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jealousy...icky yicky sticky jealousy!!

squirrely

TRIBE Member
i think that people mis-use this word a lot, using it to refer to feelings of envy, possessiveness, and/or insecurity.

how "jealous" are you?
how do you overcome it?

i have seen sooooooo many relationships smushed by this disGUSTING emotion, and i always wish that i had better advice to offer those who seem to regularly suffer from it (myself included, i suppose).
 
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terrawrist III

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by squirrely
i think that people mis-use this word a lot, using it to refer to feelings of envy, possessiveness, and/or insecurity.

how "jealous" are you?
how do you overcome it?

i have seen sooooooo many relationships smushed by this disGUSTING emotion, and i always wish that i had better advice to offer those who seem to regularly suffer from it (myself included, i suppose).

3 words: DONT TRUST ANYONE.

that's where jealousy comes from
 

R4V4G3D_SKU11S

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by squirrely
i think that people mis-use this word a lot, using it to refer to feelings of envy, possessiveness, and/or insecurity.

Uhhhhh.

I would venture to say that jealousy does indeed refer to envy and insecurity and possesiveness.
 

squirrely

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: jealousy...icky yicky sticky jealousy!!

Originally posted by R4V4G3D_SKU11S
Uhhhhh.

I would venture to say that jealousy does indeed refer to envy and insecurity and possesiveness.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i suppose i just mean that "jealousy" is used as a blanket term for quite a few very separate emotions. i find that when i feel "jealous" it helps to interrogate myself a bit and determine more specifically what i am feeling.
 

squirrely

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: jealousy...icky yicky sticky jealousy!!

Originally posted by terrawrist III
3 words: DONT TRUST ANYONE.

that's where jealousy comes from

jealousy comes from trust? or *lack* of trust?

i am confused.
 
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R4V4G3D_SKU11S

TRIBE Member
Jealousy is:

1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.
2. Inclined to suspect rivalry.
3. Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness:
4. Vigilant in guarding something
5. Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic:

I still don't get what you're asking though.
How jealous am I? Of what?
 

starr

TRIBE Member
jealousy comes from trust? or *lack* of trust?

i am confused.

sort of

in a sense you are saying that you don't trust your partner to be faithful to you, which causes you to worry and leads to you be jealous

i've only been jealous once, and this one particular girl drove me mad

i could never pinpoint what exactly it was, but i felt awful
however i trusted my partner implicitly, and told him to just not tell me when he was with her (which wasn't often at all)
made things much better

we broke up anyway, over something else completely

as for advice, my philosophy is that if you're gonna cheat on me i'm probably never going to know anyway, so why bother with the jealousy
don't have time for wasted emotion and paranoia

i've never had a boyfriend cheat on me, that i know of, so hey - it's all good :)
 

the_fornicator

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: Re: jealousy...icky yicky sticky jealousy!!

Originally posted by squirrely
jealousy comes from trust? or *lack* of trust?

i am confused.

lack of, completely.

if you trusted someone, why would you develop feelings of resentment and hostility when s/he is talking to someone else.

my girlfriend is bad for this... like just downright horrible. But hey, I think it's cute. Kind of like that psycho blonde chick that Fez was dating on That 70's Show. :p ha ha! okay, not that bad.

but her whinning does kind of give me a headache.
 
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squirrely

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by R4V4G3D_SKU11S
I still don't get what you're asking though.
How jealous am I? Of what?

i am just wondering who out there considers themselves to be a "jealous person."

and i know people who are very secure with themselves who still experience this emotion on occasion, and i wonder what they do to overcome it. experiencing jealousy is pretty common, but knowing how to act upon it takes practise for some....

i know some people who are sooooo good at rationalising these feelings and, subsequently, rising above them.

others seem to sabotage relationship after relationship (romantic and otherwise) because they just don't know how to deal with these often intense emotions.


i dunno...just looking for a discussion of jealousy in general, i suppose. a lot of tribe ppl seem really good at stepping back from these feelings and examining them critically.
 
Originally posted by squirrely
how do you overcome it?

Find someone that respects you as a person and treats you the way you want to be treated.

Respect that person back and treat them the way you wish to be treated.

Avoid deception.

Speak frankly and honestly, but be kind when speaking.
 

squirrely

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: Re: Re: jealousy...icky yicky sticky jealousy!!

Originally posted by the_fornicator
my girlfriend is bad for this... like just downright horrible.

a lot of girls seem to be, and i see it driving their guys maaaad.

i also see how lots of people perceive their partners' jealousy to be a COMPLIMENT of sorts.

this is so unhealthy, i think.


