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[news] fatty poked with forks x 200

deep

TRIBE Member
I'm trying to imagine this scene

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Desperate Diners Attack Trapped Fat Lady With Plastic Forks
Monday November 17, 2003

A FAT WOMAN who got stuck in a restaurant doorway was prodded with forks wielded by her angry fellow diners.

Cops say the woman "squealed and suffered horribly" as a wild-eyed mob jabbed her and hurled cruel insults, including calling her names like "Miss Piggy" and "tub of lard" and taunting her with the childhood rhyme, "Fatty, fatty, two by four, can't get through the bathroom door . . ."

"This unfortunate woman was poked and stabbed at least 200 times and maybe even more," says a Chicago police spokesman, adding that he is both embarrassed and saddened by the insensitivity of his fellow Chicagoans.

"The forks were plastic," he says, "but they still managed to inflict a lot of damage. Doctors later told me the victim looked like a pincushion."

"Basically these people were upset that they couldn't use the rest rooms. The woman was trapped in a doorway that leads to both the men's and ladies' toilets."

The 647-pound woman -- whose name Weekly World News editors are withholding to spare her any further embarrassment -- "was in great distress before she was freed," notes the cop, who says the ugly incident unfolded in a popular barbecue restaurant known, ironically, for its Southern-style hospitality.

"The victim was squealing and crying in pain, not to mention being humiliated, when police and firefighters arrived to help her. They estimate that as many as 40 men and women had taken turns poking her with their forks."

Firefighters cut and pried the by-then exhausted woman free with saws, crowbars and the Jaws of Life, a special tool usually reserved for ripping open car doors to free passengers trapped in wreckage.

She was taken to a hospital where she was treated for puncture wounds, shock and dehydration. Getting through the restaurant's main door was no problem.

In the words of the police spokesman, "It was a double door."

The restaurant's manager says the doorway leading to the rest rooms was "normal size," but in a nod to political correctness after the fact, commented that the woman "had an alternative body image and unfortunately got wedged as she tried to go through."

Cops say her assailants will almost certainly face assault and battery charges after investigators pore over videotape taken from the restaurant's security cameras to help them identify everyone who participated in the bizarre attack.

"When I realized I was stuck I got scared and starting yelling, 'Help! Help me!' " the woman said in a brief interview attended by her attorney. "A server tried to push me through but she couldn't."

"Everything went downhill from there. A man started yelling at me to get out of the way so he could go to the bathroom. Then I heard a woman cursing at me and calling me names like 'fat a--' and 'Miss Piggy.' It was awful."

"And then I felt the forks. They poked me over and over and over and over again. I remember sobbing and yelling at them, 'Why are you doing this to me? Why? Why?'"

An eyewitness who claims to have tried to calm the angry customers confirms the woman's story.

"Thank goodness I had my cell phone. If I hadn't called for help, the fat lady might have been poked and prodded to death."

The victim, 41, says she's planning to sue the restaurant and its patrons for actual and punitive damages in excess of $20,000.
http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/wwn/20031117/106908120003.html
 
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deep

TRIBE Member
yeah, but yahoo posted it as well.

I'm just not sure I can fathom how this situation played out.

How in the fuck could not a single person out of 40 think it might be wrong to oh poke a fat woman repeatedly with plastic forks?
 

kuba

TRIBE Member
I dont feel one ounce of badness for her.

Im evil sometimes though in cases like this.
 

CLUSTER

TRIBE Member
Was that entire report written to sound funny? :D


But seriously, if I saw something like that happening I would be the first to stand there and make it all stop...
That is as long as I was on the 'poking' side of the door, if I was just entering the place and she was wedged in there I would have no idea wtf was going on... :D


Zigg's ;)
 
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~atp~

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by ila
that's fucking retarded.

like lord of the flies retarded.

Exaclty what I was thinking. Poor piggy.


This further proves my point: humans need to be fucking nuked from orbit (which ought to happen soon given the political climate round these parts) or hopefully, Gaia, who at this point must be uber-pissed, decides she's gonna go ahead with the radiation treatment to get rid of the sickening cancer growing all over her skin.
 

Chris

Well-Known TRIBEr
yeah yeah yeah but what the hell is "had an alternative body image and unfortunately got wedged as she tried to go through."
 
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~atp~

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by qtip
I dont feel one ounce of badness for her.

Im evil sometimes though in cases like this.

I don't feel bad for her fatness, I guess...I mean, there's a possibility of it being a genetic disorder, but really, chances are she's fat cuz she bit too hard into the American McDream.


Now, as for the fuckfaces who did nothing but laugh, they obviously forgot to get on the Darwinian train of evolution.
 

Boss Hog

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by ~atp~
Exaclty what I was thinking. Poor piggy.


This further proves my point: humans need to be fucking nuked from orbit (which ought to happen soon given the political climate round these parts) or hopefully, Gaia, who at this point must be uber-pissed, decides she's gonna go ahead with the radiation treatment to get rid of the sickening cancer growing all over her skin.

It really is the only way to be sure.
 
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CLUSTER

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Eclectic
They probably shouldn't have used the word "squealed" so much.....
Bringing back memories of the scene from Deliverence *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEL**


Zigg
 

Vote Quimby

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by depraved
What I want to know is whether she sang.
Cuz it ain't over 'til...
hahahahhahahahahahahahaha

I guess she realised, too late, that she shouldn't have had that last rack of ribs.
 
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