what i said! i FREAKED on him when i found out. I remember uttering the words, u are an embarassment not only to fatherhood but to urself also. how can u lie about a major part of ur life like that? it is ur child! i was disgusted let me tell u. I started hangin' out with his friends again, and we speak to eachother now, and party together sometimes. but i will still never forget what he did, and i will still consider him a jerk!

  24. joey

    joey TRIBE Member

    i dont think i could get involved with a girl who has a kid

    as much as i love kids, and i really do

    i just want to have my kids.

    it may sound selfish but thats my feelings..

    maybe along the road, if my marriage didnt work out and i hooked up with a girl who has kids then that could work..

    but i would want one of my own first
  25. It's unfortunate, because the mentality and motive may not be as bad as you might think. Like I said, often people lose their identity as being an actual person or individual, and wind up getting labelled as "that guy/girl who has the kid". And of course, there's an assumption that the guy/girl is or should still be together. Most likely for the child's sake. When Kearyn was born, there were plenty of people that were asking if I would marry the mother.

    It's still reprehensible and obviously shows that he/she wasn't in a parental state of mind at the time, since it clearly demonstrates that he put himself infront of his child. Sometimes you need to do it for sake of sanity, but not for the purposes of lying to you and for distancing himself from his own flesh and blood.

    From the Ministry of not justifying what he did, just trying to explain why he might have done it.

    Prime Minister Highsteppa

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