Parents and alcohol

[Jennika]

After years of not addressing the situation, I found out today that my mom is probably leaving my dad because of his drinking.

He is not a mean or violent drunk ever, in fact when he drinks he ususally just gets goofy and friendly. But h drinks a lot, and a lot at work (he owns his own artists studio and everyone is used to him drinking there)... the worst part is that I'm the office manager at his work, so when he's trying not to let my mom know he's drinking he drinks more at work and less at home, but than I get stuck in the position whether to tell my mom or not...
and to see it happening

My mom is tired of him coming home drunk and worrying about him drinking and driving, and she feels like she has lost the man she fell so head over heals in love with.

I love him so much too, but he is not himself when he drinks...

I never thought at 26 that my parents would separate... especially since they do love each other so so so much still


But he gets mad at us when we say anything to him about it, says that we are trying to control him and not letting him "be himself"

this all just happened so suddenly...

and all my roomies are out record shopping so I have no one to talk to

 

[Aphrodite]

hang in there Jen. it must be very painful to watch him mess up his life. but it's never too late for someone to change.. maybe you should tell him that.

has the whole family sat down to talk about it with him? what are those things called again?

 

[rejenerate]

I'm sorry to hear this. I hate what alcohol and drugs can do to people. It seems that your family has seen changes in your dad but he's in denial. Maybe you can suggest somewhere/someone he can go to for help? And also find some resources for your family if you feel it's needed.

Keep loving your dad but make it clear to him why your family worries, what their concerns are, what they see etc. Maybe he'll come around...maybe not now, but eventually.

Best of luck!

~jen

 

[rejenerate]

Originally posted by Aphrodite
has the whole family sat down to talk about it with him? what are those things called again?

An intervention.

~jen

 

[Jennika]

I think you mean an intervention, yes.. in fact all the guys where we work tried to talk to him last summer... but he just looks really sad and doesn't say much... than he stops drinking for a few weeks and everyone feels better and than slowly one beer at a time he will start again.

this last time, I got mad at him about it and asked him to stop or at least cut down drinking all the time at work... he didn't even hear me he just tuned out.

ironically, all i want to do right now is sit on my deck and get really drunk

 

[Libradragon]

sorry to hear that, jennika.

 

[Jennika]

Originally posted by rejenerate
[BMaybe you can suggest somewhere/someone he can go to for help? And also find some resources for your family if you feel it's needed.
~jen [/B]

thanks, good advice... just this week mym mom has started going to AA meetings for families of alcoholics... I hope that helps her since she is really hurting.

 

[Aphrodite]

*sigh*

it's hard to decide what's best - stick it out, making sure he knows he's loved(and in the mean time be hurt from his actions) or, say enough is enough and he'll have to change if he wants to be a part of the family.

My Aunt left my uncle for his drinking and chronic weed smoking. after she left, he somehow snapped out of it. realizing what he had down he picked up his life.

but with someone drinking A LOT it's hard for their bodies to adjust to sobriety. never mind the mental mountain of dealing with the pain you're hiding.

I think it would be a shame if the familly fell apart becuase of his alcohal abuse if the family didn't take charge and have a serious intervention.

it has to be done.

 

[Jennika]

thanks so much Aphrodite, that's good to hear...
my dad is a total pothead too...

it's funny since all my friends think he's so cool since he's always up for smoking a joint and offering a beer,

I tihnk he's save-able, he just has to at least acknowledge that it's a problem, since whenever he "quits" for a few weeks he he does it to make other people happy and prove everything is fine, not because he really thinks there is a problem...

 

[mingster]

That sounds really tough, Jennika.
One of the hard things about being young adults is when you start to see your parents as people instead of just as your parents. It changes alot of the comforts we feel. And rely on. Like somehow when they don't have to take care of us anymore, their lives change.

I'm watching my parents grow up.
And it's hard to accept that they aren't perfect.

Hang in there.

Ming.