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I'm Comic Sans, asshole

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by diablo, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. diablo

    diablo TRIBE Member

    Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency: I'm Comic Sans, Asshole.

    Listen up. I know the shit you've been saying
    behind my back. You think I'm stupid.
    You think I'm immature. You think I'm a
    malformed, pathetic excuse for a font.
    Well think again, nerdhole, because I'm Comic Sans,
    and I'm the best thing to happen to
    typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.

    You don't like that your coworker used me on
    that note about stealing her yogurt from the
    break room fridge? You don't like that I'm all
    over your sister-in-law's blog? You don't like
    that I'm on the sign for that new Thai place?
    You think I'm pedestrian and tacky? Guess
    the fuck what, Picasso. We don't all have
    seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass
    Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch
    MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can't all
    be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry
    some people like to have fun. Sorry I'm
    standing in the way of your minimalist
    Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe
    sometime you should take off your black
    turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your
    Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for

    People love me. Why? Because I'm fun. I'm
    the life of the party. I bring levity to any
    situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh
    message about restroom etiquette? SLAM.
    There I am. Need to spice up the directions
    to your graduation party? WHAM. There
    again. Need to convey your fun-loving,
    approachable nature on your business'
    website? SMACK. Like daffodils in
    motherfucking spring.

    When people need to kick back, have fun, and
    party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic
    fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair,
    I'm banging the prom queen behind the
    woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the
    clarinet, I'm shredding "Reign In Blood" on my
    double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is
    refilling his allergy prescriptions, I'm racing
    my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic
    against Tokyo gangsters who'll kill me if I
    don't cross the finish line first. I am a sans
    serif Superman and my only kryptonite is
    pretentious buzzkills like you.

    It doesn't even matter what you think. You
    know why, jagoff? Cause I'm famous. I am on
    every major operating system since Microsoft
    fucking Bob. I'm in your signs. I'm in your
    browsers. I'm in your instant messengers. I'm
    not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking
    nature and I will not rest until every uptight
    armchair typographer cock-hat like you is
    surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired,
    sans-serif badassery.

    Enough of this bullshit. I'm gonna go get
    hammered with Papyrus.
  2. JamesM

    JamesM TRIBE Member

  3. Sal De Ban

    Sal De Ban TRIBE Member

    notes are so passive aggressive. i'm surprised that comic sans would stoop so low.
  4. Aphrodite

    Aphrodite TRIBE Member

    ha. I like font jokes

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