The Watcher
TRIBE Member
I do...
-Nick
-Nick
-
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It's after 5am, do you know where your parents are?
- Thread starter The Watcher
- Start date
The Watcher
TRIBE Member
My Dad Died last month,... I can live with it, can you?
The Watcher
TRIBE Member
You're Morbid.
-Sick
geminigirl
TRIBE Member
^^^it's not very funny to joke about parents being deseased....poor taste in humour
trinitydub
TRIBE Member
Yeah, as someone who fits into that category as well, I'd stay away from it.
Please.
Please.
trinitydub
TRIBE Member
I dunno, I'm not at that point where I can joke about it yet.
geminigirl
TRIBE Member
...my Father died of Cancer not too long ago....I do not find it funny at all to make a joke about someone who passed on.
Maxine
Maxine
The Watcher
TRIBE Member
I've come to terms with my Father's Passing.
I can think about it freely and I know that my Father was a Great Man loved by everyone and has made an impact on everyone that he knew.
I did not start this thread knowing it would go this way, it was more of a joke really, not having anything to do with Death.
So I apologize if anyone is distraught by feelings that may have rizen from the avenue that this thread is taking.
-Nick
I can think about it freely and I know that my Father was a Great Man loved by everyone and has made an impact on everyone that he knew.
I did not start this thread knowing it would go this way, it was more of a joke really, not having anything to do with Death.
So I apologize if anyone is distraught by feelings that may have rizen from the avenue that this thread is taking.
-Nick
Indeed... I don't mean to make anyone distraught.
But, I think there should really be a shift in how death is presented, i.e. it shouldn't be closeted. It should be discussed much, much more openly. There is no such thing as an "unexpected" death.
It's really strange to me that something that is 100% guaranteed to happen to all of us is not discussed.
Well, that and the sex thing: without sex, none of us would be here, and it too is closeted and warped and made into something forbidden or something.
What a world.
But, I think there should really be a shift in how death is presented, i.e. it shouldn't be closeted. It should be discussed much, much more openly. There is no such thing as an "unexpected" death.
It's really strange to me that something that is 100% guaranteed to happen to all of us is not discussed.
Well, that and the sex thing: without sex, none of us would be here, and it too is closeted and warped and made into something forbidden or something.
What a world.
Cheer Bear
TRIBE Member
I agree.
No one wants to joke about their deceased loved ones, and I find laughing about memories with that person makes you feel a whole lot better about the death itself.
No one wants to joke about death, but we all gotta die someday.
Cheer Bear
TRIBE Member
Oh and I know where my parents are at 5am: asleep.
geminigirl
TRIBE Member
I love to talk about my Father and make jokes about the funny shit that he did when he was alive....I do not think that anyone tried to offend anyone....but I think that there is a tasteful way of discussing those who are no longer with us.
Peace, Maxine
Peace, Maxine
trinitydub
TRIBE Member
I'm not even at the point where I'm able to discuss my dad without getting real upset....it's been almost fifteen months for me, and it hasn't gotten any easier.
Probably because I've only got two friends who have been through the same thing, and it wasn't the same telling stories about him to my friends whose parents were still alive....
Over the past week I decided to embark on a new musical journey - listening to the complete discography of Bruce Springsteen, the one artist that my dad absolutely ADORED. I grew up on Bruce, especially when I was living in the southern US, it was everywhere. Every night when he'd pick me up from work in highschool we'd drive home in silence listening to Born To Run, and then when I left home, I didn't hear any more Bruce Springsteen until his funeral.
So I downloaded a lot (and am planning on snagging his CDs when I go visit my mom tomorrow) and listened to it all a couple nights ago, and cried for a damn long time.
I think this is going to make it easier though.
What has everyone else done to deal?
Probably because I've only got two friends who have been through the same thing, and it wasn't the same telling stories about him to my friends whose parents were still alive....
Over the past week I decided to embark on a new musical journey - listening to the complete discography of Bruce Springsteen, the one artist that my dad absolutely ADORED. I grew up on Bruce, especially when I was living in the southern US, it was everywhere. Every night when he'd pick me up from work in highschool we'd drive home in silence listening to Born To Run, and then when I left home, I didn't hear any more Bruce Springsteen until his funeral.
So I downloaded a lot (and am planning on snagging his CDs when I go visit my mom tomorrow) and listened to it all a couple nights ago, and cried for a damn long time.
I think this is going to make it easier though.
What has everyone else done to deal?
geminigirl
TRIBE Member
^^^Trinitydub, I'm very sorry that your Father passed away too. It's been 5 years and a bit for me. It has been a very long road to get to the point where I am at right now. I am o.k. with his passing. This was my familie's journey. We are stronger and more spiritualy enlightened because of it. Up until about 2 years ago I was a mess. Meaning that I was just numbing myself by way overindulging in the substances. I hope that you don't take that route. Now I am dealing with it at a sober level and it feels way better. My words to you are to enjoy all of your memories of your dad....enjoy looking at his pictures. I believe time does heal...but for you it is still quite fresh. Peace to you.
Maxine
Maxine
Time is the healer.
And don't ever feel guilt for "not thinging about them enough" or anything. You know, I can't even remember the date when my mother died. It's just not important. What is important is the thought that she would have wanted me to carry on my life, not obsess over her inevitable passing.
You are allowed to obsess, but at some point, on some level, it can be destructive and unhealthy. Right now it still is healthy (I'm presuming).
Think about what you would want people to do if you died. Think about that, and do that.
