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Online Dating sites from a guys perspective

Hawk Eye

TRIBE Member
hey guys :)

I figured I would do some research.. My friends keep telling me to go on online dating sites.. ughhh Right now I don't have much time but soon i will.. so i figured i'd pose this question to all of you.

What do you guys typically look for when you are browsing the profiles?
Do you guys read them? or do you just look at photos?

Just curious bc I think most ppl on these sites have no interest in wanting to date anyone, they're just looking for hook ups. Do you guys get intimidated if a girl is athletic? bc when I read the guys profile, they always ask for 'athletic'.. except I think they just mean a girl who should look like someone from the cover page of Maxim and not someone who actually IS athletic.

What do you think?

I feel that online dating sites are such a waste of time!
 

alexd

Administrator
Staff member
hey guys :)

I figured I would do some research.. My friends keep telling me to go on online dating sites.. ughhh Right now I don't have much time but soon i will.. so i figured i'd pose this question to all of you.

What do you guys typically look for when you are browsing the profiles?
Do you guys read them? or do you just look at photos?

Just curious bc I think most ppl on these sites have no interest in wanting to date anyone, they're just looking for hook ups. Do you guys get intimidated if a girl is athletic? bc when I read the guys profile, they always ask for 'athletic'.. except I think they just mean a girl who should look like someone from the cover page of Maxim and not someone who actually IS athletic.

What do you think?

I feel that online dating sites are such a waste of time!
Hawkeye, every time you post the screen fills with Fitness Singles ads dropped into the site by the adsense algorythms. Maybe you should sign up for that one first!
 
When it comes to online dating, be yourself is the best advice that you can get offered. Be honest, don't apologize for being yourself and make sure you state exactly what you're wanting out of the dating site and what you're looking for in a companion/mate/whatever.

You're likely to get people that will look only at the pictures, and generally those are the people to avoid, as they're more than likely interested in the short term (unless that's what you want, then by all means go for it).
 
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djfear

TRIBE Member
(1) Be yourself
(2) Be honest
(3) Say exactly what you expect & want
(4) Being unsure of yourself, and low self-esteem is a huge turn off for all guys
(5) First impressions count, so use a nice pic that can be viewed nicely on a smart phone at the least.

From my experience and from what I hear, it's all the guys doing all the first messages. That being said, I am now living with my current gf of 5 months whom I met on OK Cupid, a week after I messed up my ankle and was on crutches no less!

Oh, and if a dude is intimidated by your athleticism then you probably don't want to date him anyway. At the same time, you also need to make time for dating though, and if you're too busy with all of your athletic activities then you won't be able to keep anyone either.
 

alexd

Administrator
Staff member
Oh, and if a dude is intimidated by your athleticism then you probably don't want to date him anyway. At the same time, you also need to make time for dating though, and if you're too busy with all of your athletic activities then you won't be able to keep anyone either.
This is what I have said before too. It sounds like Hawk Eye is in kind of a double bind (or maybe even in a triple bind): She's super active so no time for dating, people who have similar interests and who might be considered potential partners are also super active and have no time for dating. She's not sure whether to free up schedule from athletic busyness to open up space for a potential partner as it is speculative and the other stuff is guaranteed.

I remember dating a girl a while ago who was so busy that she had to schedule our times together in a planner like 2 weeks in advance. Her whole life was determined by this book and I often wondered what panic would ensue if she lost it... That relationship didn't last long LOL.

Relationships need time to grow organically from a place of nothingness and heavily structured lives do not lend well to that.

Anything is possible though (disclaimer).
 

WestsideWax

TRIBE Promoter
She's asked this question before, in other threads. Answering your question with a question - why, in the first place, would you date someone who's intimidated by you in any way, or vice versa? Sounds like a recipe for torture to me.

If you really want a viable, long-lasting relationship, slow down. Truly healthy relationships are centred around mutual respect, shared values and patience. The last of the three begins in your search - do you really feel you're going to find a heart connection with someone while staring at your screen?

The internet offers a quick fix for everything, and would be the last place I'd want to look for a partner. I can attest to the fact that many moons ago (and probably now as well) it was great for hookups, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're looking for.
 
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Hawk Eye

TRIBE Member
Tks. sorry I forgot to reply to this thread! I'm going to take a break from paddling for a bit as it is time consuming so that I can date.. and what AlexD said hit the nail on the head! I find online to be a waste of my time but it seems that's the way to go now. Once paddling season is over i'm going to be more aggressive with it.. I just dont want it to feel like a job interview! ugh!!
 

Sal De Ban

TRIBE Member
Do you guys get intimidated if a girl is athletic?
no - but guys can get pretty annoyed when a girl talks about being athletic - it starts to sound like bullshit. The more talk, the less I believe - like they're just saying it in hopes that one day they will become athletic by accident. Don't talk about it, just be it. Nobody worthwhile in their 30s wants a work in progress. If you're not athletic, don't sweat it. If you are athletic, you'll be confident enough that you won't need to shout it out.
 

Sal De Ban

TRIBE Member
kids are awesome! you show up at easter, give them chocolate, say "how is my favourite niece doing?", play some game they invented, and then go back home when you're tired!
 
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Bacchus

TRIBE Promoter
(1) Be yourself
(2) Be honest
(3) Say exactly what you expect & want
(4) Being unsure of yourself, and low self-esteem is a huge turn off for all guys
(5) First impressions count, so use a nice pic that can be viewed nicely on a smart phone at the least.

From my experience and from what I hear, it's all the guys doing all the first messages. That being said, I am now living with my current gf of 5 months whom I met on OK Cupid, a week after I messed up my ankle and was on crutches no less!

