I've Come To The Conclusion

[vench]

we all play games, boys and girls. It just sucks when you're being played and not being the player.


vench

 

[el presidente Highsteppa]

Never lose faith Narissa. No matter how bad things get, you're going to get what you want, provided you're persistent enough and willing to learn how to go about getting it.

From the Ministry of I'm a stubborn bastard, and it's working for me.

Prime Minister Highsteppa

 

[cosmic]

Originally posted by vench
we all play games, boys and girls. It just sucks when you're being played and not being the player.


vench

im always being played.....

im never the player.....

it hurts too much to get played, id never consiously do it to someone else

 

[Trini]

Originally posted by cosmic


im always being played.....

im never the player.....

it hurts too much to get played, id never consiously do it to someone else

why not stipulate from the get go??
"no games"

Then the person you are with will be conscious of it.

 

[cosmic]

Originally posted by Trini


why not stipulate from the get go??
"no games"

Then the person you are with will be conscious of it.

thats good advice

but when i enter a realtionship i feel that if someone supposely cares about me they wouldnt do something to hurt me.....

but ive been proven wrong before, and im sure will be proven wrong again....

 

[el presidente Highsteppa]

Originally posted by cosmic


thats good advice

but when i enter a realtionship i feel that if someone supposely cares about me they wouldnt do something to hurt me.....

but ive been proven wrong before, and im sure will be proven wrong again....

Again: Trust is something that should be earned and not given. You might wish to give your trust to someone, but it's better for them to earn it. They will in the process learn to respect you as a person.

Not everyone is a player. But it's up to them to show you that they have good intentions towards you, not something to gain from you.

From the Ministry of not saying this might be the case with you. I am just going on what you're posting

Prime Minister Highsteppa

 

[mcbee]

playing games is useless and is disrespectful to yourself.

being straight up and open is where its at for both you and your partner. playing games will only attract negative people and negative situations into your life....

its such a waste off time and energy to play games....

sarah

 

[Plato]

speaking of mind games and movies, everyone shoudl see 2 can play that game

soo many people didnt when it was in theters months ago and they missed out on a great movie

p[l]a+0

 

[Plato]

ps: click above

p[l]a+0

 

[cosmic]

Originally posted by el presidente Highsteppa


Again: Trust is something that should be earned and not given. You might wish to give your trust to someone, but it's better for them to earn it. They will in the process learn to respect you as a person.

Not everyone is a player. But it's up to them to show you that they have good intentions towards you, not something to gain from you.

From the Ministry of not saying this might be the case with you. I am just going on what you're posting

Prime Minister Highsteppa

Very true.

I will be the first to admit that I give my trust too quickly. I don't mind admitting my downfalls....

But I also believe that in different situations I give trust quicker than usual....ie...with a long time casual aquaintence or a friend of a friend....in these situations im more likely to go with my gut feeling.

My gut has been wrong before though. =P

The question I have is.......is it possible to take your trust back and start new again......so that you know "they have good intentions towards you, not something to gain from you"?

 

[cosmic]

^^^^^^^^
i hope that made sense....im kinda tired

 

[el presidente Highsteppa]

Originally posted by cosmic


Very true.

I will be the first to admit that I give my trust too quickly. I don't mind admitting my downfalls....

But I also believe that in different situations I give trust quicker than usual....ie...with a long time casual aquaintence or a friend of a friend....in these situations im more likely to go with my gut feeling.

My gut has been wrong before though. =P

Sure, and that makes perfect sense, and you're using your instincts as to what to think of the other person. That's better than just taking their word for it. If you start to get a bad feeling about someone, but aren't sure why, there's a good chance that you might be picking up on something they are saying/doing/acting on that might not be obvious to the eye. I'm a strong believer in "gut feelings", but try and balance it out with a little reason.

There's nothing wrong with being a trusting person, provided that you are aware when you're being trusting, and when you're being left exposed and vulnerable. Unfortunately, not everyone is who they seem and the people who can be trusted are indestinguishable from the ones who can't. I give trust in bits and peices now, but before I was probably too generous and trusting with some people. Mistakes are often the best taught lessons in life.

