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Only In New York

deep

TRIBE Member
I love this site

"Lady: ...and a half-pound of roasted brussels sprouts with peas.

Counter guy: Those are actually pearl onions, ma'am.

Lady: Well, the sign says peas.

Counter guy: I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, but the person who made that sign is an idiot...No really, that's her over there. Complete dipshit."
 

stir-fry

TRIBE Member
That Means They're Both the Evil One

Woman #1: Oh, look over there... that is just tragic.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Ugly twins.

--15th & 5th


this reminds me of my brother last week.. my buddy was working these 2 girls at the bar and my bro says "they said they're twins.. but that one's ugly, i think only the other one is a twin"
 

stir-fry

TRIBE Member
wtf

White girl: That's terrible! The only thing I want my kids to be that I'm not is half-black.

--Columbia University
 

kaniz

TRIBE Member
Queer #1: I've been feeling so gross lately. I wonder if it's because I've been having so much ass sex.
Queer #2: Gross like a whore?
Queer #1: No. Like, every time you shit your poop gets rubbed into your ass wounds. Maybe it's making me sick...What? It's like rubbing your papercuts in Bombay sewer water.
 

freshest1

TRIBE Member
Guy #1: Yeah man, she's kind of a hippie. I mean, her name is Maple.
Guy #2: Maple? You should tap that shit.
 

stir-fry

TRIBE Member
Suit: Yeah, last week I looked good, I even had my hair done...you know...all straight...the Japanese way.

--Office, Old Slip
 

deep

TRIBE Member
I wish they had archives

Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in beeyotch."

Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?
 

BlueEyedMonster

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by freshest1
Guy #1: Yeah man, she's kind of a hippie. I mean, her name is Maple.
Guy #2: Maple? You should tap that shit.

Hahahah

On my vacation in August there actually is a girl named Maple who worked at the visitor center in Bon Echo
 

JOSHB

TRIBE Member
Today on bus in Ft. Green, Brooklyn:


11 year old black girl 1: so you like him?
11 year-old black girl 2: yea but only for the "privlegiz"
1: the what?
2: you know, he a friend wit privligiz.
1: so you like him
2: HELL NO! jus tha privligiz
1: oh, word
 

deep

TRIBE Member
Stoner #1: So this fucking idiot was like, "Communism is the way, comrade." And I was like, "Okay then, give me your shirt." And he was like, "What, man?" And I was like, "If everything's fifty-fifty, let's just switch shirts for the day."

Stoner #2: What'd he say then?

Stoner #1: He was like, "You got me, comrade. I need to think this one over." And I was like, "Fuck yeah, you communist fuck." Yeah, I told that guy all right.
 

Booty Bits

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by deep
I wish they had archives

Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in beeyotch."

Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?
!!!!!
 

Eclectic

TRIBE Member
Cashier in Jack's 99 Cent store: Here's your change, 62-cents
Woman: But I just gave you $62, and since everything here costs $1, how come you're giving me 62 cents back?
Cashier: Everything here is 99-cents
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah
 

kat

TRIBE Member
haha reminds me of the conversation i overheard at lunch today

russian guy 1: haha my mortgage is slower than your mortgage

russian guy 2: its like how they say in that movie, thats like star wars..but isnt. and they say schwartz.

russian girl: what? i didnt like star wars.

russian guy 2: this other movie is hilarious, its like they all have big helmets and combs and instead of the force they say schwartz.

then they went on for about 20 minutes giving the most unfunny, but detailed descriptions of spaceballs.
 

[SQUARE]

TRIBE Member
ok this is damn funny and sounds like a deep conversation that i'd have with a friend...

Drunk dude: I've always wanted a pet bee. You know? That would be so cool. To have a pet bee. I'd take it for a walk every day and show it to the neighbors. And they'd be so amazed that I had a pet bee!
Guy #1: How would you take a bee for a walk?
Drunk dude: I'd tie a little string around its neck. Like a leash, you know?
Guy #2: I didn't know that bees had a neck.

--LIRR


Overheard by: Eric Roitman
 

Lovely N Amazin

TRIBE Member
Red State Girl: Is that a hammer in your bag?
Dealer: Yeah. It's a metaphor. 'Cause Jesus was a carpenter, see. And I walk with Jesus.
Red State Girl: Oh.

--29th Street & 7th Ave.

-----


Jewess: That's the third time you mentioned Jews. What's wrong with Jews?
Goy: They are demanding, confrontational, and have a hard time telling the truth. What religion are you, anyway?
Jewess: Uh...Baptist.

--Times Square

------

The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other. He says: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter?

He sprays the windex.

Hobo: Or Spring?

He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.

Japanese girl: Spring!
Hobo: You are correct.

--F train
 

bucky

TRIBE Member
March 31, 2005
The Question On Everybody's Lips

Guy #1: Aw...
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: That Terri Schiavo, the one with the feeding tube. She died.
Guy #2: Yeah, that's too bad...I wonder what would happen if you were to blow air through the feeding tube. Do you think she would fart?

--The Westminster lobby, 20th & 7th
 

kat

TRIBE Member
Chick #1: Hoboken just sounds dirty to me.
Chick #2: Why? Because like, "hobos"?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Chick #2: Well, it's uplifting. Like, "hobos can!" get their lives together. It's not called "hobo can't."

--9th Street PATH station


awesome.
 

mondo

TRIBE Promoter
Originally posted by Eclectic
Cashier in Jack's 99 Cent store: Here's your change, 62-cents
Woman: But I just gave you $62, and since everything here costs $1, how come you're giving me 62 cents back?
Cashier: Everything here is 99-cents
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah



...Jack's has hot girls in there all the time buying food.
 

unique2100

TRIBE Promoter
lol @ White girl: That's terrible! The only thing I want my kids to be that I'm not is half-black.

--Columbia University
 
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