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Nawberry's St. Lawrence Market Merchant Review-

nawberry

TRIBE Member
With the weekend upon us, and a trip to the Market planned by me for tomorrow, I figured I would post my comments on my favourite, and my least favourite, St. Lawrence Market merchants.


Here goes:



Favourites



The Sausage King

Motto-"I guess"


The Sausage King easily makes up for its name that sounds like a bad porn movie by offering its patrons a dizzying array of sausage varieties from around the world, giving even lengendary sausage-superclub Paradise Garage (circa 1985) a run for its money in this (sausage) regard.

From chorizo to andouille to smoked chorizo, if it is tubular and meat-filled, the Sausage King likely offers it.


Scheffler's Deli

Motto-"Our ceiling may always be dripping, but our choice of salami's is good."


Deli meats, cheese, and olives from all over the world. If Scheffler's only sold blow... I would probably never leave.

Nevertheless, Scheffler's is probably my favourite Market vendor.

My choices are the all beef salami, anchovy stuffed olives, St Andre cheese, and Grana-Padano.


Domenic's Fish Market

Motto-"The place where everything is sushi grade"


Yet another St. Lawrence merchant that has a name straight outta Pornville.

But unlike the generally disappointing, and, dare I say, slightly grubby staff at Sausage King, Domenic's has some hot-looking staffers that look like they could be porn stars, or at minimum fluffers.

The fish selection is wide, and is invariably fresh and good.

Yet, it seems that one must really decide beforehand whether their purpose for going to Domenic's is an excuse to chat up an attractive fishmonger, or if one is indeed are looking for some interesting seafood recommendations.

I have yet to find that ever-elusive server that is both hot looking and knowledgeable about fish. An easy to remember maxim is that the more they look like an octopus/lobster, then the more they will know about seafood.



Least-Favourites


Honey World

Motto-"Don't leave yet! I have more honey to show you"


To me "Honey World" sounds more strip-clubby than porn movie-esque.

As the name suggests it is a honey stand. Actually it is a guy that sells over 300 varieties of honey. And fuck does he like to talk honey.."this honey comes from lavender eating bees", "this honey is from St. Jacob's based lavender eating honeybees" "this honey is a mixture of various lavender eating honey bee's honey".

What begins as a simple free honey sample soon becomes a long-winded and terrifying journey into the psyche of a man consumed by honey. If you want out of the market in under three hours then strike this vendor off of your list, if you want out of the market alive then buy a jar of honey after taking a sample, there are no true freebies in honey world!


The guy who sells Toronto Dollars

Motto-"Hello sir, would you like to buy some Toronto Dollars"

This guy snows me every chance he gets. He magically seems to know exactly when I am too high to make sense of things, and chooses those moments to get me to trade my actual Canadian Currency at par for "Toronto Dollars".

He assures me that Toronto Dollars are just like cash only more fun, and time and time again I soon learn that most vendors, aside from those in the craft annex, will not accept them, taking much of the "fun" out of the whole Toronto Dollar fiasco.


A Bisket A Basket

Motto-"Put that back before I call the police"

I hate puns as business names. And I don't particularly care for baskets, what is it about wicker that makes people think a basket is something more than a storage bin?


There you go!​



...And as an added bonus here are some St. Lawrence Pics for y'all:



Originally built to be Canada's first Chi Chi's location, the building that now houses the St. Lawrence Market (ironically also a celebration of food) is over 25 years old, took over two months to construct, and spans half a city block:




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One of the many Market prostitutes, Mary-Lou, proudly displaying the berries that she purchased with the money earned from her last trick:





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The smaller vendors found throughout the market with the small circular tables tend to have little selection (often half-eaten) and are quite unfriendly, unhelpful, and often act as if they don't want your business:




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Wow! Mustachio's is absolutely bustling on this day with soon-to-be-disappointed lunch-goers hungry for their famous non-descript veal sandwiches coupled with their trademark discourteous service:






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If you are looking to buy crap, then the lower craft annex is the place for you, over 30 vendors dedicated to selling ridiculous space-wasting knick-knacks that nobody wants:








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NemIsis

TRIBE Member
In addition, it is also the location of Toronto's first City Hall. It has been rebuilt many times due to a number of fires.. Sir John A. Macdonald spoke there I believe in the Council Chambers (Now, the Market Gallery)..

An interesting note: Lake Ontario actually used to come up to the building. The land all the way down to Queen's Quay is actually landfill.. Saw them do it. It's very cool to watch. ..Ok..not then..But in the 80's..

The jail was originally located on the lower floor.. Go down the stairs :p .. And often, if the tide was up, or after a particularly harsh rain, prisoners would find themselves..in the lake. This was one of the reasons why they had to relocate to the St. Lawrence centre, just one block north

At one time Front st. was the chosen area for the very rich to build their homes : )

A fabulous, entertaining and historic place to visit..
 
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derek

TRIBE Member
i buy most my produce from the market, have for over a decade, and use to go with my parents as a child. you'd think over the last 30 odd years i'd remember some of the vendors, but no, i do not.
 

Hypnotoad

TRIBE Member
can I add a favourite?

St Urbain Bagel makes delicious montreal style bagels in front of your eyes. You could visit one of their locations, but the booth provides a steaming hot sack and if you time it right, you can finish your market shopping with them, put the bag in your backpack and it will keep you warm in the cold outside for at least 20 minutes on your trip home

edit: oops this review should be credited to dyad
 
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JOSHB

TRIBE Member
What the shit? Nawberry, did you start your weekend on Monday or something? This is teh most crack-tackular thing I have ever read!

