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Making friends in your 30's

sianspherica

TRIBE Member
Got a friend, she's been doing a lot self pitying vague-booking on FB, she needs someone to talk to etc.

I've been trying to give her constructive life advice, playing therapist, and she says her biggest problem is she doesn't have enough friends. She has lots of aquaintances.

I try and give her a few ideas to meet people. I tell her I play in sports leagues (co-ed) which have helped me meet new people and shit, I told her about these events that Hashtag Gallery ran called "We Should Know Each Other" that help people network and stuff.

Any ideas? How did you make new friends in your late 20's / early 30's?
 

Blysspluss

TRIBE Member
I don't have many friends. They develop out of acquaintances...it's about fostering those into more than just acquaintances.

It's not about getting out more....doing new things...it's about working with what you have.
 

glych t.anomaly

TRIBE Member
LOL seriously......


where are all her friends from her 20's?

did they all dump her? if so why?

dont you have have any friends you can pawn her off on? hahaha

get her on tribe ! she will meet lots of awesome entertaining people on here ;)
 

erika

TRIBE Member
I don't have many friends. They develop out of acquaintances...it's about fostering those into more than just acquaintances.

It's not about getting out more....doing new things...it's about working with what you have.
Au contraire, I think it IS about getting out more and doing new things, as well as developing acquaintances.

Taking classes (gym, yoga, crafts) and volunteering are good ways to do that.

She could get involved in some Remove Rob Ford from office initiatives ;)
 

Ho||yw0oD

TRIBE Member
where are all her friends from her 20's?

did they all dump her? if so why?
In all fairness, I had a huge social network in my teens and 20s. And then life happened. Some people, myself included, changed. Some people remained the same.

I left my hometown and moved to Toronto, other friends moved elsewhere and most not to Toronto.

My life filled up with other priorities like work, research, more schooling, marriage, etc. Friendships still are important but compete with other priorities.

With a strict definition of friendship I could now count on 2 hands the number of friends I have. Some people have none.
 
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the_fornicator

TRIBE Member
Is she a negative nancy or a complainer?

People who usually do that vague facebook status shit are weird and that's why they have no friends.
 

praktik

TRIBE Member
Has she been burned before by friends you think?

Just wondering if insecurity about relationship quality is coming out of some bad experiences with groups of friends or ex-friends....

Anyway I think the typical advice here works, right, like the hashtag idea is great - but just do more stuff!

Join a club or group in one of your interests - take lessons in something - say yes when colleagues wanna go out for a drink, or suggest that after work more often yourself!

As someone else suggested - engage your "acquaintances" with proactive suggestions to hang!

But if you approach friends with a bit of wariness - on account of being burned - you may get less out of this. She needs to stop worrying about the quality of her relationships and develop the self-worth to not require outside validation through surpassing some supposed threshold of the "normal amount of good friends one is supposed to have".
 

voytek

TRIBE Member
over the years, i've found that the more comfortable i became with being on my own, the more people gravitated towards me.
 

Sal De Ban

TRIBE Member
a sad, mopey person will never make meaningful friendships while they are in that state. she has to be happy first. it starts there.
 
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sianspherica

TRIBE Member
Is she a negative nancy or a complainer?

People who usually do that vague facebook status shit are weird and that's why they have no friends.
Yeah she is.

Definitely on Facebook. She's much less self-pitying in person.

I want her to be happy at the same time me and her are not really personality compatible enough for us to be better friends.
 

octo

TRIBE Member
got me thinking about how many new friends i've made in my 30s.

the only new people i'm friends with are people in their 20s who i met through work.

i guess sports teams is a good option. or maybe take some continuing ed classes. get involved in local clubs or charities. become a volunteer somewhere.

it's hard to even stay friends with people who are in their 30s, never mind making new friends in their 30s. most of them are too busy with their kids.
 

Blysspluss

TRIBE Member
True...clubs get you meeting people..Bowling has been good in that regard I guess.

Also...leaving FB is a good start. My friendships have been the better for it.
 
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zoo

TRIBE Member
Get out of the house, do anything, be happy, and be the person that makes the plans. Invite the acquaintances. Make an effort to get to know them. Did you ask someone new to go for coffee or drinks this week? Why not?
 

glych t.anomaly

TRIBE Member
In all fairness, I had a huge social network in my teens and 20s. And then life happened. Some people, myself included, changed. Some people remained the same.

I left my hometown and moved to Toronto, other friends moved elsewhere and most not to Toronto.

My life filled up with other priorities like work, research, more schooling, marriage, etc. Friendships still are important but compete with other priorities.

With a strict definition of friendship I could now count on 2 hands the number of friends I have. Some people have none.
this amazes me. i have SOOO many people im close to, see regularly and count as a good friend, many as friends.

i have literally cycled through entire crews and sets of friends and while maybe i would say 10-20 of those havve been around 1-2 decades( and they are almost family at this point.), most of the people i see and hang out with now i have know for at least 4-5 years and my friend and people i hang out with continue to grow, and i meet people through them.

its pretty great i purge my bookface regularly for people i just dont talk to, but im happy to say its hard to purge it and get it much lower than it is.

life is important, work is also important, i was married, and yes life can get in the way, but to completely be bereft of people i would call friends is foreign to me.

im VERY thankful for the community of people i have and the associations and all the new people that come into my life.

i guess i draw people in hahahahahaha

COME TO ME MY PRETTIES !
 
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spaboy

TRIBE Member
I also find it harder to meet new peeps in my elderly age. Not really a problem meeting other people, just finding ones that don't annoy the shit out of me. I'm that cynical douche I swore I'd never become :(

I actually have a lot of cool couples I know currently. makes me want to get hitched up just for double dating.
 

glych t.anomaly

TRIBE Member
Psh, DJ's

EVERYONE is a fucking DJ nowadays.

MOST of the people i would call friends thankfully dont fall under the DJ category.

now knowing how to mix is an entirely different gammit, and when you have a party , big rig, tons of friends hanging out, and people playing music, thats not a club, or event, thats a pot luck with friends and the community we have created.

back yard parties for the win !
 
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djfear

TRIBE Member
Psh, DJ's

EVERYONE is a fucking DJ nowadays.

MOST of the people i would call friends thankfully dont fall under the DJ category.

now knowing how to mix is an entirely different gammit, and when you have a party , big rig, tons of friends hanging out, and people playing music, thats not a club, or event, thats a pot luck with friends and the community we have created.

back yard parties for the win !
*looks at username*

;(
 

lucky1

TRIBE Member
A few of my really good friends I've known for 20 years (since highschool).

Some of my "newer party friends" I've known for 10 years from raves etc. (my 20's).

I find it hard to make new friends myself, but I do notice that if one of my friends meets someone cool said person will usually become part of our “group” and we all get to know them.

Also when your friends get married / or couple up you tend to then be friends with their partner so your circle grows.

Or if you date someone you get to know that person’s friends.

So I guess this is kind of like networking, but through your current friends?

I would tell this girl to leave facebook for a while. It is document to make people more depressed with it appears that all their "friends" list has a fabulous life, when in reality most peple don't post their baggage and the bad parts of their life.
 

Blysspluss

TRIBE Member
back yard parties for the win !
+1

This is the best. and actually it doesn't even matter if the mixing talent isn't there. Hearing new and/or good tunes with friends is excellent on its own.

(at least, that's what I tell myself given that my mixing skills are terrible, and I would never consider myself a DJ. A collector/appreciator, though...)
 
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