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I've been a bunch of times. Initially it was a pretty solid crowd, but the new spot syndrome is starting to set in. The place is lined up and overcrowded like the Hose and Hydrant with a pub crawl. People really seem to enjoy standing around on the dance floor -- reminding me of all ages hip hop shows. Hopefully they continue to bring in good talent and promote the some of the solid local talent we have. It would be nice to see how a non-hip-hop/ mash up DJ would go over with the present crowd. As it stands, it's a good spot but some more diversity in music would make a world of difference.
So about a year ago my dad fell on some ice and landed pretty hard causing some damage to his ribs and sternum. As the months passed he continued to experience extreme pain in his ribs and for the most part his doctors did little about it. It wasn't until he finally put up enough stink that they decided to send him for and Ultrasound which determined he had a cracked sternum which he had been living with for months. Fortunately for us, the ultrasound tech was a close friend of ours who spotted something else and referred my dad back to his doctor. As it turns out my dad had metastatic lung cancer (metastatic means that it is cancer that has spread from a primary location if case you were not aware) and this was the source of the agonizing pain he was enduring.
Many tests, ultrasounds, fluid drains, MRI's, a staph infection and countless pain meds later I am faced with meeting with the cancer clinic tomorrow to discuss both long term and paliative care for my father as he has deteriorated so quickly it seems his cancer is moving quite rapidly. Suffice if to say for me it has been a unique experience that I have not been and am not prepared for. My father is only 64 years old and these days that is really supposed to be time to enjoy life. Unfortunately not.
I recognize we all have to go some time and 3 years ago I may not have taken it so hard, but now that I have two beautiful children of my own the reality of it seems so much more harsh as I would be so disapointed to die early and miss out on milestones they and their children would achieve. Plus I love him to bits, he has always been a great father.
I have another struggle though and it is one I don't often talk about with people because at times I don't understand it myself. I was raised Catholic as that is my father's denomination and my mom is a devout Pentecostal... so religion was always present in my world. On top of that I have always been fascinated with world religions and have done what I can to educate myself about the doctrines and history of as many other religions. The struggle I have is that frankly I just don't believe in heaven.
It may not seem like a big deal because athiests have existed since the dawn of mankind but in my household and in my family to state what I just did would be call for uproar, tears, anger, prayer groups and all around dismay and anguish. The guilt I feel right now is overwhelming to me as I know my dad feels he is going to heaven when he dies and as much as I wish that was the case I just don't believe it is the case. So I don't even know how to be strong around him because I can't tell him that I am certain paradise awaits him because I simply don't know. To brand me an athiest is a minomer because I am not one... I just feel we are nowhere close to being capable as humans to truly understand divinity and life and the very fabric of the universe that makes us. So I may be wrong but I just can't convince myself to believe differently.
It's not that I don't think it isn't a great notion, a place where the sun shines and everyone you love is there and you get to live for eternity in paradise... it just seems a little to simplistic and human in design to me. Yet I also have difficulty with the idea that when we die that is just it... but when I think about what was going on before I was born it doesn't seem that unfathomable to me that when we are gone we simply are gone. However, the fact remains that I just don't know and although my dad says the bible says so etc I have a little bit of difficulty buying in. I do hope he is right though... he sure has earned the right to be there.
Anyway that is it... there is not point to this and no clever ending. I don't blog and I don't have a diary, I just felt the need to chatter incessantly and thought why not here? It's not like many people will read it anyway.
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through James.
I think that what's more important though is what your father believes and not what you believe with respect to heaven and dying. I've put a bit of thought into this before when I've wondered what I'd do if/when my parents develop a terminal illness, especially my Mom since she's the religious one of the family.
In the end, religion may indeed be totally bunk and just something that gives us a more positive outlook on death, but at least let him have that and let him believe he's going somewhere better until he's passed. Worst thing that happens is he's wrong, and if that's the case he won't be around to know any better, right?
your thoughts sound so very similar to not only what i think but also how i think about things in the world. i am sitting at work and reading that really had my eyes threatening tears. especially when you mention your little ones. it is so cliche but for good reason. they really do change your world and everything / everybody in it and how important certain things really are to you.
i have no advice and no idea what you (and your dad) must be going through but i was listening to this song when i read your post and somehow it gave me a little brighter outlook on your situation. my thoughts are with you, my friend.
Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and support
My dad has been in the house for about 6 weeks now.... it is a fantastic place made up mostly of volunteers and nurses who work way too hard for what they get paid.
It is odd how things go... my dad is deteriorating mentally much quicker than he is physically which has posed many unforseen problems including delusions and symptoms that closely resemble Alzheimers. He is in a good place of caring people though which is more than most can hope for but for the most part the man I knew as my father is all but gone. The fact that is has happened so quickly and drastically has barely had time to set in.
So after a very long and torturous battle, my dear father passed away today. I will never forget what he went through over the past year and I can only hope somewhere someone will find the breakthrough needed to end this horrible illness.
My dad never showed any fear through all the agony and I can only hope he is truly at peace and in a place of less suffering.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss Jamie.
I cannot imagine losing a parent - we're far too young to have to deal with such things.
I'm glad your Dad was able to see you become who you are today with a loving wife and 2 beautiful kids, that I'm sure he spoiled and adored while he still could.
My thoughts are with you as you prepare for the next stage of your life, one without your Dad to guide you along the way. xoxo
the countdown has begun... in 2 days the JEMZ's Chillin' Private Lounge will turn 10 years old!
so many things have changed but this thread still stands as a reminder of where we once were. i wish nothing but the best for all the Saskatoon forum massive!!!