It's Monday... You're coworkers ask you "How was the weekend?"

[Jeffsus]

In another thread I've posted Toccata and Fugue in D minor. Look it up if you care.

I'd have this conversation with a very small selection of readers on this board.

I guess, let me tell you how the Monday starts.

Invariably, with my 120VAC real alarm clock from the 1980's because it doesn't need any battery backup and it's really fuckin loud at 6:00am on any day. It has buttons that are really small and I don't know which ones to push to by the time I get so pissed off and frustrated, I'm already out of bead. Mission accomplished.

I presume you aren't very interested in how I wake up. After all, I'm not at all interested in how you wake up. Perhaps it's more how we go to bed that's more interesting.

So when I went to bed on Thursday, I was quite concerned about how I could wake up on Friday and co-communicate that everything was as normal as my coworkers adventures, whatever they might be on a Thursday.

I need to skip a step here, but once I woke at the behest of my blackberry alarm, I took a glance around the room.

me> Oh shit, this room is still not repainted yet....
me> "Hey, dude"
+1 minute me> "HEY dude!"
+20seconds > "Get the fuck up!"

I went into the shower. Did the civil things that normal people do. I was quite impressed with myself that I could still a Windsor knot for my tie. Didn't have my shoes on yet, but then remembered, probably because I was still half drunk, the boy in my bed.

me> "DUDE! Wake the fuck up!"

I called a cab at the same time and he disappeared somewhere and I did very good things for your comfortable ability to live as a Canadian importing and exporting the things that we all need.

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

Ah, I didn't finish my post.

They ask me, "How was your weekend?"

I just say,

"It was good."

-jM
A&D

 

[Bernnie Federko]

Born to Party, Forced to work.

 

[kirstenmeows]

Isn't that all of us??

 

[Jeffsus]

Born to Party, Forced to work.

I have a magnet thing on my microwave that says this exact quote.

Have you been in my kitchen?

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

You'll be happy to know that I imported 1000 bird house kits from China. Apparently earth day is coming up. One of the more unusual things along with the usual hydrogen peroxide and nitric acid.

Did you know that if you store hydrogen peroxide above 30% concentration in Canada there are all kinds of special regulations and mechanical devices needed to do so legally? I negotiated with a company in BC to manufacture the stuff at 29%. I got a nice bonus for this.

-jM
A&D

 

[RumRogerz]

Depending on the weekend and it's intensity, and the fact that I don't work in corporate, I am granted a more liberal way to express myself about my weekend to my co-workers.

So when I came in on Monday and was asked by the kitchen staff "how was your weekend?"

I said this.

Well it started off with my friend who called me and invited me to dinner for her birthday. I of course accepted, seeing that her fiancee is out of town for the next month and she had nobody else to chill with. We go to a generic, uninspired classical "Italian" restaurant in Yorkville that people can't seem to get enough of. We order a bottle of Champagne which I share with her, and I order a bottle of 2011 Le Volte because of it's price not because of vintage I assure you. I was hoping there would be a French wine selection as I was really craving a hot vintage Cotes du Rhone, but alas, Italians are pretty racist when it comes to building wine lists in their restaurant. My bottle of wine finishes rather quickly, as does the champagne. I'm legendary at building rapport with waiters (since I'm in the industry) and after dinner we were given heavy glasses of brandy and lemoncello as a digestif. She doesn't touch liquor, so I had the pleasantries of quaffing them back at a leisurely pace.
After which, we went to this place called "One" on Cumberland. It was full of your usual douchebaggery, snobby pretentious people, so we naturally felt relaxed. We order another bottle of Champagne. I order 4 G&T's because I was thirsty and Champagne runs out quick.
We're both pretty drunk. But we wanted to still party and dance.
We hop into a cab and go to a club somewhere in the core. I can't remember the name or the address of the place any longer because I was far too deep to give a shit.
We get in, and order another bottle of Champagne. I decide it would be more prudent to only order 2 G&T's and 4 Heineken so I can begin to coast. We dance and have fun. Then she gets close and starts kissing me. I know she's engaged, but I don't care. She's super attractive and I'm super handsome. Thing is with me, is that I'm a deviant. A woman cannot just shove her tongue down my throat and not have me respond with voracity. I fucking love making out and I love women. There was a pool table that was unattended nearby. I took swift use of it. I pulled her up and slammed her down on the pool table. Spread her legs, pulled her closer to me and raved her chest and neck. My hands were firmly under her skirt. When I'm in the zone, I don't care what happens, and when people watch I get turned on.
Bouncer comes over and pulls us away. He stated that we couldn't be doing that there, and it was inappropriate and blah blah blah. I don't cause any issues. I apologise and we back away. We continue to dance, drink Champagne and make out on the dance floor.
Problem is, I can't just stop myself. So we find ourselves back at the pool table, but this time she is bent over it as my pelvis slowly creeps into her pelvis, and I'm not holding myself back. Her skirt is waist high again and I'm loving it. Lot's of bros watching with their Bud Lights in hand and jaws dropped.
Bouncer comes again and asks us to leave. I said okay, okay. I understand.We gather our stuff and begin to head out. As I was leaving, one of the bro's gets my attention and says to me "Dude, I've always wanted to do what you just did." I just simply reply with "Then just fucking do it."
We head out to her hotel room at this place called The Shangrila. It's nice in there. Order another bottle of Champagne. Made her scream all night. I love sex, especially when it's immoral.

