i have something to say.

[skyparty]

ok the last thread got me thinking...
and this is going to be long. i have alot to say.

there is not many people i can think of that over the past 2 years that would be worth mentioning in that nice thread. i've met alot of people over the past 2 years that i thought were really awesome people, people i partied with... hung out with... "icq/email" friendships etc... but for whatever reason -over time, and/or in a matter of seconds, my opinions of *some* of them have changed or some of them, because i barely even talked to them let alone gotten the chance to form an opinion... i have no opinions of... i keep thinking it was something i did or said... and sometimes it's been as simple as: people change. every situation was and has been very different.

lately i've come to the conclusion, that absolutely anyone who has ever known me, will never ever understand me! someone that hasn't really gotten the chance to know me - have really gotten alot of wrong impressions, and misinterpreted me and misunderstood me and whatever. i had a huge talk with my best friends that keep saying, even after years of friendship-- alot of times they can't even tell if i like them (but they know i luv em), let alone what's going on in my head... they say im hard to read...very confusing? that they have to remind themselves, that i am one of the most "different" people they have ever met and that i really don't give bad looks on purpose-- haha (apparently this has come to my attention jus recently!)

i know i am not myself/get really unsure and shy when put in a completely different environment, surrounded by different people, and feeling out of place. things get all out of balance... that's when i retreit into myself and take everything in...

what i've found with alot of TRIBE people i've met-- is that you are like any small community. some of you are really nice, some of you are accepting and totally cool (and awhole wack load of awesome things i could say!! i luv YOU guys!), some of you judge people and wrongly judge them, some of you are clique and snobby, some of you i just shake my head and wonder WHAT THE? and some of you spread rumours and some of you talk shit out of your asses! all fronten like you're the shiznitz. ya im a little pissed off at SOME of you.

you know, i really liked tribe. until i met some of you that totally just like- ahhh its so hard to go on a public message board and put myself out on the line like this!! but i HAVE TO DO IT. i trusted some of you, i considered you pretty good aquantainces, even friends....i may be different, and not friends with alot of you or your friends and we're totally different people... but i guess i'm really naiive in thinking that there are awesome people out there. people that share my carefree spirit...

anywayz enuf rambling on to specifics.


it all started and ended AT THE COTTAGE.

you know who you are: i thought we were friends... obivously not the best of friends we never got the chance-- but i trusted you. i meant everything and it was all genuinely from my heart, you lied about me, and i link you with the rumours (who else could it have been? you were THE ONLY ONE I TALKED TO! i was fuckin crying and upset and you seemed to be understanding and cool...) you totally ditched me and left me stranded. thank god for an awesome FRIEND i made that weekend because without him, i don;t know what i wouldv'e done. and before people start talking shit-- we're just that. nothing more. i was told you are a bitch, and to be careful, but i didnt believe them. why? you were so sweet, and seemed like such an awesome girl... maybe i have too much faith in people to think that they're realy cool people...were you all talk then? cuz iwas nothing but 100% honest with you all the time. i guess i should know never to trust people i know off the internet. but you know-- i can't hold that true. there are people that i have met, and known over the net that would NEVER EVER pull the shit that YOU or any one of you other fucks would ever do.

onto more rambling....

dont think that because i dont LIVE in toronto anymore that i'm not AFFECTED by anything that goes on. it's not like i don't know any of you personally, or haven't met any of you, or whatever...

you know, most of the time i dont give a shit about messageboards, and just say and do as i please. i have my friends, i have my awesome email pals, (joanna, and kelly *hugz*) i have the people i love to party with... and whatever, but when it comes to things being said about me personally, and things believed about me that arent true i get a little upset. because some people i talked to, now dont talk to me-- and i couldn't understand why? and i've done alot of thinking and it's all coming together....

so thank you tribe, for the memories both good and bad.
thank you to the people who never took the time to know me and realise that i'm one of the most beautiful people you couldv'e ever gotten the chance to get to know.
thank you to the people who spread rumours and to those who beleive them and laugh about them and make jokes
and thank to you the people who think im a slut, and have crazy stories,
and thank you to those of you who think i have low self esteem and need the internet to make me feel better about myself....
thank for the rude icq messages and emails
thank you for the lack of maturity and the many misunderstandings, and did i mention the lack of maturity?

