• Hi Guest: Welcome to TRIBE, the online home of TRIBE MAGAZINE. If you'd like to post here, or reply to existing posts on TRIBE, you first have to register. Join us!

Premarital cohabitation

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
ps: ignoring, of course, any of my comments on religion, which are quite obviously meaningless (in the context of the thread), as I consider religion to be much worse than a mere "opiate of the masses"--more addictive, more mind-numbing, more prone to be justified by users as providing wonderful stuffs with no ill effects, the dealers of it make more money, etc.
 

Pyrovitae

TRIBE Member
i think what postmod's infuriated by (and this is only my interpretation) is the insinuation by various people within this thread that living together before marriage will doom the relationship or requires less actual commitment than the institution itself.

coupled with the irony that all the individuals denouncing 'shacking up' are either single or have never lived with a significant other.
 
Last edited:

Jeffsus

TRIBE Member
The reason is obvious. It's a statistical anomaly.

Consider that x is the average amount of time that someone who doesn't cohabitate is married before they either divorce or die.

And consider that y is the average amount of time that someone who does cohabitate, cohabitates before they get married.

Then, for the person who cohabitated and subsequently got married, consider that Z is the average amount of time that they stay married before divorcing or dying.

Z necessarily must be sometime less than X, ideally Z=X-Y, althings being equal.

Therefore, statistically, that an end of marriage occurs statistically more frequently for cohabitants than non-cohabitants is guaranteed.

Isn't this obvious?

In less mathy ways, it's just the inevitable result that on average, people who cohabitate get married later on than people who married first and moved in second.

Back to the wine now.

-jM
A&D
 
Last edited:

TrIbAlNuT

TRIBE Member
I know of several couples that have lived together for years and years and have absolutely no interest in getting married. Some people don’t require recognition of their exclusive relationship from a religious or civil body to make it official. I look at marriage as a strictly religious covenant; it isn’t the only type of union which dictates an exclusive emotional and physical bond between two people.
 

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
^^^ But of course! (Jeffsus)

If it weren't so, the best thing to do would be to choose a partner randomly, get married but don't cohabitate for a number of years (best not to even see each other at all), THEN cohabitate... that would guarantee you'd never get divorced... according to the 'stats' presented by studies!
 
tribe cannabis accessories silver grinders

Big Harv

TRIBE Member
PosTMOd said:
Have you been subjected to anything outside of a Leave It To Beaver existence? Divorce, death, abuse, parents who shouldn't be together, poverty, anything?

Starting a thread about it, and asking others who have more than likely done nothing but shared your experiences with nothing isn't going to help too much... if you could--for a minute--shake off the feeling that I am merely trolling, and read between the lines, read not just what is written, but how it's written, and what is actually not written, you would gain a helluva lot more.
I started the thread to ask questions about the issue because (1) I am in a situation in my relationship with a woman whom I eventually plan on marrying because I want to spend the rest of my life with her, (2) we might move in together in a few months and (3) I wanted to understand the underlying reasons behing the studies and tales that held that premarital cohabitation could cause future marital discord. By starting this thread, I'm admitting I want to understand this issue because yes my life has been pretty Leave it to Beaver and have lived it by the "straight and narrow". Many people on this thread, including you, have provided good insight into (a) why the studies are statistically flawed and (b) disrgearding the flaws, why some marriages theoretically and in reality have the potential to fail and why premarital cohabitation could be one of the causes in their particular circumstances.
 

Ms. Fit

TRIBE Member
NemIsis said:
Haven't read the rest of the thread, but I did have to comment here..

Been married for ten years, now divorced (never co-habitated with my ex beforehand). Why is co-habitation not 'necessarily' a life-long commitment? I agree that many ppl choose to co-habitat for financial and emotional reasons and probably end up married because, 'Why not, it's worked so far?' Only to finally wake up to the 'til death do us part'... I don't think a piece of paper or ceremony should have that much power.

I do agree with Agent Smith and..do I have to?, unfortunately (God, do I really??), agree with Post Mod :eek: :p .. We have bumped heads many times, but he is right on the little things. If you can't get that together, you are so screwed with the larger issues..

Commitment is Commitment. I think ppl who casually decide to live together and then fall into marriage because of the fear of losing stability and everything they are comfortable with...will.. fail.

But those who feel strongly about marriage and the commitment they feel towards one another, whether previously co-habitated or not, will succeed.

I also think those who feel strongly about living together forever without the 'benefit' (or cost, or religious implication) of any ceremony..will also succeed.
you mentioned in other threads how much you miss your ex's bling. i'm not saying it's wrong, i don't blame you. i heart marriage. marriage = legal merging of assets.
 

gsnuff

TRIBE Promoter
marcinm said:
If you are unable to form a good idea of what a person is like by dating them and spending time with them them for a certain amount of time, then that's your fault.
This is so naive that it is almost cute! Based off most of what you post around here I don't know if I would be so ready to trust my powers of "observation" if I were you!

Wow.. every now and then I come across a thread on tribe that scares me by how conservative it is. Who the fuck talks about stats in light of personal decisions?

What is wrong with a test drive? If you are into the person dive into them and if things fall apart then so be it.
 

Big Harv

TRIBE Member
gsnuff said:
This is so naive that it is almost cute! Based off most of what you post around here I don't know if I would be so ready to trust my powers of "observation" if I were you!