 

[Jeffsus]

Well, Mr. RumRogers, you have attracted my attention.

I like the part where you proclaim that you are "super handsome". It takes a bold man to make such an acclaim.

I also appreciate the fact that you enjoy Gin and Tonics. I'd ask which gin, and perhaps more importantly which tonic, but frankly, it doesn't matter. Booze.

I'm not quite sure about the pleasantness on the pool table. Usually when I do that there are lots of angry words and in a few cases handcuffs. I try to discriminate that now.

By discriminate, I mean there is a Vietnamese sex club downtown where everything goes. When I'm feeling, say, in the "mood", I go there. Or if I have a date and don't want to do laundry the next day. We call the bouncer "Mr. George" but I'm sure it's really "Nguyen" <-- ? how the fuck is this pronounced?

For those in Kitchener it's in the plaza on Queen and Charles. But you "have to know a guy". Don't use my name.

And seriously poster, "Shangrila?" I have trouble believing that but.

Tell you what. Let's meet up in person, and let's see who can debauch further than the other. Game rules: no hitting on me, no me hitting on you.

Also we need, or at least I need, 72 hours booked off work, as a start.

-jM
A&D

 

[RumRogerz]

Aye can agree on those terms, however you will need to believe me when I say that I did indeed spend a night at the Shangrila hotel.

I prefer Tanq and Tonic, and my tonic of preference is schweeps unless it's a fancy place that offers fever tree.

It's not that I'm bold to proclaim such a statement, however I don't in any way find myself unattractive in any way. Handsomeness comes in many masks. I'm not necessarily 'hot' but I'm comfortable in my own skin and I take relatively good care of myself, dress well and wear funky socks.

 

[videotronic]

i propose i tag along and film. 72 hours of that and we could make at least one season of a reality show for sure.

 

[Bernnie Federko]

Have you been in my kitchen?

Not yet.

 

[spaboy]

All your guys partying stories make me feel broke as shit

 

[Jeffsus]

Aye can agree on those terms, however you will need to believe me when I say that I did indeed spend a night at the Shangrila hotel.

All right, I believe you. However, when I say 72 hours, I mean 72 hours. Not 48 hours and a day to recoup and go to work.

Not FORM 1 72 hours and I'm in the psych ward.

You realize, there are daylight hours involved. I'll make it easy for you. I'll provide the cocaine. Do you smoke crack? No tobacco indoors.

If you have a wife or GF she might get worried. Come up with some bullshit story ahead of time, like a business trip or something. In fact, we might have to leave the country anyway, as I've been banned from many places.

Frankly, we'll need more than just drugs to keep us awake. I can take care of that. Really, actually, I can just take care of everything. All I need is someone to survive with me, maybe take a few pictures, and go home smelling like a rose.