i dont need to go on.

i love myself for who i am
i accept myself and all that i am, and am not- no ones perfect
i do not have to be somebody else to be liked, or accepted, or cool
i only care about my own opinion of myself and what any of you think or say, really doesnt change who i am.
i am sorry to those who haven't really gotten the chance to KNOW ME, so you know that i am a beautiful and fun girl-
and you're the ones missing out on a really great person.

i feel really bad for those of you who don't give a shit about anyone but yourselves....

you know, the world is full of awesome people
and it's a shame that *some of you* are wasting your time on keepin your noses stuck up in the air and your heart as cold as fuck. wholy shit... i can't even believe it.. i can't imagine walking around on this earth everyday living the lives you do. it's sick. maybe one day , you'll actually grow up .


you just don't have your eyes really opened to see that yes- amongst the millions of people- there really are only a bunch of people that are worth knowing. and i mean really worth it.

i know i haven't kept it really nice in this post
but i run my mouth sometimes
and i honestly only do it, when i'm sick and tired of the shit that goes on... and no one does or says anything about it...

ignore it like it doesnt exist.

and to those of you out there that are genuinely awesome people, thank you

smile, have fun, enjoy the life you have
it's the only one you got

*big massive hugz* to those people.
to joanna, to kelly, to james...
to the rest of the awesome people on this board...

*mwuah*

and the rest of you....
what the fuck evar.

thank you for hearing me out.
and i assume that next time i hit a tribe event, or next time you see me around... i'll get the evil eye, or get completely dissed.

and you know what, that's ok.
because there really only are a handful of people worth knowing...

and i'm just here to have fun anywayz.

peace.

narissa

 

[Stormshadow]

Honestly, can't you say it in less than 20 paragraphs?

 

[JEMZ]

I think that was well said... sometimes things just take more words than other things.

 

[Ditto Much]

Every now and then its best to stand up. Its best to say your peace and stand up for yourself.

Well put



Jeff

 

[junglisthead]

you go girl, its always good to vent.........

keep your head up.........

 

[KiX]

Why the fuck does this kinda shit have to be public? Jesus, take it up in person. No one else has anything to do with this.

=tina=

 

[JEMZ]

Originally posted by KiX
Why the fuck does this kinda shit have to be public? Jesus, take it up in person. No one else has anything to do with this.

=tina=

I have witnessed a whole ton of private shit go public on this board and the reality is that if you are not "in the mix" as Narissa had stated she was (not living in Toronto) it is difficult to do things in person. Besides, the mob mentality of Tribe has it's ways of making sure more often than not that private shit goes public through sly comment, insult and innuendo anyway. If it must be said than it must be said.

 

[skyparty]

actually tina.

i didn't direct this entire thread to any one person specifically.
it's different people actually....

and the one person i did say something to--
to clarify things for you

i tried calling you, and calling you and calling you... you ignored me. we could've talked about this but you chose not to.

it may be water under the bridge for you--
but i'm still hearing about shit what- 2 months later?
it's ridiculous.

and yes- thank you
i don't live in toronto
i can't just walk up and say my peace
i cant call and talk about it if they wont pick up the phone
i cant do it over icq if they ignore my messages

i cant even adress EVERYONE i want to, at one given time because of my situation.

i was pubicly humialiated behind my back
and it was even AT the cottage and i wasnt even aware of it

lies.


narissa

 

[Ditto Much]

Originally posted by KiX
Why the fuck does this kinda shit have to be public? Jesus, take it up in person. No one else has anything to do with this.

=tina=

I think the point is that some do...

 

[vinder]

Originally posted by Stormshadow
Honestly, can't you say it in less than 20 paragraphs?

actually, it was 30

 

[MoFo]

I'd just like to state that if friends are ditching you and treating you coldly for "rumours" then they're not your true friends anyway.

