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People with poor (or nonexistent) table manners

diablo

TRIBE Member
I can't describe how much this bothers me.

It's one thing when it's a child or some retard adolescent, but when I have to share a table with adults who have the table manners of a hyena, it annoys me to no end.

If you are over the age of 14 and/or possess a grade 10 education, please refrain from the following:

- gulping your food like you're afraid someone's going to steal in in ten seconds, causing you to pant like you're running a marathon
- using your hands to eat things that you should eat with a knife and fork (e.g. pancakes, kalamari, any type of meat besides chicken wings)
- blowing on your food and sending little bits of it flying! Just wait ten seconds for it to cool off!
- pawing all the other pieces of bread/pizza/timbits before selecting the one you want. UGH!
- chugging your drink in one go and/or leaning back and tilting the glass 180 degrees upside down to get every last drop. This looks especially bad with a glass of wine
- slurping anything except a bowl of exceptionally long noodles
- chewing with your mouth open or talking while chewing! Did people not have mothers to tell them how gross this is?
- excessive smacking
- blowing your nose at the table. Extra disgusting if you drop the kleenex onto your empty plate.
- trying something, realising that you don't like it, and spitting the nasty chewed ball back onto your plate! Just swallow one bite, you fucking disgusting baby!

I've left meal tables on numerous occasions to keep my head from exploding when the person next to me is doing one or more of these things.
 

kaniz

TRIBE Member
I like to pick my nose, eat it (but not swallow) then spit it across the table and see if I can hit someone on the forehead.

is that rude?

*note: I'd add chicken fingers to list of meat-allowed-fingerable-foods
 

dicksherwood

TRIBE Member
its poor breeding old chap
terrible really
those people have no couth
a blight on society if you ask me
ah ah ah ah
oh look I dropped my monocle in my sherry
is it horribly indecent to fish it out?
 

ndrwrld

TRIBE Member
diablo said:
I can't describe how much this bothers me.
1 - using your hands to eat things that you should eat with a knife and fork (e.g. pancakes, kalamari, any type of meat besides chicken wings)
2 - slurping anything except a bowl of exceptionally long noodles
1 = different cultures eat differently...dont like it...eat at home.
2 = it's my cereal and i'll slurp if i want to.
 

ravinjunkie

TRIBE Member
this is my most favourite thread on tribe. ever.


I have been put off by many guys due to lack of bad terribly disgusting table manners.

I only put up with this once, and that relationship didn't even work out.


Seriously.

There is a certain way to hold your cultery properly.

I'm not fucking perfect myself but good god, at least i'm not some wild uncouth animal when it comes to eating at a dinner table.

<<shudder x a million>>

ch33se ch33se ch33se


peelthis are you out there reading this?

haahha
 
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ravinjunkie

TRIBE Member
ndrwrld said:
1 = different cultures eat differently...dont like it...eat at home.
2 = it's my cereal and i'll slurp if i want to.
I can learn how to behave according to other people's cultures.

Should be vice versa.


yeah slurp, sputter, burp, spew. whatever do it at home.

NOT in front of someone you just met.

NOT in public.


SO SRSLY, who the fuck eats wings on their first date?
 

diablo

TRIBE Member
ndrwrld said:
1 = different cultures eat differently...dont like it...eat at home.
2 = it's my cereal and i'll slurp if i want to.
1. This is the western world, not the Afghani hinterland.
2. You'll die alone.

Seriously, who the fuck slurps cereal?!? That's like blowing bubbles with poutine gravy.
 

ndrwrld

TRIBE Member
diablo said:
Seriously, who the fuck slurps cereal?!? That's like blowing bubbles with poutine gravy.
it was meant to be funny...guess i failed.
i dont order cereal at a restaurant.
 
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kaniz

TRIBE Member
diablo said:
1. This is the western world, not the Afghani hinterland.
2. You'll die alone.

Seriously, who the fuck slurps cereal?!? That's like blowing bubbles with poutine gravy.
omg, slurping the milk from cereal is THE BEST.you're a fool!
its all nice and sweet and has been flavoured by whatever cereal you've had in it

really, you just toss that shit out? your missing out.
 

kmac

TRIBE Member
diablo said:
I can't describe how much this bothers me.

- gulping your food like you're afraid someone's going to steal in in ten seconds, causing you to pant like you're running a marathon
Yep. Or when a person eats prison style (eating with a fork in one hand, guarding the plate with a knife in the other hand), unless, of course, they are in prison.
 
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ndrwrld

TRIBE Member
diablo said:
Back to the barn.

Calamari is greasy bits of seafood. Grilled or fried, there is no excuse.
youre as much fun as a kick in the junk.
thank god i'll never share a dinner table with you.
i'd have to bring duct tape to shut your trap.
 

NemIsis

TRIBE Member
I consider any kind of fried/BBQ'd chicken a finger food..:D (As long as it has bones)..breasts? No.. Fork please!!

But I have to agree.. My mom brought me up with strict rules.. Couldn't even put my elbows on the table!! While that doesn't bother me, grabbing your fork like it's a tool in the palm of a meaty handgrip makes me cringe..

Also, please don't talk while you still have half of your salad, meat, pasta still visible in the cavity you call a mouth!!;)

Cheerio Old chap!
 

diablo

TRIBE Member
Lovely N Amazin said:
who eats chicken drumsticks with a knife and fork?
It's not that hard. :rolleyes:

If you're eating at a backyard barbecue, it's one thing...it's another at a sit-down meal or in a restaurant.
 
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Lovely N Amazin

TRIBE Member
oooooh, thanks for the clarification mr dining room etiquette. ;)

what about ribs? are you the kind of retard that eats ribs with a knife and fork at a restaurant?
 

dyad

TRIBE Member
I am also picky about table manners. This is likely because formal English table etiquette was drilled into my head by means of knuckle rapping as a wee one by my evil Grannie.

There are many finger foods designed to be such, as well as it is proper to use the fingers with any kind of foul, should the need arise to remove bones. This is why finger bowls were invented. Asparagus and artichoke are also intended for finger eating.

Other than that point your list is well compiled.
 

bblutoo

TRIBE Member
dyad said:
There are many finger foods designed to be such, as well as it is proper to use the fingers with any kind of foul, should the need arise to remove bones. This is why finger bowls were invented. Asparagus and artichoke are also intended for finger eating.
almost sounds like it came outta Joy Of Cooking
 
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