The question I have is.......is it possible to take your trust back and start new again......so that you know "they have good intentions towards you, not something to gain from you"?

My first thought is to say no, since I sometimes feel that people who make extremely nasty mistakes with others and whom are forgiven, might feel that they have a liscence to do the same again. By forgiving them, or letting the off the hook, they might see it as a "mistake" that they can do again, as they were forgiven the first time. Some feel that this is a sign that it's acceptable to walk all over you as a partner, and might cause the opposite result rather than garnering respect from them.

However, I am tempted to say yes, as there are often a great deal of miscommunications between people, since we sometimes expect others to be mind readers. Or know us well enough to the point they should know the physical and/or verbal cues that should tip others off as to what's going on or what they want. Miscommunications happen, but I'd want to be certain that it's a misunderstanding before I would want to try again and start new.

From the Ministry of your question makes perfect sense, here's hoping my answers are making sense, as I am stone deaf from Mr. Howells and bloody fucking tired.

Prime Minister Highsteppa

 

[Shann]

For the record, I am not insane and I do not play mindgames.

Thank you

 

[BigBadBaldy]

Originally posted by Cheer Bear
JOY TO THE FISHES IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA

JOY TO YOUUU AND MEEEE

My respect for you grows with every passing day!

BBB.

Thanks for my first pure LOL of the day, Sweets.

 

[BigBadBaldy]

I find I play more mindgames on myself than anyone else ever does.

That can be a problem, as I can usually tell when someone else is fucking with me, but it's not as clear when I'm twisting myself up.

BBB.

Thinking about breaking up with myself..

 

[Temper Tantrum]

As much as I'm usually on my "men are evil" rant sometimes you find a good one

Same goes for girls.

~allie~

 

[Cheer Bear]

Originally posted by BigBadBaldy


My respect for you grows with every passing day!

BBB.

Thanks for my first pure LOL of the day, Sweets.

JEREMIAHHHHHHHH was a bulllfroooooooooog...

and thanks, I think. I was just listening to that at the time. heheh.

 

[BigBadBaldy]

Whenever I hear that song it makes me vividly remember being 7 years old, and they would make us do exercises beside our desks every morning to a bunch of songs like "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Capt. and Tennile, "The Popcorn Song" and "Joy To The World".

BBB.

One of my purest and most innocent memories.

 

[Cheer Bear]

Originally posted by BigBadBaldy
Whenever I hear that song it makes me vividly remember being 7 years old, and they would make us do exercises beside our desks every morning to a bunch of songs like "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Capt. and Tennile, "The Popcorn Song" and "Joy To The World".

BBB.

One of my purest and most innocent memories.

Well I'm glad I could help you reminise.

 

[Karim]

I was recently a victim to what I think were indeliberate mind games. I met this girl, she was smart, beautiful, easy to talk to, comforting, ahh, lets just say I fell for her. First time I truely fell for someone.

We went out a couple of times, and I really enjoyed her company very much. I didn't stop thinking about her for weeks, and we would spend alot of time together on "dates".

No progress was being made after about 2 weeks. It was basically, go out, eat dinner, play pool, go home, no kiss. During our conversations, she seemed really in to me, and I was totally into her.

Well one time I see her, and I express my emotions, and tell her I want to be more then really good friends.

"Friends is all I can handle right now". Not the answer I wanted to hear. I was crushed. I felt really really bad.

That night, I was just downright upset. This seemingly perfect girl, just blew me off.

And I started to think, why would she spend so much time with me if she didn't want anything out of it?

She still talks to me and wants to keep a strong friendship. But I will always see her in a different light, then I would if she was just a friend. Ughh, I'm chocked up typing this.

All in all, I thought it was all gonna be great and smooth driving, till I drove into a wall. I cared a little too much about this one and it led to nothing.

She was just "too nice" I figure, and her niceness came off as green lights to advance into a meaningful relationship. Sadly they were not.

Time to try my aim at other girls again, and hopefully find a girl I can fall for as hard as I did with the girl I speak of above.