Oh, and if a dude is intimidated by your athleticism then you probably don't want to date him anyway. At the same time, you also need to make time for dating though, and if you're too busy with all of your athletic activities then you won't be able to keep anyone either.
that.

although, funny enough - my fiancée says my picture selection on OKC was awful, but my profile was nice enough that she decided to give me a change
 

Hawk Eye

TRIBE Member
no - but guys can get pretty annoyed when a girl talks about being athletic - it starts to sound like bullshit. The more talk, the less I believe - like they're just saying it in hopes that one day they will become athletic by accident. Don't talk about it, just be it. Nobody worthwhile in their 30s wants a work in progress. If you're not athletic, don't sweat it. If you are athletic, you'll be confident enough that you won't need to shout it out.
that's so true, except I never had anything to talk about bc all I did was Dragon Boating.. So I talked a lot about working out lol I'm not as bad as I used to be though :)
 

erika

TRIBE Member
The latest issue of the Walrus has a lengthy and quite interesting article about the internet/sex/intimacy/connection. No, you can't read it online, it just came out in real form.
 
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Sal De Ban

TRIBE Member
Either way, good luck hawk eye. don't look for anything aggressively, except fun. Pursue that as aggressively as possible!
 

Beer babe

TRIBE Member
I don't see why it's an issue if someone doesn't want to date someone that has kids. It's for some people and not for others.
 

Hawk Eye

TRIBE Member
There's your first problem.

I meant like go on the online dating site and actually go on dates. that's what i meant by aggressive.

However right now i'm talking to this really cute guy at work and i'm going to see if he wants to do something nxt weekend :)
 

erika

TRIBE Member
Hawk Eye, this may be a possible solution as well:

Thanks to a matchmaker,

(and check some of the related links in the story)

Sofi Papamarko remembers the moment she decided to become a matchmaker.

It happened while watching a friend dance to a Tina Turner song at a birthday party last spring. “I realized that someone I knew would absolutely love her, and I connected them a few days later as an experiment,” the 33-year-old Toronto resident recalls. “I wanted to see if my intuition was right.”

It was. She drew up a business plan for Friend of a Friend Matchmaking the day after the couple’s successful first date.

Her goal: offering personalized, affordable matchmaking for people like, well, her – “artists, writers, musicians, students.” While many matchmaking services run upward of thousands of dollars, $99 gets you six months and two matches from Papamarko’s roster, which includes approximately 200 singles. Her approach is personal, and thus, miles away from the murky world of online dating. She meets and talks extensively with each person that signs up, and draws connections between potential matches.

I decide to try the service to get myself out of a sort of personal dry spell. I’m 32 and after several years of focusing on my high-pressure career, I’ve been left with a string of hookups with guys that, for one reason or another, just didn’t stick. The Friend of a Friend approach appeals to me, both as a busy professional who doesn’t always have time to manhunt, and as someone who is horrified by the needle-in-a-haystack vibe of looking for love on a dating site.

The first step is filling out a lengthy survey with questions like, “What is your worst habit?” As a chatty Gemini, I am comfortable talking about myself, so explaining what I’m all about is no problem. Where I do stumble is on the questions that ask what I’m looking for in a man, something, I realize, I haven’t thought about in a long time. I send off the finished survey and set up the second part of the FOAF process – a one-on-one meeting with my yenta.

With her pin-up girl bangs and huge warm smile, Papamarko is a disarming presence. As she sips peppermint tea and I nurse a much-needed pint of beer, I find myself in tears telling her about two recent heartbreaks. The conversation isn’t easy, with Papamarko grilling me about what went wrong and why, but it’s enormously cathartic, and by the time we talk about what I’m looking for, it’s a lot easier to answer that question. For the purposes of my deadline, Papamarko forwards me the names, ages and tweet-length mini bios of three bachelors within 48 hours of our meeting. She introduces me to each prospective suitor via e-mail by sending us a joint note, and we are left to take it from there. Suddenly I have three dates where there were none. Sweet.

The first date is the scariest, partly because I’m rusty at dating and partly because we decide to go bowling. Mike is a 39-year-old comedian and actor who is clearly comfortable in the spotlight. He outbowls me easily, and confesses that he has spent some time practising his form while performing on cruise ships. While this isn’t a love connection, Mike is fun, easy to talk to and a gentleman. The experience leaves me encouraged, and much less nervous, for my two remaining dates.

The next one is a cocktail date at a bar that is probably too hip for me with a guy who, at first look, seems too cool for me as well. Corey is handsome, sharply dressed in a vest and tie, and quick-witted in the manner of Jimmy Fallon. We talk for five hours before grudgingly admitting that, seeing as it’s Tuesday night, we should probably part ways. He texts me the next day, and we make plans to see each other again. Suddenly I’m dating, like a real dater!

My meet-up with bachelor No. 3 is another first: a daytime lunch on a workday. A 28-year-old advertiser and filmmaker, Cam is tall and affable, but he reminds me of my brother, and our outing has an immediate platonic vibe.

Looking back on the three dates, I realize the experience has been not only painless, but actually fun. I enjoyed meeting new people – especially straight men, each of whom I had at least one thing in common with. Papamarko’s involvement took a lot of anxiety out of the equation, which allowed me to concentrate on whether I was having a good time, possibly the most important thing to think about when you’re starting something new.

That weekend, Corey and I go out again and have another five-hour conversation that feels like five minutes. A few days later, I reach out to Papamarko one more time and ask her what made her match me with each of the three men. Her explainers range from “you mentioned your crush on Louis CK” to “you both work in media.” She’s curious about my perceptions of the dates, and I kind of want to dish to her over martinis, but have to remind myself that she’s not an actual pal, though after the experience, she feels like one. At the end of the day, this was a business transaction. But a solid investment, it’s safe to say.
 
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