-jM
A&D

 

[Jeffsus]

All your guys partying stories make me feel broke as shit

Hello Spaboy.

Tell me please how you chose that pseudonym?

So far, I think you're a stand up gentleman. Which is a real compliment, coming from me.

-jM
A&D

 

[spaboy]

Watches

 

[Bernnie Federko]

 

[Jeffsus]

I need to skip a step here, but once I woke at the behest of my blackberry alarm, I took a glance around the room.

Well now that I'm drunk and high enough, I'll fill in this step.

I own an apartment and in that apartment lives a prostitute. She has friends. Lots of friends.

For those of you who read carefully, I'm gonna burst your bubble. I was sick on "Monday" but didn't show up until "Friday". Because I was "sick". This is what I consider a weekend.

The benefits of having a prostitute for a roommate are manyfold. First and foremost, are the drugs. Secondly, she can have "friends" over in a heartbeat. Lucky for me, we did both. That's why I was sick for four days.

Ahhh yeah she's not so good at the males, like I said somewhere else, only two, but that really didn't matter to me.

It's like going to a strip club. Why would a gay guy go to a strip club? Because it's fucking full of horny guys who aren't going to get anything after looking at naked women all night! And they're DRUNK. I defer to MoFo on this strategy.

So I asked my tennant to call all her friends, she could only come up with six, and two men. Good enough. I called my gay homies for the drugs. That worked out fine.

I can't say that everyone was a friend of mine. In fact, most of them I didn't even know. But they certainly liked pussy and I certainly liked watching them take it.

I sort of got bored after a few minutes and went to make myself a Gin and Tonic. One of the male rippers had taken it upon himself to be a bartender. I didn't really fucking care because I knew I was paying for the whole shabang. You know what, now that I think about it, maybe that guy didn't even know that I was the dude in charge? Maybe he was just feeling a bit unloved? The other naked male, well, I didn't see him. He was gone somewhere.

me> "Gin and tonic."

The man (boy?) was literally wearing no clothes. I know this only because I paid for it. But behind the bar I could only see that he was shirtless. He stood very close to the bar and glasses, maybe he was shy. I could see nothing south of his navel.

me> "You know what, just gin."
man> "You know what, I can make an awesome tequila sunrise."

I don't know why, but that rubbed me the wrong way.

me> "Who the fuck are you? Give me my fuckin gin!"

And so it goes....

As it turns out he wasn't naked, he was wearing some kind of speedo, or swim trunks, but very low cut. As it turns out, he learned that I was the guy paying his cheque.

I was a little worse for the wear, man that kid was strong, but once everything was cleared up I got my gin. And I learned his name, "Geoff", from Brantford. Good sport all in all. Then we did a couple lines and, well, everything worked out after that.

That sad part is that I didn't get to shag Geoff, (I hate that spelling), and I'm not sure where his coworker ended up, though I paid them both, cash. But he was quite a gentleman following the "incident" and I really have to give him props for looking naked even though he wasn't. I'm sure the women guests appreciated it, and frankly, many of the male guests too.

-jM
A&D

 

[RumRogerz]

All right, I believe you. However, when I say 72 hours, I mean 72 hours. Not 48 hours and a day to recoup and go to work.

Not FORM 1 72 hours and I'm in the psych ward.

You realize, there are daylight hours involved. I'll make it easy for you. I'll provide the cocaine. Do you smoke crack? No tobacco indoors.

If you have a wife or GF she might get worried. Come up with some bullshit story ahead of time, like a business trip or something. In fact, we might have to leave the country anyway, as I've been banned from many places.

Frankly, we'll need more than just drugs to keep us awake. I can take care of that. Really, actually, I can just take care of everything. All I need is someone to survive with me, maybe take a few pictures, and go home smelling like a rose.

-jM
A&D

Accepted. I don't smoke crack though, but that won't be an issue. I can match your 72 solid hours no problem. All I ask for is food to sustain mah boday.
I don't mind leaving the country, but that requires me having my mind in total control when I'm at the airport... that's an issue sometimes because I'm way too much in the mood and start creating a ruckus because I find it fun.