And don't ever feel guilt for "not thinging about them enough" or anything. You know, I can't even remember the date when my mother died. It's just not important. What is important is the thought that she would have wanted me to carry on my life, not obsess over her inevitable passing.
You are allowed to obsess, but at some point, on some level, it can be destructive and unhealthy. Right now it still is healthy (I'm presuming).
Think about what you would want people to do if you died. Think about that, and do that.
el presidente Highsteppa
TRIBE Member
Time is one half of it, honesty with yourself and an ability to confront yourself with everything you're feeling is the other. Too often people feel that time on its own will heal it, but it's serious and very difficult emotional growth and evolution that's going on as well. Feelings of guilt, anger, sadness and such should be dealt with, and understanding why you're feeling that way, and whether or not you're justified in feeling that way is key to understanding how you interacted with that person (be they friend, family or whatever). Blame, I feel, is unimportant, and a distraction to the issue at hand: that we feel cheated that we lost someone that was dear and precious to us. Blame is just trying to find some explaination to the loss of that person.
From the Ministry of time yes, self awareness as well
Prime Minister Highsteppa
From the Ministry of time yes, self awareness as well
Prime Minister Highsteppa
somasociety
TRIBE Member
Death is a natural part of life.
Yes, there will always be sadness associated with it, and indeed there should be, on some level.
But death and funerals and wakes can/should be a celebration of that person's LIFE. That is what was important, and what was wonderful and special. One of the best wakes I ever went to was for my friend's father, who was British and an actor. His death was sudden and unexpected, and of course immensely tragic. Dwelling on that is not healthy, or constructive. So they had the wake in a local pub, and his friends and family gathered and laughed and told stories and read from his works and drank alot of Guinness. Everyone was sad at his passing, but everyone knew what he would want, and what was best, somehow, was to put that aside and celebrate his life and loves.
though postmod's right about bringing death 'out of the closet', i'm pretty sure it'll never happen. people don't want to think about the 'end' of life, and find it difficult to find goodness in it.. it's much easier to simply put your faith in something that tells you the 'end' isn't really the end, so don't worry about it or think about it because everything's just going to be fine, blah blah blah.
i don't think that's healthy either, but this isn't a 'religion is the opiate of the masses' thread, so i'm gonna stop now
Yes, there will always be sadness associated with it, and indeed there should be, on some level.
But death and funerals and wakes can/should be a celebration of that person's LIFE. That is what was important, and what was wonderful and special. One of the best wakes I ever went to was for my friend's father, who was British and an actor. His death was sudden and unexpected, and of course immensely tragic. Dwelling on that is not healthy, or constructive. So they had the wake in a local pub, and his friends and family gathered and laughed and told stories and read from his works and drank alot of Guinness. Everyone was sad at his passing, but everyone knew what he would want, and what was best, somehow, was to put that aside and celebrate his life and loves.
though postmod's right about bringing death 'out of the closet', i'm pretty sure it'll never happen. people don't want to think about the 'end' of life, and find it difficult to find goodness in it.. it's much easier to simply put your faith in something that tells you the 'end' isn't really the end, so don't worry about it or think about it because everything's just going to be fine, blah blah blah.
i don't think that's healthy either, but this isn't a 'religion is the opiate of the masses' thread, so i'm gonna stop now
geminigirl
TRIBE Member
^^^yep, you never know who you may offend...sounds like there are quite a few of us Tribers who have lost parents.
Maxine
Maxine
trinitydub
TRIBE Member
Yeah....I was hoping this would become a 'share some cool stories about out parents' thread....I dunno.
My dad always used to embarrass the hell out of me by picking me up at the subway - sometimes with friends, once with the first guy I dated - and open all the windows and the sunroof of his car and fucking BLAST his Patsy Cline CD, because I hated it so much.
And I would hang my head in shame on my walk to the car as he flicked his headlights on and off to the beat.
(What beat?)
JC
My dad always used to embarrass the hell out of me by picking me up at the subway - sometimes with friends, once with the first guy I dated - and open all the windows and the sunroof of his car and fucking BLAST his Patsy Cline CD, because I hated it so much.
And I would hang my head in shame on my walk to the car as he flicked his headlights on and off to the beat.
(What beat?)
JC
geminigirl
TRIBE Member
^^^That is pretty funny shit! I am glad you can enjoy the humour in it. When I was younger my Dad was pretty embarrassing too, along the same lines as your Dad...but no funny stories come to mind right now. My Dad and I were very tight. I know I was the fav. child. He didn't treat me any better than my brother but it was just obvious we had more compatible personalities and a tighter bond. It is hard to loose someone so special....and yes it is nice and healthy to think and talk about fun times we had with our parents who are no longer here.
Peace,Maxine
Peace,Maxine
My mom just left yesterday to go backpackingin Thailand with her girlfriend. She has explicit instructions to bring me back some high power thai liquor.
my dad just showed up and dropped me off a case of beer. He said,
"I'm going fishing with george. Get the sausages ready we'll be back in a few hours with more beer and we're gonna have a BBQ. Tell the neighbours to come over."
So I got out the sausages, and have had three beers. I like when I ask my dad to "bring me a beer", he brings two.
That is all.
Must cook now.
-jM
A&D
my dad just showed up and dropped me off a case of beer. He said,
"I'm going fishing with george. Get the sausages ready we'll be back in a few hours with more beer and we're gonna have a BBQ. Tell the neighbours to come over."
So I got out the sausages, and have had three beers. I like when I ask my dad to "bring me a beer", he brings two.
That is all.
Must cook now.
-jM
A&D