<---- Mind games suck.
Karim

 

[el presidente Highsteppa]

1) Love knows no limits. My own personal experience has taught me that you can think of your best relationship in either two ways.

• Wallow in pity and feel sorry for yourself since you have now loved and lost. Do the typical, standard and quite frankly unproductive actions of fauning over how great they were, despite the fact that you probably broke up for a good reason. Think to yourself that relationships don't get much better than what you had with that person, no matter how damaged or wrong things were and how much disrespect was shown to you.
• That the best relationship you had is now the benchmark of what your next relationship should either at least meet or exceed. Anything less is unacceptable and not worth your time.

Thinking in the former often says that the person is living in the moment and not looking forward to tomorrow. You lived your life fine and dandy before you met that person, you will live your life fine and dandy again, if not better after them. It will just take a bit of time. Think in the latter, and you give yourself a goal to strive for that will inevitably maker you a happier person.

2) Although it might seem like some people are playing mind games by reaching out and spending time with you, it might be that they are looking for a sympathetic ear. Vulnerability can sometimes be misinterpreted as affection, when it is more a need to heal. It's not easy to feel good about yourself when this misreading of intentions occurs, because one could think that the hurting person might be looking for someone to hurt for their own hurt. That is not the case. Showing you care is not a bad thing but resenting someone because you did, doesn't really strike me as being fair. However, a person that leans hard on someone else can be a bit of a burden from time to time too. It all depends on how much you let them lean, and how much they lean. Blame in these sorts of cases are best left undetermined and deemed mutual I find.

From the Ministry of no attacks, just advice.

Prime Minister Highsteppa

 

[Karim]

Thanks for the advice James.

But reading your post, you say that

".....might be looking for someone to hurt for their own hurt"

Honestly, with this girl, our conversations were SO positive. We made plans to go sky diving, go backpacking in Thailand, go with her to England (cause she goes every summer). Everything was looking forward to the future. Example of conversation:

Karim: My dream vacation would be backpacking through Thailand, and spending some time on a nice remote beach.
Girl: Sounds fantastic, who would you go with? Your brother?
Karim: Hahaha, no, I would take a girl, somebody special to share the moments with.
Girl: Can I start packing now?

Now, this kinda conversation happened all the time! I don't think we ever said anything negative, or brought out anything bad from the past. Nothing but all smiles.

She actually told me that she would rather be single right now because now is a time of her life where she has other things to concentrate, such as schooling and her future. This is a Valid excuse, but then again, nothing should stand in the way of love, and this has, so I know that her initial feelings aren't as strong as mine were/are. Well, that's my conclusion after my overanalysis.

But you are right, I shouldn't let this hang over me for a long time. I'll still make an effort to be great friends with her.

My buddies tell me there could still be some romance down the road, when she hits a steady time of her life.

Thanks for the advice

Karim

 

[Stormshadow]

Originally posted by Karim
I was recently a victim to what I think were indeliberate mind games. I met this girl, she was smart, beautiful, easy to talk to, comforting, ahh, lets just say I fell for her. First time I truely fell for someone.

We went out a couple of times, and I really enjoyed her company very much. I didn't stop thinking about her for weeks, and we would spend alot of time together on "dates".

No progress was being made after about 2 weeks. It was basically, go out, eat dinner, play pool, go home, no kiss. During our conversations, she seemed really in to me, and I was totally into her.

Well one time I see her, and I express my emotions, and tell her I want to be more then really good friends.

"Friends is all I can handle right now". Not the answer I wanted to hear. I was crushed. I felt really really bad.

That night, I was just downright upset. This seemingly perfect girl, just blew me off.

And I started to think, why would she spend so much time with me if she didn't want anything out of it?

She still talks to me and wants to keep a strong friendship. But I will always see her in a different light, then I would if she was just a friend. Ughh, I'm chocked up typing this.

All in all, I thought it was all gonna be great and smooth driving, till I drove into a wall. I cared a little too much about this one and it led to nothing.