Wow.. every now and then I come across a thread on tribe that scares me by how conservative it is. Who the fuck talks about stats in light of personal decisions?

What is wrong with a test drive? If you are into the person dive into them and if things fall apart then so be it.
If your goal is a long-term happy relationship with that person, you want to maximize the probability that it will happen and minimize the risks of ruining it.
 

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
Ms. Fit said:
you mentioned in other threads how much you miss your ex's bling. i'm not saying it's wrong, i don't blame you. i heart marriage. marriage = legal merging of assets.
YEAH, screw love and all that shit... SHOW ME THE MONEY!
 
tribe cannabis goldsmith - gold cannabis accessories

Pyrovitae

TRIBE Member
big harv

if you love your girlfriend and eventually plan to spend the rest of your life with her, as you said, do you really think statistics regarding premarital cohabitation and the likelihood of divorce are relevant?

i've never known someone to take that into account when considering a decision such as you're now faced with. i think it really depends on your personal circumstances, situation and how much you value your relationship prior to living together, don't you think?
 

MissBlu

TRIBE Member
This thread and some of the opinions in here make me sad.

It is really no wonder why relationships don't last. Some people have these perfect ideas on how things should be in their perfect world. I think that if people were a little more open to making things work rather then the right or wrong or what-it-could-possibly-do-to-my-relationship-ten-years-from-now-
OMG it's my way or the highway attitide the world would be a better place.

My idealist ideas may freak some people out. I just hope some people dont question the happy state of what there relationships are in because some people are stuck in the past or concerned about what may or may not happened based on a few studies, where we dont even know if the people where happy to begin with.

Whatever floats your boat, really. But don't try and sink others because you think it's morally wrong or are worried about your own future.
 

Ms. Fit

TRIBE Member
MissBlu said:
This thread and some of the opinions in here make me sad.

It is really no wonder why relationships don't last. Some people have these perfect ideas on how things should be in their perfect world. I think that if people were a little more open to making things work rather then the right or wrong or what-it-could-possibly-do-to-my-relationship-ten-years-from-now-
OMG it's my way or the highway attitide the world would be a better place.

My idealist ideas may freak some people out. I just hope some people dont question the happy state of what there relationships are in because some people are stuck in the past or concerned about what may or may not happened based on a few studies, where we dont even know if the people where happy to begin with.

Whatever floats your boat, really. But don't try and sink others because you think it's morally wrong or are worried about your own future.
i don't think it's wrong to co-habit before marriage!!!!!!!!!! it's just not my personal preference...that may change in six months..who knows!

i could doom myself saying that because my parents are divorced, i will be too, according to stats, so what's the point of even trying marriage...but yeah you do what feels right. end of story.
 
tribe cannabis goldsmith - gold cannabis accessories

MissBlu

TRIBE Member
Big Harv said:
If your goal is a long-term happy relationship with that person, you want to maximize the probability that it will happen and minimize the risks of ruining it.
Head Explodes.

Agent Smith said:
This thread makes me want to give my balls a hundred papercuts and pour lemon juice all over them.
 

MissBlu

TRIBE Member
Ms. Fit said:
i don't think it's wrong to co-habit before marriage!!!!!!!!!! it's just not my personal preference...that may change in six months..who knows!

i could doom myself saying that because my parents are divorced, i will be too, according to stats, so what's the point of even trying marriage...but yeah you do what feels right. end of story.
Not directed to you, just a general comment.
 
tribe cannabis goldsmith - gold cannabis accessories

gsnuff

TRIBE Promoter
Big Harv said:
If your goal is a long-term happy relationship with that person, you want to maximize the probability that it will happen and minimize the risks of ruining it.


Please note the maroon line (which is the happiness index of the couple that doesn't cohabit) as opposed to the other colours (which is the happiness index of various couples living together). The maroon starts out a little below but ultimately reigns supreme.

Way to maximize your emotional investment maroon couple!
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
Ms. Fit said:
you mentioned in other threads how much you miss your ex's bling. i'm not saying it's wrong, i don't blame you. i heart marriage. marriage = legal merging of assets.
I think you totally misinterpretd what I wrote??
Have no idea how you got that from it..:confused:

Anyway, it was the other way around by the way.. I had the inheritance :)

Couldn't care less how much a person makes, as long as he loves what he does and is good at it. So much easier to go home to someone who is happy :p
 

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
NemIsis said:
I think you totally misinterpretd what I wrote??
Have no idea how you got that from it..:confused:
If I had a nickel for every time that I thought that here on tribe, I'd be a fucking billionaire. And Ms. Fit would be knocking at the door in a wedding gown ;)
 

Big Harv

TRIBE Member
Pyrovitae said:
big harv

if you love your girlfriend and eventually plan to spend the rest of your life with her, as you said, do you really think statistics regarding premarital cohabitation and the likelihood of divorce are relevant?

i've never known someone to take that into account when considering a decision such as you're now faced with. i think it really depends on your personal circumstances, situation and how much you value your relationship prior to living together, don't you think?
I agree with your comment about personal circumstances

I do think this discussion is relevant though as I want to learn from other people's experiences and if there's something I'm missing about common risks of living together before getting hitched then I want to know about it.
 
tribe cannabis goldsmith - gold cannabis accessories
Top