It takes two to tango and I don't think a lot of us on here are that fucking immature to judge someone solely based on what we've heard. So I think if you really want to come out on top, you should do some soul-searching and try to figure out why you're getting the reactions that you're getting from people.

I mean, there's rumours about me everywhere: that I screwed him or fucked this or said that. And I don't seem to have the problem of the people that I consider to be friends (individuals that I adore and respect) treating me any differently because of it. That's because they know who I am and what I've truly done.

Or if I have done things that they disagree with, they accept it. That's what friends do.

Maybe you should take a good look at yourself before making assumptions because making and keeping friends is a hard thing to do. Such is life.

 

[KiX]

I have no problem with the other shit she said, but bringing what's obviously strictly between two people up to a messageboard community of thousands of people....not cool!

Especially if it's slanderous. Isn't that like, defamation of character or something? Can she sue? Oh irony.

Narissa, obviously she doesn't want to talk to you anymore if you've called and called and called. Let it go!

=tina=

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by MoFo
Maybe you should take a good look at yourself before making assumptions because making and keeping friends is a hard thing to do. Such is life.

Paraphrasing:
When you assume, you make an ASS out of YOU and ME.

 

[Guest]

perhaps you should stop taking the internet so seriously....

just a thought....


Although I've met some cool people that are on this board, I could really care less about the majority of the people on it or their opinions of me.
It is just the internet after all...

 

[MoFo]

Originally posted by KiX
I have no problem with the other shit she said, but bringing what's obviously strictly between two people up to a messageboard community of thousands of people....not cool!

Especially if it's slanderous. Isn't that like, defamation of character or something? Can she sue? Oh irony.


=tina=

Okay, I'm not taking sides but don't you think she's been slandered enough as it is though? She has every right to post something on here but we also have every right to critique it, not censor it.

 

[MoFo]

Originally posted by MoFo


Okay, I'm not taking sides but don't you think she's been slandered enough as it is though? She has every right to post something on here but we also have every right to critique it, not censor it.

Oh, but you did say "oh irony..." Nevermind, Tina.

 

[French Disco Girl]

narissa bebe - there is a saying i like to live my life by - and that is, whatever is not done out of love - is done out of fear. our actions and reactions to personal situations are founded on those two powerful emotions. understand this, and you can better understand people and the stupid shit they do.

tina_bo_bina - everyone has at some point or another spewed unnecessary verbal garbage on this board when it has had no relevant relation to anyone reading, or if any, a small handful. you don't moderate it, i don't moderate it. it's neither your place nor anyone elses' to shoot anyone down for displaying their frustrations. sometimes all people need is an ear to bitch in to make themselves feel a little better, and to gather a more realistic perspective on the situation as a whole.

 

[KiX]

Originally posted by MoFo


Okay, I'm not taking sides but don't you think she's been slandered enough as it is though? She has every right to post something on here but we also have every right to critique it, not censor it.

Yah but it's like you said, "you should do some soul-searching and try to figure out why you're getting the reactions that you're getting from people. "

I agree, there is a certain mob-mentality and people get harassed and it often goes way over the line of whats reasonable. But it all starts somewhere, does it not?

I'd be saying this to anyone who has serious problems with someone and takes it up on a messageboard when it really should remain between the two of them.

I totally don't mind personal shit coming on here, inside jokes and the like.... but when it's a -serious- issue as this seems to be, i totally see no need to bring this shit up to thousands of people who are not a part of it at all.

PS. This is all one big inside joke that none of you will understand.

=tina=

 

[skyparty]

Originally posted by MoFo
So I think if you really want to come out on top, you should do some soul-searching and try to figure out why you're getting the reactions that you're getting from people.

i'll give you on simple answer:

because they believe that they want.

noone has even approached me and talked me about this, so how do i know what went on?

I mean, there's rumours about me everywhere: that I screwed him or fucked this or said that.

it's not even just the rumour/s

i doubt that i even been toronto enuf times to disrespect any of you or say anything about you... that wasnt true to the best of my knowledge.

i don't lie.
i dont have any reason to.
i'm not perfect, but i don't need lies.

And I don't seem to have the problem of the people that I consider to be friends (individuals that I adore and respect) treating me any differently because of it. That's because they know who I am and what I've truly done

as do my FRIENDS...

