oh dear. ikea "malm" bed - no instructions for assembly! aidez moi!

[JESuX]

alright, so this is a pretty popular bed - i'm sure there are some tribers out there who can empathize with putting this mofo together.

my problem is this: it's a second generation ikea product (thanks, starr!) and i have no instructions for this badbwoy.

i've got it pretty much together, but wow, there are a LOT of extra long screws and generally interesting bits that i have no idea what to do with.

can anyone lend a hand?

i tried searching google for a .pdf of the instructions (obviously, i'm a couple steps ahead of ikea on the brilliance of this idea) and no luck... short of making bad jewelry with these extra pieces, does anyone have any suggestions?



thanks

 

[Wiseman]

you know you would think there would be downloadable instructions somewhere but I just googled that and it seems no such luck.

 

[Flashy_McFlash]

Swedish people are notoriously gullible. If the thing's not discontinued, you could probably go into the store and say that it didn't come with instructions, and they will probably hook you up.

I just remembered that my father did this once.

 

[JESuX]

yeah, seriously! god damn those overly organized swedish fuckholes...

i bet you they have a "GRASSSBENDOR" storage unit available for $59.00 that was specifically made to store all of your IKEA instruction leaflets.

:|

 

[videotronic]

what you need to do first is put the long metal frames along the sideboards so they stick out like a little lip towards the inside...the inside is the flat side with the 2 holes, one big one small...

take the sideboards and insert the little wood pins into the ends, 3 in each end..the sideboards have 2 little holes on one side...the small hole goes at the head of the bed, the large one at the foot and the side with those holes has to point in

start with that and ill be back on the next american idol commercial

 

[JESuX]

Swedish people are notoriously gullible. If the thing's not discontinued, you could probably go into the store and say that it didn't come with instructions, and they will probably hook you up.

I just remembered that my father did this once.

"vell vere is your receipt? vat's daaaat? you losssssssssst eeet? vy, if you had purchased ze ikea "BINDEBOTTEN" receipt holder for just nineteen dohhhhlars, you never vood have had zis problem!"

 

[Flashy_McFlash]

It does seem counterintuitive that a company like IKEA wouldn't have downloadable pdf's of their instructions.

Fucking Swedes and their fake cranberry juice. What the hell is a lingonberry?

 

[JESuX]

what you need to do first is put the long metal frames along the sideboards so they stick out like a little lip towards the inside...the inside is the flat side with the 2 holes, one big one small...

take the sideboards and insert the little wood pins into the ends, 3 in each end..the sideboards have 2 little holes on one side...the small hole goes at the head of the bed, the large one at the foot and the side with those holes has to point in

start with that and ill be back on the next american idol commercial

gahaha!

i've got that far... the whole frame is set up... i just have to put the tracks on the side - and figure out where the reallllly long screws go... and the couple of half-moon shaped brackets, and assorted various bits.

hang on, picture time!

 

[JESuX]

It does seem counterintuitive that a company like IKEA wouldn't have downloadable pdf's of their instructions.

Fucking Swedes and their fake cranberry juice. What the hell is a lingonberry?

they're worse than the nazis, cleansing the world of "disorganized" people.

":0"

 

[starr]

good luck jesux!

i'm sure the ikea store must have instructions if you can't sort it by tonight.

just glad it's being put to use

 

[videotronic]

ok well..if the half moon brackets and long bolts arent being used i question what, if anything, is holding the frame together...haahha

theres a little metall cylinder type thing..it needs to go in the small hole at the top of each sideboard...then you take the very long skinny bolt and insert it in the hole on the back of the headboard...use a flathead screwdriver to make sure the cylinder thingy is flat, and the long bolt will enter the cylinder...you can then screw the bolt in using the allen key proivided...

did you put the bolts into the footboard already? like..can you see them in the large holes at the foot of each sideboard? if so, the C shaped metal brackets go in there with the open end of the C pointing towards the headboard...you can then put the nut on that bolt and tighten it up

oops more idol

 

[Flashy_McFlash]

So is the frame in one piece? Does it look like a bed? If so, just huck the rest of the pieces out the window.

 

[SneakyPete]

Yeah you can just go into the store and ask for the assembly instructions.

 

[JESuX]

here are all the lovely pieces that i don't know what the fuck to do with!

 

[videotronic]

read my last post..all those pieces are explained with the exception of the one on the right

i think that might be something to do with the skinny metal supports that hold up the wood slats... how are they attached right now?

 

[JESuX]

OKAY!

i have figured out the long screws and cylindars with holes!

now, you're saying the half moons are actually sort of like washers for the bolts at the footboard?

if that's so, SUCCESS!

which leaves me with that badbwoy plate thingie... any suggestions on that?

 

[videotronic]

i think that might be something to do with the skinny metal supports that hold up the wood slats... how are they attached right now?

..

 

[videotronic]

that thing goes through the middle of the very large metal support...then the skinny little metal diagonal supports get screwed into it

 

[Flashy_McFlash]

I can't wait to find out what happens next!

(there's nothing on TV)

Will the bed be structurally sound? Will Jess defeat the Swedes? Will I finish this bag of Crispy Minis?

 

[JESuX]

it's done!

whew!

thanks, tribe

 

[cosmosuave]

Ikea: Swedish for missing parts or in your case Swedish for missing instructions....