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Mobsters Suitable for Ibiza

nawberry

TRIBE Member
It is hard to believe now that the one-time highly irreverent and far-flung notion of the mafia, or mob, came solely out of the creative mind of imaginative author/screenplay writer Mario Puzo (in his 1969 epic masterpiece pulp-novel “the Godfather”).

In fact, so popular were Puzo’s characters (ie bigger than Yoda) back then, that shortly after the release of the 1973 movie based on Puzo’s book, a number of true life career criminals, who were enthralled/captivated with Puzo’s work, began dressing and acting in their everyday lives in accordance with their favorite character.

Collectively these fanatics gave rise to a Trekkie-like group of true Godfather diehards, who began referring to themselves as “the Mob”.

By the mid-80s “the mob” had so many members that it was decided that they should split into a number of families for organizational reasons.

Nowadays one can find mobsters almost everywhere… on reality TV shows, in Woodbridge bakeries, and even in federal politics.

So…. given the rise of the mobster in the Canadian scene, and seeing as April is Mafia history month, I thought that the time was appropriate for a Triber Mobster in Ibiza Review.

Now, I would imagine that traveling to an exotic party isle alongside a reputed mobster would have a number of positive and negative connotations.

On the positive side, the significant respect that one would receive from fellow travelers/girls by association with the mobster would be cool, the mobster appreciation and knowledge of fine wine would come in handy, and the 24/7 chauffeur/body guard is certainly a bonus.

On the flip side, being continuously being tailed by the Feds, the overexposure to cheesy Euro-trance, and the very real prospect of getting whacked (or “killed” as the mobsters like to call it) are negatives.

So here are four mobster that I would like to go to Ibiza with, and two that I would not. And as always I would love to hear from other tribers with their opinions on this age-old query.


Good Mobster Ibiza Buddies



Vincent Gigante aka Vinnie the Chin aka the Chin



This guy is fucking hilarious and pure laughs. Who wouldn’t want to travel with a guy who spends his days wandering the streets in a bathrobe mumbling to himself trying to convince the cops he is crazy, yet is (purportedly) the boss of the Genovese Crime Family?

Plus as a former boxer he could hold his own for us if I were to pop off to Ibizan locals




Vito Corleone aka “the godfather” aka “da godfather”



This guy is the true godfather of mafia leaders.

And so long as he doesn’t do that scary thing with the orange peel I would like to hang with this guy.




Ernie Combs aka Mr. Dressup aka Ernie “Nipples”



A true puppet master, this guy fronted his ruthless criminal empire through a publicly funded Canadian children’s television show.

A great Ibizan buddy, so long as you don’t cross him.




Johnny Tightlips aka “oh yeah, that guy!”



Presently a member of Fat Tony’s Legitimate Businessmen’s Club, this guy used to run a very profitable Newark-based numbers racket with Casey and Finnegan.

Here are some classic Tightlips moments from the Simpson’s that I feel single-hendedly illustrate why Johnny would be cool to travel with in Ibiza:

Legs: Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit ya?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin'.
Legs: But what'll I tell the doctor?
Johnny Tightlips: Tell him to suck a lemon.
***
Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips, can you see the shooter?
Johnny Tightlips: I see a lot of things...
Fat Tony: You know, you could be a little more helpful.
***



So there you go!...My two mobsters that are bad for Ibiza will follow very shortly but my boss is coming to my office…..
 
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nawberry

TRIBE Member
My two mobsters that are bad for Ibiza….



Salvatore Gravano aka Sammy the Bull



On the plus side this guy recently has been running a huge Arizona-based ecstasy ring. On the negative his popularity amongst mobsters has fallen significantly after his testimony led to many of them being jailed for life.




Tommy De Vito aka “Danny” aka “Joe Pesci”





There is only room for one clown in any travel group, and that is Nawberry. Also I could see this hothead whacking Tenaglia for shining his flashlight in his general direction. Which would be a downer and real Ibiza buzz kill.
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
annec said:
Hey Nawberry, where does Gotti fit in all this?
Junior or Senior?

or did you mean Tijuana Cartel kingpin Señor Gotti?


I am not sure where they place on my Ibiza llst, although I would avoid bringing along John Sr. if I were already booked to go with Sammy the Bull as they don't seem to get along.
 
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Snuffalupagus

TRIBE Member


Christophuh Maltosanti, can party harder than most and still hold his shit together enough to take care of biznezz.

I'd party with this guinea any day. Just keep your purse sized pooches off da sofa.
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
Snuffalupagus said:


Christophuh Maltosanti, can party harder than most and still hold his shit together enough to take care of biznezz.

I'd party with this guinea any day. Just keep your purse sized pooches off da sofa.
I wouldn't put that guy with Tommy De Vito. Tommy might try and force him to dance.
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
annec said:
Gotti Senior. He is the Teflon Don, which means there's no sweat sticking to this man.

I thought he was called the Teflon don because of the ease in which he makes omelets.
 
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Temper Tantrum

TRIBE Member
Snuffalupagus said:


Christophuh Maltosanti, can party harder than most and still hold his shit together enough to take care of biznezz.

I'd party with this guinea any day. Just keep your purse sized pooches off da sofa.

Didn't he go to rehab?
 

nawberry

TRIBE Member
If I were a mobster I think my nickname would be Pauly Big Nose, I think I would run with the Luchese family if given a choice, as it kind of rolls off the tongue.
 

alma

TRIBE Member
This is Big Fat Pauly on Family Guy:



- a mobster who could - might - with his strong conversational ability and uncommon capacity for verbal persuasion, be able to get you in the door of Privilege-Eivissa even if you were wearing red Converse low-cuts (the kind with white rubber for trim). But he is, at heart, a softie who just wants you to be his buddy. He'd be suitable for Ibiza, but perhaps not as suitable as Hamilton's own Johnny "Pops" Papalia back in the day:



Nicknamed the "Enforcer," he had a Steeltown reputation for getting people - anyone and everyone - into dance clubs. If he did one thing in his life, it was that. There is speculation that he had an ability to furnish his placements with so-called "high-grade" narcotics of Belgian manufacture, but this has never been confirmed.







Who would you choose if your Ibizan debauchery depended on it?















































Oh no! Your party depends on it. :eek:
 
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