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My sewer exploded and now my front yard is a dirt pile -- how to plant grass

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by Jeffsus, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. Jeffsus

    Jeffsus TRIBE Member

    So the other day my tennant starts complaining that her shower drain "puked everywhere". As a consciencious landlord I promptly ignored her.

    Then she complained again that it was overflowing everywhere. I decided to have a beer instead.

    Eventually she said she was running out of towels mopping up the drain puke so I went and had a look and thought "oh my".

    So I called a plumber and I hate contractors cause they always look at problem X and say "oh yeah, that'll be easy". So first guy cost $400 and accomplished exactly nothing other than to say "Well, you're going to need most expensive option Z". He was hot though, not one of those fat ass-crack type plumbers but more like a justin timberlake apprentice type plumber.

    So two days later a team of 4 guys in orange and yellow vests and one guy in a shirt, tie, and white hard hat show up with a backhoe and promptly go to work destroying my front lawn. They totally destroyed my Japanese Maple while "transplanting it". Then they said things like "Your pipes are unusually deep" and "we're just going to cut this gas line 'cause we don't think it's active".

    When they finally sliced into the suspect pipe it erupted like popping some kind of giant earth zit. Shit, puke, condoms and tampons spewed into the six foot trench they'd dug. One of the guys put on gloves while wading ankle deep in last week's toilet flushes. I was 20 feet away and almost puked from the stench. That's why these guys were costing me $thousands per hour, I imagine.

    ANyway, eventually they put Humpty back together again but what used to be my lawn is now just a big dirt heap. How do I make it into grass again? Can I just put on grass seeds? Or is it better to just put on Sod? I think grass seed is cheaper but might not work. The soil is kinda tough cause it's been sorta compacted by the backhoe. Also what about my Japanese Maple tree? Before the explosion, it had a kind of red stuff around it and some decorative stones or whatnot, but how do I redo that or what should I include? I'm so lost. I took today off to deal with my grief and drink Labatt Blue. Also, instead of actually doing work I'm writing about it and watching "The View"... kill me.

  2. Hi i'm God

    Hi i'm God TRIBE Member

    Call a yard maintenance company they'll topsoil and sod it right up.
  3. Jeffsus

    Jeffsus TRIBE Member

    Yeah they'll say "Oh yeah this just needs a bit of grass seeds" then 4 hours later they'll come back and say "Sorry, we has to install a roller coaster and it's gonna cost ya".

    This has to be a DIY job since I now have no money left.

  4. Hi i'm God

    Hi i'm God TRIBE Member

    Call for a truck of topsoil and some skids of sod, then diy.

    Or just do what you suggested and seed it up the instructions are usually on the back of the bag.

  5. Wiseman

    Wiseman TRIBE Member

    It's the day after St Pattys. I'm sure you could get a deal on some green paint. And then you can forget about having to cut that shit.
  6. SJN

    SJN TRIBE Member

    FieldTurf it

  7. Spinsah

    Spinsah TRIBE Member

    Make like a porkchop and lay some concrete. Maybe a nice fountain.
  8. PAUZE

    PAUZE TRIBE Promoter

  9. Jeffsus

    Jeffsus TRIBE Member

    The guy at rona said it's too early to plant seeds.

    So I'm just gonna do my tree.

    Cause all of you care Soooooooo much.

    Also I had pho for lunch.

  10. [SQUARE]

    [SQUARE] TRIBE Member

    And that is the reason I didn't want to become a plumber. Sure, they make more money than us electricians but I'm not interested in wading through poop.
  11. diablo

    diablo TRIBE Member

    Plant seeds quickly, while the yard is still saturated with human shit!
  12. Musical Rush

    Musical Rush TRIBE Member

    Turn your front yard into one of these.

  13. depraved

    depraved TRIBE Member

    If you're going to seed your lawn, top dress it with triple-mix before you seed. It's a mix of peat, mushroom compost, & topsoil.
  14. depraved

    depraved TRIBE Member

    wtf has become of us? jeffsus a landlord (!), me giving tips on lawn growing...

    if i weren't currently tripping balls on acid, i'd swear the bodysnatchers are up to some shit around here...
  15. solacevip

    solacevip TRIBE Promoter

    During university, I worked during the summers on campus with the plumbers for extra money. I learned a ton. I also had to put up with a Scottish plumber named Laurie.....who was downright miserable in the most hilarious way. He has since passed away.....but when I asked him about being a plumber he had the following advice which resonated with me to this day.

    "The job maybe dirty......but the money is clean!"

    -insert Scottish accent...
  16. Brandon

    Brandon TRIBE Member

    I'm reading this with Scrooge McDuck's voice in my head and laughing. Great quote.
  17. Polymorph

    Polymorph TRIBE Member

    sometimes I wish Jeffsus was my landlord. He'd be, like, "Oh, you can't make rent this month? Don't worry about it. Just pay me when you can. Hey, let's hit up a pub, on me."

    that would be really great.
  18. xtcfreak

    xtcfreak TRIBE Member

    You ignored her? lol , looks good ya!


  19. [SQUARE]

    [SQUARE] TRIBE Member

    I've had a couple guys tell me that the only things you need to know to be a plumber are "Shit runs downhill and payday is on Thursday"
  20. Snuffy

    Snuffy TRIBE Member

    Next time something like this happens, ensure you seize the opportunity to completely embarrass the guy who is flushing his rubbers. Eventually, his toilet will clog. Condoms should never be flushed!

    Oh... and I say do away with the boring 1950s lawn and do something a little easier and more exciting. Wheat, corn, shrubs... anything that looks pretty that you don't have to mow!
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2010
  21. Jeffsus

    Jeffsus TRIBE Member

    Well we think it was the same person flushing condoms and tampons. And not just her toilet clogged, but the sewer to the whole house. Then she was pissed at me because it took a couple days before a team and a backhoe could come.

    THen she must be applying to live elsewhere as I got a call from a potential landlord doing a reference check on her. When the other landlord asked "Does she pay on time?" I almost laughed up a lung. Anyway....

  22. JamesM

    JamesM TRIBE Member

    I was wondering how you can tell who's condoms are blowing up. because liek it must mean you only have 2 tennants.

    so how do you know who to embarass?
  23. Jeffsus

    Jeffsus TRIBE Member

    Because I put my condoms in the trash and my other male roommate doesn't get any action.

    Anyhoo, I got a truckload of black earth dirt and spread that out and then planted seeds and water every day. Hopefully this actually accomplishes something.

    Also, it seems insurance may cover the fixing of my sewer pipes. HOPEFULLY.....

  24. loopdokter

    loopdokter TRIBE Promoter

    It's spring time. We're due for our yearly Ethels gathering.

    Taco Tuesday?

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