9/10
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
Hypnotoad said:
can I add a favourite?

St Urbain Bagel makes delicious montreal style bagels in front of your eyes. You could visit one of their locations, but the booth provides a steaming hot sack and if you time it right, you can finish your market shopping with them, put the bag in your backpack and it will keep you warm in the cold outside for at least 20 minutes on your trip home

edit: oops this review should be credited to dyad

I want everyone to add their favourites!

I like St Urbain too! Oven-warm bagels are where it is at!

maybe it is just me, but I still don't understand why St. Urbain employees always have a perplexed look of utter bewilderment on their face when a patron asks for "a half-dozen sesame seed bagels", it is as if they have a different word for sesame or seed or bagel in that corner of the market (SE).

I also enjoy luring birds into the market with bits of St. Urbain bagel, it is hilarious to watch a seagull make a b-line for the fish counter.

However, my bird luring antics once backfired terribly when I lured a mallard duck into the market forgetting that most of the butchers sell duck, I will never forget the look on that duck's face when he saw that showcase full of duck breast.

I tried to explain it, but it is pretty hard to get any duck, much less a devastated duck, to understand human nature.

One day, my hope is that the Market will be operated by a combo of ducks, lemurs, and robots.

But I digress.
 
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nawberry

TRIBE Member
What they Don't Want You to Know About The Toronto Dollar




Here is a propaganda cartoon from www.TorontoDollar.com, they try to paint a rosey picture of the Toronto Dollar:




Believe me, the Toronto Dollar reality is much more bleak than the boy with soccer ball, handshaking, puppydog, sign carrying birds utopian society illustrated above. I still have about $3000 of unspendable Toronto Dollars, the expiration date is fast approaching, the ink is coming off, and they do not fit snugly in my wallet.​
 
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NemIsis

TRIBE Member
nawberry said:
What they Don't Want You to Know About The Toronto Dollar




Here is a propaganda cartoon from www.TorontoDollar.com, they try to paint a rosey picture of the Toronto Dollar:




Believe me, the Toronto Dollar reality is much more bleak than the boy with soccer ball, handshaking, puppydog, sign carrying birds utopian society illustrated above. I still have about $3000 of unspendable Toronto Dollars, the expiration date is fast approaching, the ink is coming off, and they do not fit snugly in my wallet.​
We should call this thread 100 interesting things about Toronto..:p
 

Adam Duke

TRIBE Member
KOZLIK'S MUSTARD STAND!

http://www.mustardmaker.com/


I used to NEVER like mustard. I went into the St. lawrence one day last year and walked out with 5 jars.

I have seen the light through very opaque, yellow jars of such flavours as: the cinnamon-y 'Russian', the thoroughly Canadian 'Maple', a rather hot 'Garlic' mustard and 'Lime and Honey' deliciousness..

But don't take my word for it, go there and try some with a free pretzel or piece of peameal bacon...

hell, you can just hang out for the afternoon and try all 50+ varieties...they love that!
 

Krzysiu

TRIBE Member
you know, when I didn't live in toronto, I'd go ever weekend I was in town... now that I live here, I haven't been once.


zoinks!
 
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sugar

TRIBE Member
nawberry said:
wtf. Why is Gerrard Square (aka possibly the most ghetto mall in Toronto) in there?

Edit: Wait, is it because Gerrard Square is the only place with 100% illiterate employees who don't even bat an eyelash when paid in Toronto Dollars?
 

Poot

TRIBE Member
nawberry said:
I also enjoy luring birds into the market with bits of St. Urbain bagel, it is hilarious to watch a seagull make a b-line for the fish counter.

However, my bird luring antics once backfired terribly when I lured a mallard duck into the market forgetting that most of the butchers sell duck, I will never forget the look on that duck's face when he saw that showcase full of duck breast.

I tried to explain it, but it is pretty hard to get any duck, much less a devastated duck, to understand human nature.
:D :D :D

!!!!!!!!!

*dies*
 
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judge wopner

TRIBE Member
nawberry As the name suggests it is a honey stand. Actually it is a guy that sells over 300 varieties of honey. And fuck does he like to talk honey.."this honey comes from lavender eating bees" said:
this is all kinds of awesome.
 

Joe Seven

TRIBE Member
Adam Duke said:
I'd second that... Kozlik has some amazing mustards. The 'Double C' is my fav. straight up dijon goodness!

The honey guy is pretty intense. He'll give you a stomach ache for sure.
I did purchase a $30 jar of Manuka honey from him once, and was impressed. Its a great immune booster with anti-biotic properties and tastes awsome.

Great market review btw.
 

geminigirl

TRIBE Member
Joe Seven said:
I'd second that... Kozlik has some amazing mustards. The 'Double C' is my fav. straight up dijon goodness!

The honey guy is pretty intense. He'll give you a stomach ache for sure.
I did purchase a $30 jar of Manuka honey from him once, and was impressed. Its a great immune booster with anti-biotic properties and tastes awsome.

Great market review btw.
I love when guys have knowledge of food's nutritional qualities..good stuff!
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
How could one leave out the dazzling array of free bread samples on the lower floor of the south market?

Or the veal sandwich vendor, remarkably close to the above noted bread vendor, where Mark's parents invited us for breakfast at 8am following a closing set at boa?
Could I have possibly asked for a better way to start (or...end?) my day than veal and fried onions?
 
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