(but yeah you're right..it can be cute. ;))
 

R4V4G3D_SKU11S

TRIBE Member
Right on - I needed some more detail on that one!

Insecurity breeds jealousy. When a secure person gets something like envy, its more of a passing thought. An insecure person turns envy into something non-constructive/obsessive. This is when it becomes actual jealousy.
 

comma splice

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: jealousy...icky yicky sticky jealousy!!

Originally posted by squirrely
i also see how lots of people perceive their partners' jealousy as a COMPLIMENT of sorts.

i don't like when people warp jealousy this way; it lies in the negative side of the spectrum and is only shifted when it advantages someone circumstancially.
 
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starr

TRIBE Member
jealousy, especially the extreme kind, is often an indicator that something else is off in the relationship

you have to ask yourself why you feel this way

do you trust your partner?
is the jealousy rooted from past misplaced trust?

there's also a difference between jealousy and that feeling in your gut that tells you something is fucked up. i've never experienced that feeling in terms of jealousy in a relationship, but if my partner is lying about something i totally know. which sucks sometimes because it can spoil surprises and good stuff
 

the_fornicator

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: jealousy...icky yicky sticky jealousy!!

Originally posted by squirrely
a lot of girls seem to be, and i see it driving their guys maaaad.

i also see how lots of people perceive their partners' jealousy to be a COMPLIMENT of sorts.

this is so unhealthy, i think.

(but yeah you're right..it can be cute. ;))

haha! Like el presidente said, speak frankly and honestly.

I usually just tell my GF to shut up if she's acting all crazy and shit.

I dunno, I have this thing where I think our lives are hard enough and we don't need to be putting up with other people's BS.

so if it bothers me, something's gotta be fixed. This can either be seen as frankness/honesty, or stubbornness. I guess it's all in the way it's handled.

jealousy is only cute when it's in the, "hun, I don't want you hanging around that hot chick unless we're going to have a 3some!" form

you know?
 

R4V4G3D_SKU11S

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by starr
jealousy, especially the extreme kind, is often an indicator that something else is off in the relationship

If there is indeed something to be jealous of.

In most cases though, its just a manifestation of one person's insecurities, brought on by matters completely unrelated to the current relationship.

<---- Learned early on in life to run far, far away from any girl who is insecure.
 
Some people like the feelings of jealousy from others since it's a complete and honest display of total attention. Those people take it as an ego stroke, and rarely take into consideration the bigger picture of the situation (ie. Maybe the actions of another are causing the insecurity, or the partner wants that person to be with them and them alone).
 
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starr

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by R4V4G3D_SKU11S
If there is indeed something to be jealous of.

i didn't mean to imply there was :)

i meant more that there are obviously communication/trust issues. it can all be one-sided but it's definitely throwing off the relationship and should be addressed.
 

squirrely

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by starr
jealousy, especially the extreme kind, is often an indicator that something else is off in the relationship

i think this is true to an extent, but it can also be used as a cop-out, blaming your relationship with someone else for your own fucked-up-ness, and in turn taking the pressure off of your fucked-up self.

i think people have to take responsibility for their own neuroses.

basic: you're so right. moments of jealousy are not necessarily a problem, just so long as you don't feed them with your insecurity. an unstable relationship can also fuel these emotions, like you said starr.


so i wonder what the solution is then, if you happen to be one of the unlucky "insecure" types...how do THOSE people stop jealousy from taking over their lives? or do you just ignore the jealousy and tackle the deeper issues....whatever the fuck that means.
 

squirrely

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by R4V4G3D_SKU11S
<---- Learned early on in life to run far, far away from any girl who is insecure.

good for you. unfortunately, these types can also be incredibly sensitive and intuitive and all sorts of other good things.

sometimes i think that insecurity is just a step towards self-acceptance. realistically assessing your weaknesses and shortcomings can make you feel VERY insecure, until you arrive at a point of acceptace, at which time the insecurity can be transformed into a sort of liberation.
 

R4V4G3D_SKU11S

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by squirrely
basic: you're so right. moments of jealousy are not necessarily a problem, just so long as you don't feed them with your insecurity.

I would alther that statement just a bit to say that moments of envy aren't necessarily jealousy, as long as you don't feed them with your insecurity.
Since, IMO, jealousy can''t exist without insecurity, then you have to look at the deeper problem. Just looking at specific feelings of jealousy when they pop up would just be way too tiring!

So essentially, you have to find out why you are insecure.
 
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