y'know, I have a machete-style carving knife here. It's great for carving up whole watermelon and dead rabbits.
I also have a double-bladed handheld meat-tenderizer.
Both I keep handy in my kitchen, because a) I actually use them for prepping food
and b) they'll come in handy should some crackhead idiot try to break into my apartment. DoubleBladed knucklebomb to the cheekbones. BAM!