She was just "too nice" I figure, and her niceness came off as green lights to advance into a meaningful relationship. Sadly they were not.

Brotha, the exact same thing happened to me.
I feel your pain.

 

[el presidente Highsteppa]

Originally posted by Karim
Thanks for the advice James.

But reading your post, you say that

".....might be looking for someone to hurt for their own hurt"

Honestly, with this girl, our conversations were SO positive. We made plans to go sky diving, go backpacking in Thailand, go with her to England (cause she goes every summer). Everything was looking forward to the future. Example of conversation:

Karim: My dream vacation would be backpacking through Thailand, and spending some time on a nice remote beach.
Girl: Sounds fantastic, who would you go with? Your brother?
Karim: Hahaha, no, I would take a girl, somebody special to share the moments with.
Girl: Can I start packing now?

Now, this kinda conversation happened all the time! I don't think we ever said anything negative, or brought out anything bad from the past. Nothing but all smiles.

She actually told me that she would rather be single right now because now is a time of her life where she has other things to concentrate, such as schooling and her future. This is a Valid excuse, but then again, nothing should stand in the way of love, and this has, so I know that her initial feelings aren't as strong as mine were/are. Well, that's my conclusion after my overanalysis.

But you are right, I shouldn't let this hang over me for a long time. I'll still make an effort to be great friends with her.

My buddies tell me there could still be some romance down the road, when she hits a steady time of her life.

Thanks for the advice

Karim

I totally hear what your saying brother. Judging from what you're saying, I could totally see how you feel and why you feel that way. Could be that she's just confused and not sure which direction she wants to go, as it seems like she's giving out mixed messages. That doesn't make her a bad person, just not the right person for you at this juncture of time.

And yes, in essence I do believe that nothing should stand in the way of love, but fate has a nasty habit of putting up obstacles for us to cross. And many of us make the mistake of believing that the reward of overcoming these obstacles is undeniably worth it. Not always the case I have found. We might cross those barriers and obstacles, only to find that we were going after an illusion of the person we seek out, when the real them might be a huge disappoinment.

Again, there will be other people, and you're perfectly valid in feeling the way you do. My posts were meant more as a precaution of don't fall into a spiral of self pity, which some people can fall into. It's unproductive and prevents you as a person from attracting the next person you encounter and getting a chance to know them as an individual and hopefully a significant other.

From the Ministry of still believes in happily ever after, but knows a lot of work comes before the end.

Prime Minister Highsteppa

 

[cosmic]

Originally posted by el presidente Highsteppa

Unfortunately, not everyone is who they seem and the people who can be trusted are indestinguishable from the ones who can't. I give trust in bits and peices now, but before I was probably too generous and trusting with some people. Mistakes are often the best taught lessons in life.

I totally agree with this, and have DEFINATELY been burned in the past....but I can't see myself changing, even if I wanted to, I know if the same thing happened again I would probably deal out the same amount of trust. Unfortunately.

As for what you said about: "The question I have is.......is it possible to take your trust back and start new again......so that you know "they have good intentions towards you, not something to gain from you"?"

I think you are right. If you forgive people, they will try again to do the same thing, and if you keep in your forgiving, trusting, human state, to forgive them they will continue to walk all over you. Even if you say to someone that what did was mean, if you forgive them, without making a "!!BIG DEAL!!" about it then they feel like they can do it to you again. But then...the catch...if you make a "BIG DEAL" you feel like you are in the wrong because you are making a big deal out of it.

As for miscommunication, I have the same feeling......it could be that or a combination of both more likely. Not communicating your feelings when someone has hurt you is miscommunication, ans subsequently "forgiving" them will likely come next....

Letting things go when they really should really be discussed, because you think it will cause more hurt, and therefore allowing the person to get into their groove in the relationship can be really detrimental to the other person and the entire relationship.

I believe that you can TRY to take your trust back and start again. But I think you have to be VERY strong willed not to give into things that you would have previously, as it is almost a habit to let some things go.

But then again who knows......maybe situations like that are hopeless.

=/


whoa i wrote alot....sorree =)