Maybe you should take a good look at yourself before making assumptions because making and keeping friends is a hard thing to do. Such is life.

assumptions? maybe my own personal intrepration,
but what else do i have to go on?

and yes thank you, i don't need you to tell me to take a good look at myself.... i know who i am... i look in the mirror and i know.

Narissa, obviously she doesn't want to talk to you anymore if you've called and called and called. Let it go!

it did.
until it all came about again... and again and again....

and everyone was led to believe what ever...

and i'm sorry, i don't like when people *i know* stop talking to me because of what someone else has said, or the things they've said... when no one has come TO ME and been honest WITH ME.

i can fuckin handle it.


narissa

 

[PosTMOd]

The word is delusional.

And as much as I don't want that to be derogatory, it inevitably sounds like it is.

Delusions are just like reality to the person having them. They exist in that person's reality. It's not pretending that something is when it isn't, it is truly believing that something is when it isn't.

With this in mind, consider--if you will-- that someone thinks they are someone's friend, dear to them, but it is a delusion. Mix delusion and obsession, and it is very frightening to a person on the receiving end.

 

[skyparty]

ok i get it.

so someone can act like your friend.
and you can believe that you are based on whatever relationship the two people had... and it was false... and that i can handle...

but does that-- give anyone reason--

to leave someone stranded in toronto with no where to go.
not even as much as a chance to get my stuff, and leave it at that.

even i, whom after meeting people or even hanging out with them a few times, realized maybe we we didn't get along at all or whatever... would NEVER EVER just ditch someone-

i was 3 fuckin hours away from my home
and not ONE person off this board (that does not include the person off this board who helped me out), people i had MET over the weekend, people who would seem so open and friendly....as much as offered me a place to hang out for even a little bit until i got some shit together to find a way home or whatever.

i was lucky my bus ticket was in my backpack.
i almost left it with my stuff.

and now this thread got WAY personal.
and i didnt want it to....

but oh well...i shouldve expected it


narissa

 

[skyparty]

and to clarify things---

im getting a much clearer picture now
by someone over icq

thank you.

but all isee is alot of misunderstanding that couldve been dealt with TO ME personally.

and i mean serious misunderstanding

whatever im off to dinner

narissa

 

[tella]

Originally posted by skyparty
and now this thread got WAY personal.
and i didnt want it to....

but oh well...i shouldve expected it


narissa

of course it's getting personal, skyparty, you are airing your dirty laundry out on a message board, it's bound to get personal.

as far as all of this ish you're going through..when you open yourself up to someone, be it friend, boyfriend, whoever...you risk the chance that this person may hurt you. sometimes it is intentional, sometimes it's unintentional. eitherway, this is your oppurtonity to be a big girl and say fuck them all...if someone's hating on you for one reason or another..realize that you are better than them and they hold absolutely no significance in your life. the last thing you need is a negative influence in your life disguised as a friend. if these people aren't grown up enough to have an open and honest conversation..don't fret..just move on. they aren't worth your time or effort.

 

[Temper Tantrum]

Narissa,

People make mistakes. The only true mistake in life is not to learn from them.

People will think what they want to think. The people that judge other people on rumours, speculation and don't bother to take the time to get to know a person and make their own conclusions aren't worth getting to know.

At the end of the day YOU are the only one you answer too. You say you love yourself, you say you have people you know are good friends so I ask, what else do you need?

It doesn't matter what people who don't really know you think, what matters is what you think of yourself, and the people you've chosen as your friends/loved ones think of you.

Best of luck too and I aplaud the courage it took for you to stand up for yourself.

~allie~

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by skyparty
and yes thank you, i don't need you to tell me to take a good look at myself.... i know who i am... i look in the mirror and i know.

I doubt it's as simple as looking into a mirror. There is no simple way on finding yourself, it just happens.

It seems that this has built up for sometime, nothing just happens. There has to be something that was done to cause this, I'm not pointing fingers since I don't know anyone on the board.

People have to realize that the things they do & say effect others, whether they mean to or not.